[tankaramo]

me, making a phone call: god i hope they don’t answer

[lucid-dreemurr]

me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system:

[mslanna]

But everybody knows that the REAL reward for finishing a side quest is to have it off the quest list and its markers removed from the map.

[bennyblnco-deactivated20170726]

When your girl mad at you she txt you like she your mans off the block.

Me: Hey babygirl

Her: Wuts gud my guy

[crap-userrname16]

[dancing-cockroaches]

Reared

T-Boned

[indig0dd-blog]

Steaked

[memescomedy]

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

man

the creators of superman really named a small town “smallville” and a big city “metropolis” didn’t they 

[grandmapuncher]

I mean they made a superhero named superman so what do you expect

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

extremely fair point 

[alternicobase]

[durbikins]

[left-reminders]

[eeeeeeeeeeek1]

[orgasmicallyelectric]

[thelovelybones124-deactivated20]

😍

[whitepeopletwitter]

PSA

[stonerparty]

[memescomedy]

[bearer-of-bad-decisions]

family feud is a national treasure 

[brewrxsti]

I’m fucking crying holy shit lollllll

[grandpaq]

The pork-upine is the greatest answer I’ve ever heard .

[blacktwittercomedy]

[indig0dd-blog]