Uta vs Suzuya Juuzou - Ch.110
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Uta vs Suzuya Juuzou - Ch.110
gluttonx:
Utaâs presence can mean no good, expecting a bright outcome is only but foolish. She arches an eyebrow, patiently ( not really ) waiting for what words would spill out of his mouth. Though the tension was the dominant feeling, her stance didnât change or falter as the other walked close.
Attack him. Attack him not?
Fear. Thatâs the obvious choice in emotion if not for her lack of it. Fear, the most human and primordial feeling. Fear, something that she lacked so badly - thatâs how she knows sheâs not human. A prideful monster, though scarred she doesnât feel like running, even if it meant going through several days surviving and relying on an agonizingly slow healing. Lacking strength is a big blow to her ego, though completely aware of her current situation, she wonât lower her standards on dominance. Self preservation? Rize doesnât know her.
       "Ridiculous.â Her eyes narrowed for a moment before looking away and focus on the glasses that laid on the floor. She picked them up with deliberation, showing your back to someone like Uta is the last thing you want to do, but she did anyway. "That should not be a question. How would you feel if I were the lucky one that night?â
Such query could only be responded with such words. Sheâs feels insulted by how he even considered that her anger had faded within such a short time span. In fact, it may never go away. Red eyes fell on the other ghoul.
       "Oh, my apologies⊠did you lose your sleep thinking how I feel about that? HahâŠâ Thatâs a little too late. Heâs a cruel ghoul, much to Rizeâs disdain. Maybe if the events had played out differently theyâd be able to bear each other. But thatâs not how fate decided to pull its strings.
Kamishiro Rize despises Uta.
  He took every syllable of her words and allowed them to resound in his mind, what if he had been the lucky one? What were the chances that he could have been the one stuck without his strength? Was there any point in thinking about it at all? The only reason would be to consider Rizeâs feelings, but why would Uta ever think to do that?
  âYou shouldnât pretend to be human,â was what he wanted to say. In their line of living, and in their species, they were always described as being beasts despite their human-like appearances. And for many of them, it was true. But was it true for Rize? Despite her binge-eating, and despite her strength back home, she had obviously been shaken by what he did to her. Laughter and tough exterior aside, Uta had hurt her, and she hated him for it. With an added monstrous aggression, that was more human than anything else.
  But, was he sorry?
  Maybe he was the one less human for wanting to say no. He didnât want to be sorry for dealing a punishment he judged as fitting for her and her actions. But there was the fact that he was in no position to give those punishments anymore at all. It was a flashback of a person that hurt Rize Kamishiro. The Uta he currently was, watching her pick up her glasses with disinterest and no motive whatsoever to harm her again, wouldnât have resolved to cannibalism that night.
  âI slept soundly, Rize.â Even if he was sorry, there was no way to take it back, and therefore no reason to give it any further thought. âIâve merely been curious. You were always so flighty in Tokyo, not even Itori could stick her little nose in for long.â
ilikebottombunk:
     Brief as it was, the touch to his knee was a much needed conductor to ground him to their conversation. Surprisingly, he wasnât as agitated or appalled by the confession as he should have been. He wasâŠcalm, inhumanely so in the face of someone heâd grown close to outright admitting to hurting both his own kind and others just because HE COULD. It was horrible, an ugly, vicious side to Uta heâd not known of, but in honesty, had suspected.Â
     Sousuke had seen him fight afterall, and even if in those few occasions the explosive violence had been acts of self defence, he wasnât blind to the way the Ghoul had clawed and kicked and driven his limbs through flesh and bone like it was softer than butter.
     As Uta encroached threateningly close into his personal bubble, a hand ascended and gripped around his shoulder, giving a weak shove to reclaim a small inch of space between them. Blue irises fell behind half lidded eyes as he turned his gaze away, searching to look anywhere that wasnât UTA while he organised his thoughts.
