You stare at the ground. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven steps. Was the ground always this color? You couldn't tell. You can hear your heartbeat. The world sounds a little too crisp. You never really... Paid attention to the hum of the powerlines before. Eight, nine, ten steps. You can feel the exact contact points between the soles of your feet and the ground.
There is an inexplicable heaviness in your chest, like a backpack was suddenly placed on your back without permission, and you have no idea what's in it. Why does it feel so bad?
Why can you not feel it the second you try? It must be nothing.
"Get over yourself. Nothing is wrong. Let's just keep going. God you're so dramatic", Roxy snarls. You feel like punching her in the face.
"No bad events today. Emotions unjustified. Likely root cause, emotional instability. Do you feel insane?", Orion says. You know his tone is pragmatic, and yet something about it feels... Mocking. He's a computer, he is only stating facts. And yet, are you actually insane? Are you actually broken?
Your knees feel weak. It's like your eyes are seeing everything but your brain can't register. The backpack is too heavy.
"Juno..." Rei lifts up a wooden hand, his ball joints creaking. And then, he stops mid step. He's supposed to comfort you, but he's still a part of your brain. What sort of comfort can a panicking brain really find?
What would RAY say here? "Steady your breathing. Hands on your temples". Therapy bullshit.
"Ray is gone, and as far as you know it's your fault", Roxy growls, her tail wrapping around your already weak calves. Her shadow looms over you. Your heartbeat rises.
"How could you know you were in the right to say that to him? Holier than thou piece of shit? He was the only one who put up with your bullshit and yet you made him run away. What if he's dead!"
The world is spinning. The blood is rushing to your head, making you see colorful static cloud your vision. This is wrong. All so wrong. You feel your legs give way. You are on the ground now. You are in trouble.
"Hey... Woah. Don't pass out on me now. Come on, I've got you".
You can faintly make out long, straight red hair. Two kind hooded eyes staring at you with concern, and... Something else. Ash breathes in and out slowly, trying to get your own lungs to do the same. You feel pressure on your shoulders. "Come on, Juno. We've done this before. Focus on my voice. I'm right here."
iNERTiA is my indie RPG about dissociation, friendship and finding yourself. In it, you play as Juno, a teenage girl who moves into a new town... And finds her color again.
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