“bread spit and beaver crumbs” -fhil

Completely accurate and canonical quotes from the Riddle School series. Feel free to submit quotes, just please include a source!

[incorrectriddleschool]

Smiley and Zack: *playing Minecraft*

Zack: oh i found a tall ender boy

Smiley: giv kiss…….

Smiley: a lil smooch

Zack was slain by Enderman

[incorrectriddleschool]

5: Don’t worry, just be yourself!

Phil: Be myself? 5, I have one day to win over Smiley's dad. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Phred: Couple weeks.

Smiley: Six months.

Zack: Jury’s still out.

Phil: See, 5?

[incorrectriddleschool]

Smiley: I’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days, so I’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Smiley: *bites onto her cream cheese-covered phone*

Smiley:

Smiley: This isn’t a bagel.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Phil: Don't stay up all night, Smiley. Last time you got this sleep-deprived you tried to eat your own hair.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Zack: I made tea.

Phil: I don’t want tea.

Zack: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.

Phil: Then why are you telling me?

Zack: It’s a conversation starter.

Phil: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Zack: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Messie: And now for a message of hope.

Bigtoe: Ah, a message of hope! Impeccable timing!

Messie: Everything is garbage.

Bigtoe: Oh no.

Messie: You find something you care about, and then it’s taken from you. Your family, your home… your hair.

Yeddy: Woo!

Messie: Never love anything. That is the lesson.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Smiley: Do you wanna talk about your emotions Phred?

Phred: No

Zack: I do!

Smiley: I know Zack.

Zack: I’m sad.

Smiley: I know Zack.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Richy: She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.

5: His name was Jared, he’s nineteen.

Chubb: When his parents built a very strange machine.

Zack: Watch that scene dig in the dancing queen.

Smiley: Aaaay Macarena.

[incorrectriddleschool]

i forgor 💀

[incorrectriddleschool]

“#i have a few drafts so i should probably get to publishing those again”

*posts one draft*

*forgets about account again*

[incorrectriddleschool]

Mrs. Cophey, giving her students a writing prompt: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life?

Zack: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Phil: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Phred: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Smiley: Mental stability, my old friend!

Mrs. Cophey:

Mrs. Cophey: Are you kids okay?

[incorrectriddleschool]

i forgor 💀

[incorrectriddleschool]

Zack: Fun Christmas idea: hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing you have to fight whoever else is under it.

Phred: Mistlefoe ™.

Smiley: Someone’s halls are getting DECKED.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Phil: Mrs. Cophey, it’s really muggy outside.

Mrs. Cophey: Phil, if I go outside and all the missing mugs from the teacher’s lounge are out there, you’ll be in trouble for trespassing.

Phil:

Phil, handing Mrs. Cophey a bowl he definitely didn’t steal from the teacher’s lounge: Want some coffee?

[incorrectriddleschool]

Mrs. Cophey, reading off test questions: Question 3: What are you most afraid of?

Smiley: Sharks!

Phred: Werewolves, I guess?

Phil: The endless marching of time that is slowly leading us all to our inevitable demise.

Zack: ...Phil.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Zack: When you feel your clothes fresh out the oven:

Zack: Okay, I realize I used oven instead of dishwasher,

Zack: But I kinda forgot what it was called and used the next best guess I could think of.

Phred: It's called a washing machine-

Smiley: I think it's a dryer?? Like, who would be feeling wet clothes???

Phil: This conversation is a freaking train wreck.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Viz: I have come to take you!

Phred: let me ask mrs. cophey

Viz: It's not a choi-

Phred: she said no.

[incorrectriddleschool]

Phil: If you don't immediately dye your Minecraft bed red, you are simply not a true Minecrafter.