âOf course it does.â How could it not? Sousuke might have to be an impenetrable, stony tower of a man, but he was far from being as durable as the tough substance.Â
âListenâŠI know you probably think Iâm naive or ignorant or Hell, both. That Iâm some idiot thatâs thrown himself into something completely out of his depth, I couldnât tell you you were wrong if you did think that, but Iâm not an idiot. If Iâm here, itâs because I at least think thereâs something about you worth knowing. So youâve done some real shit things, no one has a clean slate.â
     A dry laughter emitted from an equally dry, raspy throat. He couldnât believe this, he was really grasping at straws here, grasping for any salvageable little crumb that could rationalise why he even even liked this guy, at all.
"You asked me to be honest with you, and the answer is yes it does bother me. To think you can hurt or kill people just like that, when I can barely throw a punch at someone without feeling bad, even if they deserve it. But then I reason that weâre from completely different places you and IâŠand who knows how Iâd be or feel if I was the one going through what you go through, what you still have to go through. I donât want to think youâre a bad guy, because then what does that say about me, when even after youâve told me this Iâm still struggling to be afraid of or hate you?â
âSo, will you be honest with me now? Those people youâve hurt and killed when you didnât have to go that farâŠdid you have a good reason? Do youâŠlike doing it?â
   âNo one has a clean slate.â
   âIâm still struggling to be afraid of or hate you.â
   âDo you like doing it?â
   The bit of laughter was something that Uta couldnât follow. The disbelief was within him, snapping and biting at the threads keeping the two of them together. A Ghoul and a human was a dangerous combination for the both of them. A human, pulled into a world where he didnât belong. A Ghoul, now with everything to lose.
   Heâd played around with humans before, in his years. Both in his youth and more recently. In some aspect, heâd preferred to be around them rather than other Ghouls. It was refreshing to not think of territories or power balances or the threat of being cannibalized, even â his own species encouraged him to rise to that position at the top, and to keep those sadistic qualities locked within him to this very day.Â
   But had he ever truly enjoyed it? Commanding an army, organizing traps, assigning blame and punishments, settling disputes, hurting others far more than he ever needed to...
   That look of terror on his preyâs face mere moments before their death, a cry of âGod, please donât do this,â as if a God could intervene like deus ex machina. The one pain he was always burdened to bring on another. The only necessary hurt he had to do to the world. Why was that the one he didnât want to hear, or see? Why hadnât he spared Rize as she lay on the ground, broken, near irreparable?
   It could have been the way she laughed. It could have been how she knew she had tricked him, but was it still a trick if he willingly fell into it? Did she still deserve what he did to her? He was uneasy about it now. His reasoning and his actions... Whatever morals he ever had to begin with...
   But Sousuke was only asking about the things that Uta didnât have to do, wasnât he? The choice to punish, the choice to torture and starve another...
   âI did, years ago. But that...â
   That was before my actions killed nearly every Ghoul I had come to know.
grauerlotus:
âExplains why it was so pleasantly quiet in TokyoâŠâ Not that it wasnât good to see Uta again, but this situation was stressing him out and his mouth just did what it wanted. âI suppose youâre already ⊠familiar⊠with the people here.âÂ
At least his choice of words and the way he stressed certain left no questions. Uta wasnât like him, he wasnât afraid of confrontations of any kind, maybe it was something he always admired about him but he would never say it out loud. âT-Touka is here?âÂ
While he as always told himself he was better off keeping his feelings to himself he couldnât hide that he was⊠What was he even feeling in this moment? It felt like his heart sank, only to burst and then flood him with a feeling of dread. At the same time he wanted to ask Uta where she was, where he could find her and when he was honest, there was nothing else he could be bothered with now.Â
   After knowing another person for so long, it was easy to read the lifts and falls of their facial expressions. No matter how small they were, years of time together paved the way for an easy reading. Though, this time, Uta had to admit that it was really quite easy to read that look on his face now.
   No matter what kind of relationship they had been left with in Tokyo, some small part of Uta was glad that it didnât seem to affect their first meting within The Hive. But then, had Yomo ever questioned Utaâs role with the clowns? With Souta?
