Incorrect The Conjuring Quotes

They're too cute, I had to. Not about the real people in any way, just from the fictional conjuring universe. (And some characters from my AO3 fic “To Build a Life On”).

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Lorraine: There’s something I need to get off my chest. Ed: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

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Ed: You have no idea what I’m capable of!!! Valak: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

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Lorraine: Why is your back covered with scratches? Ed: *flashbacks to her chasing a raccoon after Lorraine told him to leave it alone* Ed: I’m having an affair.

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Ed: *falls* Lorraine: I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

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Lorraine: I’m the type of woman who likes to think things through! Ed: Remember that time you tried to eat a marshmallow while it was still on fire?

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Lorraine: I know you want to keep me safe, darling, but the only way to do that is to wrap me in bubble wrap and hide me in a cave. Ed: Believe me, I’ve thought about it.

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Drew: Judy is mad at me and I don’t know why. Ed: Okay, were you talking before she got upset? Drew: Yes. Ed: That’s probably it.

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Lorraine: What’s that? Ed: Oh, that’s just my to-do list. Lorraine: That’s just a post-it note with my name on it… Ed: *Smirks*

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Valak: [Wears dark grey] Lorraine: I see you’re breaking out the spring colors.

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Lorraine: If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”? Ed: “Purghaps”? Judy: *looks into the camera deadpan*

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Ed: Are you listening to yourself?! Lorraine's Mom: I always listen to myself, it’s one of my greatest joys in life.

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Lorraine: *Holds door open for Ed* After you. Ed: No, after you. Lorraine: I insist, after you. Judy: *Pushes past both of them* After me.

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Snider Kid: Oh please, you wouldn’t hurt a fly. Ed: You’re right. Ed: Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. Ed: You, however, I would maim.

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Ed: Drew, I never doubted you for a moment. Drew: Thank you. You’re lying, though, right? Ed: Yes. I doubted you very strongly.

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Judy: Imagine if you came home one night and everyone was quietly reading Lorraine: I’d be extremely suspicious

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Judy: I’m ignoring you Drew: Judy: I said I’m ignoring you! Drew: Judy: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!!!

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Valak: Lorraine does have a point. Lorraine: Dont agree with me, it makes me uncomfortable.