I AM THE PUNISHMENT OF GOD.

written by s.b. jesse

[vulcansmirk]

There’s a war in me between dark and darker, between the shadows and the things they hide.

This isn’t a story about courage. This is a story about fear. – s.s.

[miiserably-blog]

‘A beautiful description, if inaccurate.’

[ what he says is so painfully wrong that she wants to yell, but can she? it isn’t his fault he doesn’t know –although if she could read his thoughts, she would nod and say ‘yes. yes, it’s precisely that.’– and while it isn’t her place to educate him, this is a conversation. ]

‘Have I even told you about my husband?’

[ myrtle loves the look in people’s eyes when she tells them. you’d never expect it from someone like her, someone so angry with the world no sane person wants to talk to her. she’s spiteful and cruel, always will be, but he did wonders for her compassion. he’s why she’s sitting here, staring at the general with a bright look on her face. ]

‘Before him, I thought I was in love with anyone who spared me a second glance. I couldn’t have a friend because I didn’t understand what kindness was. He showed me that love isn’t kindness. Love is the great equalizer. It makes an idiot out of you but sometimes you have the satisfaction of knowing it’s doing precisely the same to someone you care about. It’s the realization that you don’t have to be alone any more. It’s not a thing that’s good or bad, and nor can it tell the difference between. Love is for everyone who wants it, and it links people together perfectly.’

[indecxrus]

Inaccurate. That word brings to his lips a bitter smile that takes no more than half a second to dim. She could perhaps sweeten the definition given, but hardly change its content. No interruption is made however, curiosity soon flashing through his eyes at the mention of a husband ( It’s unexpected not for the way the girl is, but the mere fact that she’s there wasting her time with their hour long conversations ) . He listens, and can’t help but think how terribly innocent those beliefs are. How wrong.

   “You talk about love as if it was a truly beautiful thing, and I can only wonder how blind you must be to still believe in such fairy tales. You talk about not being alone anymore, but does it ever last? Love will make you numb and dependant of its softness, an empty promise of temporary bliss becoming eternal. But you’re not talking about the pain of watching someone leave. You’re not talking about the powerlessness of seeing them slowly fall out of love or facing their death when it comes. You’re not talking about never being loved back on the first place. What does that poisonous feeling do if not break and destroy everything that it touches?”

There’s a pause ( Silence that keeps him from vomiting words and sharing more than he should ) , a dismissive shrug that intends to shake everything away, like ripping a page from a book. As the former general got closer to the glass, he spoke out once again.

   “We who have not once felt it are the lucky ones.”

[stuarttownsend-deactivated20200]

[mycastleofchaos]

Remind yourself, you are not allowed to fall in love with him.

Anonymous

[indecxrus]

Tagged by: @darkwoven​ Tagging: @sithmessiah​, @miiserably​, @slanaithxoir​, @ironhorns​, @systemfxilure​, @makerspride​, and that’s basically about it cause i’m both: lazy and a loner.

I must admit, this made me really nostalgic. I’ve decided to stick to the original template excepting the main muse since I wouldn’t be able to choose one out of the +40 characters I’ve had ( addicted much? ) . This small selection was already making me sweat. I miss more than one and I would probably play them again if I had the chance, but most of them were so developed on private chats that it would feel wrong to take them out on tumblr. I’ve been on this website for not that long after all, and the list would be much smaller if I only had to talk about those whom I’ve had blogs for. Theon deserves a special mention however, since he was my first one here, it lasted 2 whole years before starting the hiatus, and I got to meet some of the most important people in my life right now.

[indecxrus]

ANSWER TO THIS WITH: @miiserably

The word lingers on the tip of his tongue for a moment, tasting its strange sweetness, the pain always brought with it. Of all things discussed during her visits, that was one subject he never thought would ever be brought up ( For whom would even think monsters know of the feeling? People fear what makes them look more human, what makes them realise anyone can become one as well ) . 

  “Love is nothing but a weakness you can’t protect from the world because it never fully belongs to you. It’s something that escapes one’s control. It’s a target. It’s giving someone the possibility of destroying you if you’re not careful. It’s an inconvenience.”