   âSomewhere. Iâm afraid her trailâs gone cold, but sheâs still around... somewhere. Itâs a shame I canât say the same for Itori. She was my favorite.â
romanhoitic:
âNothing! Thatâs what he did! Stupid useless okama!â
âAnd Uta-chan! Is that cologne I smell?â
   âHe has his moments, unfortunately.â
   âAs far as cologne goes... itâs not mine.â
iustixia:
âGoing out of dinner?â
@indumentumxris
   âDinner? Iâm just heading home, officer.â
romanhoitic:
âUta-chaaaaaaaan~!!! You wonât believe what Nico just did!â
@indumentumxrisâ
   âAnd what did he do this time, dear Roma?â
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mini-musings:
describe your muse as shittily as possible in the tags.
ilikebottombunk:
âI was trying.â Before the interruption, heâd had no other goal in mind than to curl up and sleep for the next 10 hours at least. The arrival of Uta only instigated a slight reconfiguration of his plans.
âI saved you a space if you want it.â Punctuated with a suggestive grin, any and all playful airs radiating were quickly sapped dry by the looming, black cloud Uta had dragged in with him from outside. The mood turned somber, the atmosphere heavyâŠsomething was up.
     Watching him just standing there doing and saying nothing spurred a conflicting mix of discomfort and escalating irritation. He hated when Uta let things hang awkwardly instead of just getting straight to the point, especially as Sousuke had never made secret the fact his patience for this kind of thing was quickly stripped. As Uta crouched down, he straightened from his slumped posture on the couch, making the angle in which the Ghoul had to look up at him all the more steep.
     With no indication as to what it could possibly be wrong, Sousuke could only brace himself for the impact to come, brow seamed with the lines of his growing worry. Â
     The observation, or should he call it LECTURE, caught him off guard, even HURT a little bit. The equivalent of the PING of an elastic band being repeatedly snapped against his sternum.
âYeah, I know.âÂ
     How could he forget for even A SECOND? Between all of Utaâs late night escapades, the countless times heâd locate specs of crimson staining clothing and bed sheetsâŠthe fresh, mottled purples that every so often made an appearance alongside black ink. Yeah, no way could Sousuke forget what Uta was even if heâd wanted to. And yet the most scathing thing about the low key accusation was that it wasnât false. Perhaps on some subconscious level heâd always avoided burrowing too deep into the Ghoulâs past for fear of not liking the contents heâd dredge up. At any rate, blissful ignorance it seemed, was no longer an option.
     He was ok with that.
âYou said it yourself didnât you? If you wanted to hurt me youâd have done it already, so if this is really what you wanna talk about, why donât you tell me what you think it is I should be scared of?â
âWhatâre you getting at with all this?â
   The larger part of him was considering the fact that he wouldnât be welcome to take up that extra space at the end of their conversation, and he had to be okay with that â and he was, for the most part.Â
   Their conversation had a few possible ways of ending, though Uta had trouble putting much stock into any situation where he would be allowed back here again. If he were to be his honest self in front of someone who had no idea what that self was, the shock alone might be enough to break them apart from what they had managed to build together in the short span of a few months.
   But a shaky foundation would always crumble.
   Maybe that was the real reason he was doing this.
   It only took a few seconds of silence this time before he spoke up. âItâs not you Iâve hurt.â
   There wasnât an ounce of remorse in his voice in consideration of his actions. Within the city, heâd only done what he thought was necessary, up until that old spark of sadism had encouraged him to make someone suffer in agony and pain for entire weeks. He questioned his actions outside of the city as well after that event â thought back to his plans in massacre and betrayal as if it were nothing. They had been nothing to him. And the sight of death staining the floor was still... nothing.
   ...And this was the tricky part. Heâd thought a lot about how to breach into the world that he initially wanted to keep Sousuke completely out of. Even telling him involved him in ways that he didnât need (or perhaps even wanted), but if Sousuke wanted him around, wasnât it only fair that he knew what he was clinging to? What he was sleeping next to, and waking up to?
