Incorrect War and Peace Quotes

Things the characters from Leo Tolstoy's 1869 novel may or may not have said

[officialleotolstoy]

Pierre: The universe is testing me and I DIDN’T STUDY

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Pierre: you told me once ‘a fallen woman should be forgiven!’

Andrei: please, Abraham, I am not that man.

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Andrei: what doesn’t kill you gives a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor

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Anatole: Hey Pierre, what do you think is the height of stupidity? Pierre: Depends. How tall are you?

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Andrei: forgive and forget? Ahahah, no. Resent and remember.

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“'What the fuck' is an emotion now, and it’s the only one I have”

—Everyone about Pierre, chapters 1-20, book I

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Bad morning, everyone

Pierre Bezukhov

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Nikolai: “Ohana” means family. Count Rostov: Yes. Nikolai: Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. Count Rostov: Yes, that’s absolutely right- Nikolai: Family needs 50 bucks. Count Rostov: Okay, uh…

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“If I am feeling

Some stupid feeling

Why can't it just go away?”

–Andrei Bolkonsky

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Pierre: Andrei just left so while he’s gone I’m going to tie a policeman to a bear.

Anatole: Why?

Pierre: He’s pretty much 85% of my impulse control.

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Nikolai: Do I look straight?

Natasha: Not in the slightest.

Nikolai: No, I mean my parking job.

Natasha: Oh, in that case, then yes, it’s fine.

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Dolokhov: i have an idea.

Denisov: no mughrdeghr.

Dolokhov: …i no longer have an idea.

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Reminder that here at Incorrect War and Peace we accept submissions! If you know of anything the characters of War and Peace definitely actually said, feel free to share it with us!

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Dolokhov: Get in there and bust up her date. Show her you care: ruin her night

Pierre: You really have a unique take on love

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Denisov: Nikolai Rostov, do not catch feelings for the Tsar.

Nikolai, crying softly and throwing himself on french bayonets: Too late.

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denisov to dolokhov: i have one foot on the block button and the other in a hello kitty roller skate so don’t even try me bitch

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“I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left. I’m gonna get real weird with it.” — Prince Nikolai Bolkonsky