I swear I'm funny

...Sometimes.

[inexperiencedmemer]

I wonder if I'll be happier if I don't use Tumblr

Let's find out

[spitecho]

[pippinstook]

Ok, so, as most know hobbits LOVE mushrooms, but what if they love ALL mushrooms, even the poisonous ones. What if a hobbit’s body is able to handle more of the poison and it doesn’t affect them at all. And they love it!

[pippinstook]

And then they nearly give Aragorn a heart-attack when they’re heading to Rivendell. 

Pippin, just being pippin: Look, MUSHROoms!!

The other three, running at full speed: MUSHROOMS!

Aragorn, who is a skilled ranger who knows every plant, tree, and flower to survive: No those are poisonous!

Frodo, who’s mouth is stuffed full: No they’re not. We eat these all the time back in the shire.

Merry, speaking with his mouth full, spitting mushroom everywhere: Yeah, they’re definitely not poisonous. Do you want one?

Aragorn, now having an existential crisis: No, n-no. I’m good.

Sam, mumbling under his breath: Well I wasn’t gonna share anyways.

[enide-s-dear]

@penny-anna this seems like your kind of hobbit lore

[elidyce]

… OKAY NO WAIT THIS IS IMPORTANT

What if that’s the reason Sam and Frodo survived in Mordor? 

What if all those references to noxious fumes and tainted water and everything were completely literal? They avoided eating anything made there, but they had to keep drinking and breathing. 

What if part of Mordor’s defenses was that it’s literally poisonous to any creature not specifically bred to live in those conditions? What if Faramir was so careful about warning them about drinking the water because he knew it was fatal? What if Sauron’s general lack of concern about shit going down inside his own borders (aside from treachery, which apparently happened a lot) was knowing that any Mortal Man or Elf or Whatever that wandered in was gonna be stone dead in a few days, and his desire to catch any infiltrators on the borders was to keep them alive long enough for questioning?

And then these two hobbits who have spent their entire lives merrily ingesting enough poisonous fungi for breakfast to give Shelob a stomach-ache trot into Mordor and drink the poisonous waters and breath the poisonous fumes and scratch themselves on the poisonous thorns and feel mildly unwell.

Years later Sam gets a pained note from Faramir asking him how the hell he and Frodo survived when all the water is tainted with arsenic according to the survivors of the exploratory party and Sam writes back confused ‘What’s arsenic, it tasted bad and a bit metallic, that’s all I know honestly’ and Faramir goes to rant at Aragorn about how bizarre this is and is really confused when Aragorn goes into full-on flashbacks of watching those four tiny dumbasses STUFFING DEATH CAPS INTO THEIR MOUTHS LIKE GODDAMN CANDY. 

[pippinstook]

Oooooo, I like that!! And it would make sense after Boromir went on and on about how impossible it was to be able to breathe in Mordor.

[smbc-comics]

[loadingartist]

BONUS PANEL (for patrons/twitch subs) 👀

watch me draw the next comic today on Twitch

[lesbianrey]

me every time there’s a wipe transition in star wars

[shittynewyorkercartooncaptions]

[soapulp-archive-deactivated2020]

goes to the kitchen. holds a knife in my hand for a while. puts it back. goes back to my room

[daddykink33]

Dude

[soapulp-deactivated20200310]

what? what? what do you want daddy kink 33?

[bidoofcrossing]

[marcuslaurelius]

Ok he do be lookin kinda safe doe

[onceiwashere]

wolfgang amadeus mozart has been dead for 226 slutty, slutty years 

[bandmaiko]

[five-flats]

WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART HAS BEEN DEAD FOR EXACTLY 226 SLUTTY, SLUTTY YEARS

[soyoumusik]

Sometimes it be like that

[moss-wizard]

What a year this week has been.

[we-dont-matteratall]

It’s Monday.

[jacuwi]

It sure as hell is.

[actualaster]

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

[jaynavajasso]

yeah im feelin it

[hxasinthus]

i wish it was 1600 so i cood spelle words howe everr my harte desyred

[holisticfansstuff]

Tags via @aziraphalesbian

[fluorescentjellyfish-deactivate]

Please no this is how French happened

[bold]

reminder that being suicidal is a SERIOUS problem. i know this website has normalized the idea that having suicidal thoughts isn’t something that requires medical attention, but i promise it is and if you’re frequently having suicidal thoughts then it’s crucial for you to seek help.

[notcaycepollard]

reminder that suicidal ideation often doesn’t mean actively wanting to/planning to kill yourself but looks like constant low-level wishing that you didn’t exist or that you could just be hit by a bus so you could stop being alive, and that if you’re having those thoughts fifty times a day you deserve help too

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[chrishallbeck]

Bad decisions.  patreon.com/chrishallbeck