The warm shades of dawn crept in through the smeared glass of the hotel room window, dousing the sporadic room in misfittingly welcoming colours, their kaleidoscopic play reflected in the absent stare of green orbs. He’d been away from home for three months now, a quarter of his journey already behind him but not yet enough of it to be unable to consider it just the beginning. So many more destinations were still on his list, so much more good was to be done. Consequently, so many more sacrifices were to be made. Sighing deeply, the man leant forward, elbows propped up on the window pane, pointers massaging his temples. How could he have so severely misbudgeted that he already had to cut back before even being halfway through with his travels? Oh no, I won’t need that much. No need for so much additional luxury. I really want to feel this, you know? Experience it firsthand. He could knock himself out for his stupidity at this point. Maybe if money and its value had ever been an appropriate concern on his mind, he would have known that like this, he couldn’t grant himself many methods of relaxation whatsoever. So much for feeling it, for experiencing it firsthand. If only that still seemed appealing now that he’d seen it, he’d seen it all. As if on command, Jonathan’s stomach churned at the mere thought, the memories all too sharply etched into his mind. The rank reek of lack of hygiene and sanitation, the desperation, the diseases, the hunger, the pain — the poverty.
Looking out at the streets of Kolkata now, he couldn’t help but feel privileged in spite of his humble accomodation yet at the same time he felt so horribly out of place, so misunderstood, so tortured, so poor. How evident was a lack of character if despite his recent realisations, despite knowing exactly just how badly some people suffered every day while he was wrapped up in silk and all the comfort emerald bills could buy, free to live without a care in the world, he still managed to pity himself right now? Merely because he couldn’t take a bath in a bathtub verging on a whirlpool or buy ten more designer shirts he didn’t need or splurge on lunch and dinner at a five-star-restaurant every single day and night right now? Pathetic, if you thought about it. Truly pathetic but true, far too painfully true. It embarrassed him, quite frankly, to realise this but wasn’t it, at the very least, better than denial? He was weak, wasn’t he? A weak little boy too used to the comforts of his decadent overpriced home, too used to not having to worry about his finances, too used to being handed and fed everything he wanted on a silver platter and with a silver spoon. In all honesty, he had himself believed to be more mature at 23 years of age and for God’s sake, he had thought himself to be less materialistic. Wasn’t this mindset precisely the one he always frowned upon with clear disgust whenever someone else exhibited it? Well... the big spending had always been the least of his worries, if he was perfectly honest.
A knock on the door disrupted his thought process, the guest — George, one of the other charity workers he had bounded with over comparable heritage yet a comparable mindset (or so he had thought prior to his epiphany of materialistic delights) — letting himself in without further ado.
“Are you ready, Jon? Our ride will be here in ten.”
Was he ready? Would he ever be ready? Not to give up on his lifestyle once he returned home, or ever, that much was rather ostensible at this point. To still try and make the most of his weaknesses and do good nonetheless, however? Absolutely. Even if once this was over, he’d have to do some serious thinking.
“Sure, I’ll be down in five. Wait up for me, alright?”
Now if only his planing for the future could wait up for him as well, everything would be just rosy. Looked like someone needed an adjusted plan, not that he had ever had much of one in the first place. But all in given time. For now, he was in Kolkata. For now, he could make the most out of his misery by lessening that of others and maybe, just maybe, it would miraculously make him feel as good as he had always hoped it would this time around.
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