Incorrect Vikings

No actually they said all of this <3

[incorrectvikings]

Ivar: I thought you were dead!

Bjorn: Only mostly dead.

[incorrectvikings]

Torvi: I have an idea for our vacation.

Ivar: And it wouldn’t involve any murders?

Ubbe: She said an idea, not a miracle.

[incorrectvikings]

Ubbe, after Hvitserk killed Lagertha: We’re not mad, just disappointed.

Bjorn: No, we’re mad.

Ubbe: Yes. We are mad. We’re livid. But we’re going to let this one slide.

Bjorn: No, we’re not!

Ubbe: I’m not a mind reader, Bjorn!

[incorrectvikings]

Ivar: I hate when Hvitserk says “are you even listening to me?” It’s such a random way to start a conversation.

[incorrectvikings]

Freydis: I only lied because it was the easiest way to get what I wanted.

[incorrectvikings]

Ubbe: Hvitserk? How do you feel?

Hvitserk: Well, let me check in.

Hvitserk: [Closes his eyes, takes a deep breath]

Hvitserk: Nope. Never mind. That was scary.

[incorrectvikings]

Alfred: Surrender.

Ivar: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

[incorrectvikings]

Katia: You’re avoiding your problems.

Ivar: What? No I’m not. Can we talk about this tomorrow?

[incorrectvikings]

Aslaug: What kind of idiot do you think I am?

Lagertha: Is there a choice?

[incorrectvikings]

Floki: When you get revenge on someone, always immediately hit them with a second revenge. Undercuts any counter-revenge or betrayal they have.

Ragnar: Why are you like this?

Ivar: *taking notes*

[incorrectvikings]

Igor: I’ll be munching later.

Ivar: And crunching?

Igor: Let’s not be hasty.

[incorrectvikings]

Bjorn: You played me like a fiddle!

Ivar: Oh no, brother. Fiddles are actually quite difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.

[incorrectvikings]

Aethelwulf: Nobody hates me more than I hate myself.

Judith: You’re wrong there.

[incorrectvikings]

Ubbe: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Hvitserk: Killed without hesitation.

Ubbe: No.

[incorrectvikings]

Igor, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs.

Igor: ...

Igor: At what?

[incorrectvikings]

Ragnar: I hope you have a good explanation for this.

Bjorn: We have three!

Ivar: Pick your favorite.

[incorrectvikings]

Bjorn: Nothing bad ever happens to the Ragnarssons!