Yet that was not all he could say about it. Love was the sickening warmth that filled your chest at the mere mention of a name. Feeling like the entire world was underwater, yet somehow you’re the only one drowning and lacking of air. Thoughts of a future betraying you by always including that person among them. Not being able to call your days routine because it would imply boredom, and god, you’re everything but tired of keeping them close. The burning sensation on your skin whenever you touched them, and still longing to have it back despite your mind being too deep and buried in work. It was guilt of even daring to want them like that, the obsessive rage of jealousy, and broken despair of loss.

( And of all things love could be, he was only sure of one: Love was not for people like him ) .

[hisparliament]

[sauvageri]

                  ❛   general.   ❜

      she flashes him a WINNING smile, though it is strained. she respects him - truly she does. but that does not mean she would not purposefully try to make him look bad.    AMBITION FITS HER BEAUTIFULLY, ACCENTUATING HER BLACK GLASS HEART.

                 ❛   care to dance ???   ❜

[indecxrus]

Even on the teeming grand ballroom his eyes easily found their way to her smile among high commanders, too used to the new found calm and champaign, too oblivious or uninterested now that the war was finally over ( And it irradiated pride, that characteristic ambition the general had come to appreciate perhaps more after each one of their encounters ) .

   “It would be my honour to share a dance with you, if I may.” Hand offered for her to take, formal invitation to one of the only conversations worth having that night.

[joypendants]

Here’s to us, the rotten children: They made us into violence. Your bones, your skin, it’s all been turned into ash. Here’s to us, those born of violence, turned into a war-ground.

We are beauty and fire; ash we may be, but we are stronger than them. (CNS)

[shelures]

` @indecorus .

    ❛ oh wonderful ! out of all the troops that were left behind            to disintegrate into ashes on star killer base you survived. ❜

    but it doesn’t end there. where the temptation to roll her eyes and shove her way through him is indeed an option, her face struggles to keep a straight expression instead as red velvet lips quiver in an effort to relay her approval. communication became difficult when one was faced with a person they practically loathed on a daily basis, however, GENERAL HUX continues to be an important asset to the First Order she knew that much. and expressing a feeling so foreign and profound to what she usually liked to demonstrate is something she wished she would never have to do again.

                                                   ❛ — i’m glad. ❜ sadly …

[indecxrus]

   “It’s not hard to point out what ( Or whom ) caused the unfortunate development of events, is it?” The blame was still his to take at everyone else’s eyes, and rage burned deep with every mistake made. 

Hazard on the other hand, had nothing to do with their survival. Higher ranks were harder to replace properly in such short notice, while privates could be trained faster and still succeed. Once the countdown for the base’s destruction started the priorities were set and clear ( The general took no pride on that sacrifice, although her voice, acid with sarcasm, almost suggested otherwise ) . He didn’t particularly fancy her attitude regarding his every decision, nor enjoyed having to keep her around along with Ren. The unexpected confession was appreciated however, futile smile crossing his lips.

   “Is my return so surprising?”

[sauvageri]

                     AT MY FEET                 YOU’LL BOW TO ME.                       lieutenant general vreni kron.     as told by kyle.

[archived-khagaan-deactivated201]

@indecorus

❝ Have you walked the           front lines, boy ? ❞

[indecxrus]

   “Not frequently. I’m a strategist, and he who gives a voice to their ideals and inspires them to keep fighting. There’s no need for me to get close. Though I must admit I’m curious about your scepticism.”

[indecxrus]

More than most people care to "give" to get there.

Some things:

You'll have to go to a service academy - While there are rare generals who went through OCS (Officer's Candidate School, how the military recruits college graduates not from the service academies) the overwhelming majority of generals in the Army, Air Force and The Marine Corps went to the service academies. (West Point, Colorado Springs, Annapolis). And the days of low grads getting the high jobs are probably over. You'll have to be in the top 25% of your class to even start the climb.

You'll have fill in all of the "correct" boxes - You will have to be assigned to correct bases, at the correct times and meet the correct people. You'll have to go to places that you don't want and take assignment which you don't desire to make it to general. And this will over a period of at least 25 years.