   âIâve changed a lot from my youth, in some ways more than others. But still, Iâve killed humans and Ghouls when I didnât need to.âÂ
   From his crouch, he placed his palm atop of Sousukeâs knee and stood back up, this time leaning into Sousukeâs personal space. Theyâve been this close before, more than a handful of times, but the energy surrounding him was different. It felt heavier. Invasive, maybe.
   âIâve hurt them more than I needed to. When I didnât need to. Does that bother you? Be honest.â
letâs just take a moment in regards of his return. [x]
animuras:
âReturn?âÂ
Did he say that out loud? The thought hadnât even occurred to him. That there was a going back. He had always been about going forward. Even getting back to where he came from, even reclaiming what he lost was about going forward, not returning. Not really.
And speaking about what he had lost, there was really only one childhood friend to speak of. So, Uta had pieced those clues together. Well, it wasnât a hard puzzle, he supposed. Maybe some other time these thoughts would have made him feel⊠feel something. But now? Now they just were.
He took a drink from his cup of coffee. Something in his body registered that it was still hot, still too hot, and set about replacing that thin layer of burnt cells, all completely automatically. He hadnât even noticed.
âItâs a nice thought,â he said, without meaning to. What was he referring to again? His brain seemed to latch onto something at random. âThat someone would be waiting.âÂ
Heâd worn so many masks for so long, it was little wonder that he could act automatically like this - hold an entire conversation without any input from his mind at all. It probably should have been disturbing to hear himself talk, but it wasnât. Wasnât much of anything.
He found himself glancing out the window, almost⊠almost bored. But that couldnât be right. Maybe he was just tired. When had he last slept? He didnât even remember. He took another sip of coffee, and turned back to Uta.
âBut I do have a job waiting, donât I?â Funny, he thought. That was a funny line. Maybe. He wasnât sure. Maybe he really was tired. Distantly, he hoped not. He wasnât entirely sure why, but he was sure there was a reason. âI have to pay you back for this little coffee date somehow, after all.â
Part of him knew that there was more to get out of this conversation. Uta had just said something important, hadnât he? But there wouldnât be any more fun to be had. And the idea of slogging through this⊠this blandness for much longer grew increasingly unappealing with each breath.
âYou still havenât told me how I should get in contact with you later.â Yes, they could continue this⊠later. That sounded like a reasonable idea. Later, it might even be fun again. What was that saying? Something⊠something plus time equals comedy. Ah well. It didnât really matter.
   It was like looking into a locked room through a comically large keyhole, and staring into the messy abyss that hadnât been touched in so many years that the paint was peeling, the floors were wrecked, and every piece of ruined furniture had been buried in dust. From Utaâs standpoint, Furuta was barely keeping a hold on the door to that room. There were scratches down its length. The wood was growing rotten.
   Tiny, tiny hints, were all he had to go on. But knowing Furuta for years had given him the feeling that he was correct to assume the truth of those terrible things. If he was wrong, that would be fine too, he supposed. But Furuta was being too... what was he? Out of it? Sentimental? What were those feelings building up, he wondered?
   Then again, there was only so much patience he had for his fellow Clown. Clearly, he had a lot to think about, and Uta was going to let him mull it over for however long he felt was necessary. The both of them were growing tired of the blandness around them. There were better places they could have their next meetings, for as long as they were both in the city. And, of course, Furuta had that job waiting for him, he was right.
   âTheyâll give you a cellphone after a month, but if you want to drop in for a visit, Iâm in Sector oo2.â The words could have been flying right through Furutaâs ears, Uta realized, but he continued on anyway. It wasnât his fault if his company wasnât absorbing the information. Theyâd meet again anyway; whether that was by coincidence or by actively looking for each other, it didnât really matter.Â
   âThe 16th floor. Iâm sure you understand I have my own business to attend to some nights. Make yourself at home if Iâm not there.â A scare for his roommates, maybe, but he hadnât been close to them anyway. And whatever Furuta wanted to assume about his business, Uta would allow it to stay as an assumption; his own plans were quite private. Plans heâd much rather keep as far away from the Ghoul World as he possibly could.
