vatican cocaine examiner

they definitely said that

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Roberto: You’re annoying.

Julia: I'm hot as fuck so it doesn't even matter

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Lauren:  i don’t look like someone who used to do anything. i look like i was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.

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Roberto: and my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and i started cheering. and then, he ordered one black coffee for himself. and kept driving.

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Ruggieri: If anyone could work out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

Julia: You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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Ryouta: Putting ‘UwU’ at the end of a sentence makes the sentence cute and harmless.

Hiraga: I love you UwU

Roberto: I Just got food UwU

Julia: I’ll fucking murder you UwU

Ryouta: Please don’t do that UwU

Julia: No promises UwU

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Julia, seductively: Tell me your wildest fantasy.

Hiraga: I’m on the Wheel of Fortune, and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.

Julia: No, I meant like-

Hiraga: Everyone claps.

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Roberto: I’ve never had a real friend before.

Joseph: I can be your friend!

Roberto:

Roberto: I’ve also never had a boyfriend.

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Roberto: You know, Lauren, I have to say, you've been a lot more empathetic lately. Why is that?

Lauren: Because I've written down the phrases "That's too bad", "I hear you", and "I know how you feel" on this little piece of paper and I randomly spew one out every time you pause.

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Lauren: [to Roberto] Do you always run headlong into certain death?

Hiraga: Sometimes he walks. Occasionally shuffles. Once I’m pretty sure I saw him amble into certain death.

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Lauren: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.

Lauren:

Lauren: Actually, it’s gonna bug me if i don’t.

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Lauren: I strongly object!

Roberto: To what?! I haven’t even said anything yet!

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Roberto: Hiraga, you're bleeding!

Hiraga: oh that explains it

Roberto: explains what?

Hiraga: the stabbing pain in my side

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Roberto: What do you do when you’re angry?

Joseph: Study.

Roberto: Okay, what about when you’re sad?

Joseph: Study.

Roberto: Happy?

Joseph: Study!

Roberto: So every feeling you have makes you want to study?

Joseph: I do not know if it is so much cause and effect. I do a lot of studying. The feelings come and go.

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Lauren: Well, Hiraga, you’re the first person in history to ever start a fire with water.

Hiraga: Thanks!

Lauren: Not really a compliment.

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Lauren: Oh, it’s a total con. I see through his little act!

Hiraga: His act of being a nice person who brings you gifts?

Lauren: Bingo.

Hiraga: Ok, I’ll remind you that you’re trying to learn how to be a good person. Maybe you should return the favor. Bring him something.

Lauren: Oh, so now I’m supposed to be nice and make friends and treat him with mutual respect?

Hiraga: Yeah!

Lauren: That’s exactly what he wants me to do. WAKE UP!

Hiraga:

Hiraga: That’s what everyone wants everyone to do

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Julia: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren’t you?

Ruggieri: As defending champion, are you nervous?

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Julia: I say something like ‘I am a god’ and everybody says ‘Who does he think he is?’ I just told you who I thought I was! A GOD!