Just Another Nerd

Bad sleep schedules aside, fluency in procrastination and complaining was a trait I didn't want unlocked, and I'm SO gonna make it everybody's problem. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[treecitysessions]

They should invent a person who is sexually attracted to you and also cares about you as a person

[cuuno-moved]

its unreal how all of my favorite characters have exactly the same traits and hobbies and diagnoses as me

[technicalzombie]

oh, have you been tricked into loving yourself?

[cuuno-moved]

oh my fucking god is that what just happened

[lipstickmarks]

already looking forward to the coffee i’m gonna have tomorrow

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

things to say after fucking up egregiously

pack it up boys we've made a social blunder

let's run that again

one more time normal style

I'm going to become a statistic

further proof god is out to get me

it's because I tore my acl senior year

I couldn't do it for religious reasons

my ex took my talent in the divorce

good thing nobody saw that (said directly to someone who definitely saw it)

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

[dreamypng]

[yellow-cat]

im not really worried about aging because im only going to become hotter and more insane the older i get

[nongunktional]

best typo ive ever made i think

reblog if you feep stupid

[nongunktional]

spose we're all feeping stupid today

[dogpuppy]

[jewishbarbies]

I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes

[kosmogrl]

well yes!

[teaboot]

I’m sorry, you don’t know WHY??

[howtotrainyourpotato]

this tag is too glorious not to include

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

PHRASES ADDED!

"Alliance to destroy Elon Musk's testicles with a spinning kick"

"Shalt I procure thee a list milord"

[anxietyproblem]

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

"do it scared" this "do it tired" that. well no one ever talks about the fucking insurmountable "do it with greasy hair"

[970317980622]

[phone rings at any time of day]

me: what maniac would call me right now

[mmavverickk]

new idea where stella is grown and a stand up comedian and most of her bits and sketches are about the shit Percy and Co. get up to

[mmavverickk]

her greatest hits include

"if you ask my brother what the craziest thing he's ever done was, he would say jumping off a massive cliff to save his girlfriend from falling. which is pretty crazy. but if you ask his girlfriend the same question? she'll give some vague one-liner about all the powerful people he pisses off apparently almost daily. she makes it sound like he's made a hobby of annoying CIA assassins—which, given the christmas card stash of his under a floorboard in the kitchen, is entirely possible. and that's definitely super crazy. but guess what. if you ask his best friend? he would say blowing up his old nemesis' cruise ship. yes. you heard me right. he blew up. an entire cruise ship. and this is all crazy. all of it. like, what the fuck. but the worst part? every single person i ask has a different answer. he caused a glacier to collapse, he drank poison for a bet, he jumped off the top of the saint louis arch. honesly i'm at the point where i almost believe the girl that says he escaped hell."

and

“my brother and his girlfriend got into a fight. i wasn’t supposed to know, except they yelled, and it was loud, so the whole building probably knows, but that’s not the point. the point is that he was saying something about “please, it wasn’t that bad,” and you know what she replied? you know what she said? she said, “Percy, we thought you were dead! you crashed your own funeral!” and may i just say. WHAT???”

[mmavverickk]

“my brother has, i don’t know, like 17 half-siblings, apparently, on his dad’s side. me personally, i’m happy having just the one sibling, but percy? he seems to love it. every time i see him, i get some new outrageous story that’s happened at his dad’s. one day, it’s “Try led a coup the other day and all dad did was grade him on it,” and the next it’s “Kim tried to destroy a small island nation last week and dad finally agreed to let her get a divorce if she’d stop ‘cause this is the fifth one this month,” and the next it’s “Tyson set me on fire again but it’s okay it was an accident and he gave me a knife as an apology.” and you think that’s bad? don’t even get me started on his cousins.”

[mmavverickk]

“he’s got this cousin, and i swear this girl owns a zoo. she’s got, like, an iguana, and a pug, and a parrot, and a weasel, and an alligator, and so many other things! and they’re all so cool, and her horse is named Arion, and every single one of her other pets is named Frank. All of them. there’s the horse, and the Franks.”

[mmavverickk]

"i asked, once, if i could have a guinea pig. before my mom could even open her mouth, my brother snaps, "no." and he never snaps. so of course i ask why. and he starts ranting. he goes on about how guinea pigs are untrustworthy and half the time turn out to be pirates, and lettuce isn't even that good anyway, and to always take my vitamins, and he finishes his rant with a, "Stel, never go to a spa in the bermuda triangle," and a firm nod. and you know what? i never asked again."

[mmavverickk]

“we got our annual christmas card from the cia in the mail this week, and this year, they included an extra note! “Mr. Jackson,” this note said, “we are pleased to inform you that the charges against you in Greece and Rome have been dropped. you are no longer wanted for destruction of property, trespassing, breaking and entering, arson, theft, and possible homicide. however, you are still barred from traveling to europe. merry christmas!” and you know what he said? do you want to know what he said? he said, “oh, i’d forgotten about the arson charges.” and no one will explain to me what happened.”

[txttletale]

sorry for [remembering a tumblr post about expressing gratitude instead of apologising to make the interaction more positive for the other person] i mean thank you for having a boyfriend who was so easy to run over withmy car and reverse over three times maybe four

[uinferno]