   He stood from where he had been sitting to prepare to leave, but before he moved towards the door, he placed his hand on Furutaâs shoulder and leaned close to whisper something in his ear.Â
   âWeâll be here a while, so take your time. Thereâs no rush at all.â
ilikebottombunk:
    Was Sousuke expecting company tonight? Not as far as he was aware, with Rin and Kisumi long gone and Makoto eons from being the type to show up places uninvited, the list of faces he predicted to find standing on his doorstep once he finally got there were considerably fettered. Two winks away from turning in for the night, the ditty of knuckles rapping against his door caused the discharge of a long SIGH from the as of yet unspent effort of having to shift out of his very comfortable spot on the bed. He rolled onto his side, listening attentively for the sound of footsteps in case any of his elusive house mates had made plans involving guests.
Nothing.
    Heaving himself off the mattress with a lazy push, Sousuke initiated a barefoot straggle towards the entrance of his apartment, skirting around the energetic bundle of fur hopping circles around him to make the short venture from point A to B all the more challenging for the somnolent athlete. Once the door reached, heâd paused a moment to inhale, fingers curling around the bronze, polished base of the handle.
     Come to think of it, he hadnât seen him in about a week, right? As futile as Sousuke knew it was to invest any stock into the unannounced visitor being who he wanted it to, he still couldnât smother that small, smidgen of hope budding in his chest. Tugging the door towards him a fraction, his stomach flipped involuntarily at the appearance of the pale faced Ghoul, welcoming hisâŠ.whatever they were calling each otherâŠ.with a warm smile.
âHello stranger.â The humour coating his voice was easily traceable as he slumped forward and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Utaâs mouth, retreating into the lounge shortly after where he was sure the other would follow in due time.
âWatch you donât step on Hazel, she likes to get under feet.â
     Sheâd scampered off somewhere for now, but a creature that little was easily squished under someoneâs irresponsible heel! Sprawling himself comfortably on the couch, he shuffled to one side enough to leave a space in case Uta wanted to slither in beside him.
âS'everything ok?â
   It wasnât in Utaâs normal habit to call or leave a message as a warning to his presence, but it seemed as though Sousuke didnât hold that against him â especially not now, with a kiss and a smile and a sense of normalcy that created another one of the smallest frowns on Utaâs expression. At this point, there wasnât much sense in hiding it away, so he let it stick as he made his way inside, watching out for the bundle of fur just as Sousuke had requested.Â
   âItâs late,â he said on impulse. âI thought you might be sleeping.â The small talk hadnât been planned, but he felt the words coming out anyway, stalling the harsh truths he had kept within himself. Whatever that action implied about him, he couldnât focus on it now.
   Instead of sitting, Uta chose to stand in front of Sousuke for a long moment, in silence, before crouching down with that same frowning expression. Looking up from his position, Uta didnât think that he had even been this bare with another person before, except for a few instances in his youth. He wasnât a person to open up often, nor was he a person to feel this much that often.
   He hadnât even started speaking yet, and this encounter was already proving to be difficult. But, all he had to do was open his mouth, and let whatever would happen, happen. Heâd been doing that a lot lately, for better or for worse. The mask he had always worn didnât seem to be holding up these past weeks. His feelings... were becoming too complicated.
   âYou know Iâm not human.â A fact, simply said, yet indicative of the direction Uta wanted to go down.
   â...But you donât know much about me at all. Youâve said youâre not scared, but what do you think youâre not scared of? Donât you think youâve been irresponsible getting involved with someone you donât know anything about?â
animuras:
This was - this was a joke, surely. One of Utaâs strange off color jokes where the humor lay more in what wasnât funny than what was. Thatâs all this was, right?
He swallowed the laugh in his throat. For once, he didnât trust it.
He could just go with that, assume this was nothing more than part of the game they were playing. He could do that.
But heâd be lying to himself. Utaâs words had sent a shiver down his back, into his kakuhou, and useless as they were, they seemed to pump that icy cold through his entire body. Or maybe⊠maybe it was heat. Things at extremes did tend to blur together.
If his mask had been literal, had been the sort Uta crafted, then these temperatures, whatever they were, would have been enough to make it turn brittle and start crack.