Your performance reviews will have to be excellent or outstanding for nearly the entirety of your career - You will have to be the best officer around (or the most political one) for at least 25 years. No major errors and not many minor ones (at least those which can't be covered up)

Your family can't have any major issues on any of the bases or posts to which you are assigned - Wife gets a DUI on base-you're out. Kid sets fire to the base school- You're out. Daughter runs away and gets brought by the base/post police too often-You're out.

You can't piss off the civilians on base where you are assigned - They can make you or break you. One wrong word from a civilian contractor or a civilian liaison at one of your assignments, the door closes.

You have to be in relatively good health - Bad heart? You're out? Cancer? Unless it's easily curable- You're out. Autoimmune diseases? You're out. Mental illnesses? Definitely forget it.

The competition after you climb the ladder is fierce - Unless you are exceptionally competent or extremely political (or both) you'll find that you have been cutoff at the knees by someone far more ruthless and career-oriented than you. Think of Wall Street or Hollywood with fewer positions and for less money.

Back to your family - If you get divorced, it better be when you are low ranking and it better not be messy. Then you'll have get remarried. (Bachelor or spinster generals aren't in demand) Which also means that:

You probably can't be gay - You may get away with being DEEPLY closeted, but openly gay just doesn't fly. The recent changes in the military were for the lower ranks; they didn't include the "big brass"

You will probably never make it much through the front door - By that I mean you may make Brigadier (One star) General and that's it. Higher than that and you'll have to be a world-beater or know some serious heavyweights at the Pentagon, in Congress or in the defense industry who will go to bat for you.

JON MIXON, "If someone were to join the US military tomorrow, what would it take for them to become a general?"

[indecxrus]

bold any fears which apply to your muse. italicize what makes them uncomfortable.

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.

[wordsnquotes]

You’re trying to leave yourself behind, but you can’t. The more you try to run away from yourself, the more you’ll have yourself with you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, “The Adjuster”

[indecxrus]

I have several meta posts drafted, only half-done and finishing them all is taking me longer than I expected. These are really distinct headcanons about him that will be seen in my portrayal of general Hux:

Due to the pressure he’s always been put under, he’s developed a serious problem of work addiction. This leads him to often starve himself for days when there’s something to be finished that he considers more important than his own comfort or health. Not only that but if he happened to catch a fever he would dismiss the symptoms and malaise unless it started clouding his thoughts and became too unbearable.

He was forced to study very hard from a young age, and eventually grew to love the stories he read about the Imperial heroes. Instead of actively want to take the lead role of those adventures, the desire of writing them arose. He was quickly discouraged by his father, whom after learning about his intentions stabbed his right hand ( Bellow the ring finger and little finger. No nerves influencing his ability to shoot and manipulate weapons were severely damaged ) . The moral being words can’t protect one from being hurt, and he would live times of war. ( He already did ) . He was meant to do something else on that universe, something much bigger.

As a fact, during his time working for the Academy, Hux’s father created a secret organization of hand-picked students, on which the final test to be accepted was to kill another student. It is my belief that he made his own son go through those trials as well. The same indications were given to one of his closest friends at the time, being backstabbed and leaving him with a wound on his left shoulder blade. Hux’s preferred victim would have been someone else instead, but the experience made him tougher and forced him to get detached from any relationship previously formed. 

Those are the only two scars he’s ever gotten, as he’s never properly stepped into a battlefield nor does he plan on doing it any time soon as long as he can avoid it.

Despite the abuses suffered from his father, Hux holds a deep and profound respect towards the man. He feels no resentment whatsoever, and does in fact believe that every single one of his actions was justified. One of his main personal goals is to make him proud of what he’s become and has achieved.

He does not believe in cruelty for the sake of it. A firm hand to control everyone is absolutely needed yet no gratuitous damage would be of his liking if he ever managed to rule the galaxy as he thinks he’s meant to. Public executions and fear spread among to those resistants left, but nothing else. Violence is a necessary evil in order to achieve peace.

Hux enjoys kids a great deal. He likes their curiosity and innocence not yet corrupted by one side or the other, their desire to question everything they see around them, or their ability not to care at all. However, he would never doubt on eliminating one if any mission or the circumstance itself required it, nor he would regret manipulating them to his own advantage.

[wookiees]