Nothing ever came from running from the truth, isnât that right? Nothing ever came from hoping for the best. Nothing ever came from expecting anything in this world - this world or any other - to be fair.
He slid his one hand off the table, let the one holding the coffee cup fall to his lap. On instinct he hid them, in case they started to shake. Had they already started to shake? Why would they be - be doing that?
This was good news, right? Was he glad? Jealous? Surprised? Angry?
He didnât - he didnât know. Heâd never been good at that sort of thing. Reading it in others, knowing how to provoke it, how to twist it all - that came naturally. But this?Â
There were dozens of ways the scientists could have managed something like this. Erasing his memory of the event to keep things interesting, giving memories that werenât even real to Uta, just to taunt him. Or maybe their entire process of taking people to this city was more a copy than a cut. Each of these scenarios changed things, and yet. And yet he couldnât seem to care.
He blinked, and it was like he was outside himself, watching himself sit there across from Uta, and then he blinked again and he was back. Only it was as if half the lines out of his brain had been cut. He moved himself like a heavy weighted marionette. It was⊠hard to control, really, this puppet of his body. He let his head tilt back. Sigh, smile.
Yes, smile. Laugh, he told himself - Laugh - itâs fun. But all he managed was a breathy exhale. The distant cousin of real laughter.
âSo,â He managed to say finally, after what felt like hours but probably wasnât any more than seconds. âTheyâre all dead?â Saying it out loud, hearing it in his own voice, inexplicably made his smile wider. Made everything lighter.
He lowered his head and looked at Uta. It was all strangely distant. Strangely hollow.
âI suppose,â he said, âthat I owe you a thank you, then.â He placed his hands on either side of his coffee cup and began spinning it around slowly. âOr perhaps it should be an apology. I promised you all quite the show, didnât I? And yet. Here you are.â
Finally, he managed something akin to a real chuckle, looking down into his coffee. The color of dried blood, almost. âBut Iâm glad you managed to get something out of the opening act, after all.â
   Ah, so it would turn out to be one of these times.
   Uta had seen it before, in the faces of those who thought themselves to be strong in the face of a greater adversity. Uta, of course, had always been that greater adversity. In one way or another, he had spent his days at the top of it all, listening to weak squeals, and listening to the exhalations of those who thought themselves to be stronger.
   That was all Uta could think of to describe the scene in front of him. Even the most physically strong Ghouls were weak against their inner most desires and emotions, and thought it had all passed within the span of a few seconds, it was enough. It was satisfying. Though there was no screaming, or blood, or carnage, Uta felt himself content with the silent cracking in front of him.
   If Uta were an enemy of Furuta, he might be scared. Might. But even then, he had to wonder which of them would have ended up the victor of that battle; if he made the effort to push aside the laziness that had slithered its way into his modern life, he didnât think there were many people who could overcome him, no matter how unstable and upset they were. But, Furuta wasnât that type, right? He was all about acts, just as all of the Clowns were... wasnât he?
   Ignoring just how little he could concretely say about his ally, Uta continued to survey him with the same gaze, wondering how much energy it took to say the things he was hearing.
   âAnd yet, here I am.â The confirmation was flat and almost indicative of blame, though that certainly wasnât the case at all. Uta knew better than to blame Furuta for ending up in Hive City, even if it was all thanks to the one sitting across from him that he had built up his hopes of entertainment and enjoyment in Tokyo. No, it was Utaâs own fault for depending on another so heavily to provide him with a worthy show.
   âTheyâre all dead. And once you return, youâll be able to see it for yourself, so by all means, rest easily. I believe you have a particular childhood friend waiting for you here.â
   It could have been easily mistaken for comfort, but just like his previous statement, that wasnât what he meant by it at all. If Furuta could be overwhelmed and finally let the charade of his fade away, perhaps then Uta could be completely satisfied. A mask in one home was just a weight in another (even if such a sentiment could go both ways, for now Uta would ignore his own fate, and enjoy the downfall of another â what else was there to do here, anyway?).
ilikebottombunk:
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