ENDURE + SURVIVE

𝐈'𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 '𝐍 𝐈'𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 '𝐄𝐌

[infectd]

*      |      #INFECTD.          an     𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓     +     𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘     blog     for       ELLIE     WILLIAMS   ,   from     naughty dogs’      𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐔𝐒 ,          . . .         ᵗʰⁱˢ  ⁱˢ  ᵃ  ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ  ʰᵉᵃᵛʸ  ᵖᵒʳᵗʳᵃʸᵃˡ  ᵃⁿᵈ  ⁿᵒᵗ  ᵃᶠᶠˡⁱᵃᵗᵉᵈ  ʷⁱᵗʰ  ⁿᵉⁱˡ  ᵈʳᵘᶜᵏᵐᵃⁿⁿ ,     *     .      written     by     mal     [     she/her ,     thirty+ ,     usa   -   cst     ]     .          this   blog   is   21+   due   to   themes   of  gore   +   dark   mature   themes.          personal’s do not interact.          rules   +   guidelines   under   the   cut. this blog soley follows the canon of the game , not the show.

𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩  :  @keepfight1n​

first off , hi , i’m mal.      i’m 30+ years old , she / her , in the cst timezone.      i have been writing on tumblr on and off for close to ten years now with a variety of muses.      this blog is my personal take on ellie williams from the last of us series.      this is a mutually exclusive blog meaning that i will not write with those who i do not follow back for my own comfort and time management.      i work full time and this is just a hobby and i intend to keep it as stress and drama free as i possibly can.      please read the rules below before interacting following as to know what to expect on this blog.      as well as i will not tolerate homophobia / transphobia / racism / and so on. and will unfollow if i see that content on my dash.

* i will not be using bella ramsey from the live action hbo show as ellie here. while they do capture her essence and is a great actor , to me visually especially in part two , i do not envision them as ellie. there for on here i will not be using bella. mainly i do use game imagery but if i ever do use a live action faceclaim , it will be cailee spaeny.

icon template / border base from @supersources​

1 ]      STEALING/GODMODDING,      just don't do it.      like i said above , this is my personal portrayal of ellie and i will not abide by people stealing my heacanon's or ideas.      that also goes for do not reblog my edits or posts if we are not mutuals / given permission.     if you do , i know where the block and unfollow button is. and that goes go godmodding , which should go without saying.      just be respectful to my blog and i will be to yours.

2 ]      TRIGGERS      on this blog triggers will be mentioned. such as death , trauma , blood and gore , ptsd , etc.      ellie is from a dark themed video game / world and so elements of that will be present.      however , triggers will be tagged like   :   tw: trigger.      if there are any i do forget to tag / subjects you are uncomfortable writing , please let me know.      with that , this blog is 21+.      if you are under the age of 21 i will not write with you as i am an adult and do not feel comfortable in those situations.      if you do lie about your age i will immediately block you.

3 ]      SHIPPING/NSFW      i am highly selective on my shipping with ellie.      favor the canon ships , but i am open to other possible ships but they would need to be talked through in depth and with substance.      as for nsfw posts / threads : i will not be doing that on here for my own comfort.

4 ]      FOLLOWING     there will be no follow for follow here.      reason being that i have just like to keep my feed clean for my own sanity.      however i do look over every blog that follows me.      please give me at least 48 hours to determine if i will follow back as i do work full time , and have a life outside of tumblr.      if i do not , it's nothing personal , usually the reason being is just that i don't see our writing/characters meshing together well.

with that all being said , if you have any other questions my dm’s are open. as well as , if we are mutuals , my discord is available by request.

[infectd]

i stg if my blog just got shadow nerfed while i was on vacation....

[mcflymemes]

"EVEN IN ARCADIA" BY SLEEP TOKEN PROMPTS *  assorted lines from the album, some slightly reworked to suit a roleplay format, adjust as necessary

i could die here.

now i know why i woke up here on the shoreline.

everything looks the same.

you'll find me with half a mind to get violent.

don't say it's over.

give me the edge of a blade.

nobody knows where i came from.

how can i already lose my way like this?

i used to know myself.

you used to know me well.

you wish that you could make me whole.

i have a feeling we're close to the end.

come out from underneath.

go ahead and wrap your arms around me.

godspeed to my enemies.

tell me what you meant by "living past your half-life."

you're well-versed in the afterlife.

you might be the one to take away the pain and let my mind go quiet.

nothing else is quite the same as how i feel when i'm at your side.

are you gonna dance on the line with me?

you know it's not a game or a fantasy.

i don't even know who i used to be.

nothing is the same.

some things have to change now.

i'm apologizing for shit that, frankly, i stopped thinking of years ago.

i still need a dark side.

they just need a reason.

keep me alive.

now is the time to take it or leave it.

did i get this far for nothing, or are you the reward?

if this is love, then i am out of hesitation.

i just don't want to be lost again.

i wish i could have known that.

when was the last time i felt like this?

it's like you're dangerous to me.

i notice every time we meet.

you've got me talking in my sleep.

i thought i could resist you.

when's the last time you tasted blood?

i might lose my mind.

won't you show me how to dance forever?

i swear it's getting harder even just to exhale.

i'm sick of trying to hide it.

i'm lost.

i guess that's what i get for trying to hide in the limelight.

everybody wants eyes on them.

if you don't think i mean it, then i understand.

i'm still glad you came.

let me see those hands.

i'll take what i'm given.

tell me, did i give you what you came for?

everything's the same.

somehow i knew my fate.

have you been waiting long for me?

no matter how we feel, we've got a taste for one another and a few good years to kill.

i wanna be your provider.

just let me know that you're mine.

do i wanna go there?

i wanna do more than just bend the rules.

you're the only game that i like to lose.

i'm going under this time.

i can give you what you want.

surely we know the difference.

how will i know if i can't see the bottom?

no one else knows that i've got a problem.

what if i can't get up and stand tall?

who will i be when the empire falls?

nobody told me i'd be begging for relief.

i've learned to live without it.

i no longer feel surrounded.

you never listened to me.

i was your undercover lover.

you never saw me naked.

you wouldn't even touch me.

i'm caught up on the person i tried to turn myself into for you.

i was trying my best.

i was in love with the thought.

do you wanna hurt me?

we used to be a team.

i don't wanna stick around.

please just let me go.

what are you afraid of?

are you the method in my madness?

i have fought so long to be here. i am never going back.

i could be stuck here alone.

i'm so tired inside.

i'm never leaving this time.

[infectd]

at this point....the show is more so made for people who have never seen / played the game because what the fuck is this shit.

[infectd]

the scars and wlf are just ... chefs kiss all around!

[keepfight1n]

he blows gently on the wooden surface before him, dust from the freshly sanded wood catching in the rays from the window. there was still plenty of work to be done ── he needed to find springs for the tuning pegs, needed to find strings before it would be playable. of all the things that needed fixing in this old house, a guitar should have been the last thing on his mind. but it was peaceful, meaningful. it felt good to settle in the promise that music held. besides, this one needed to be different because it was for her. he needed to lay the strings in reverse order to be played with the opposite hand.

he brushes his hand over the smooth surface of the base of the guitar before catching the sight of her out of the corner of his eye. he places the piece of sandpaper on the surface before him and turns to look at her. " not quite ready, but . . . shouldn't take too long. you were gettin' too good to just leave it behind. "

@infectd gets a starter to repair ourselves !

[infectd]

wiping free the sweat gleaming on her brow as she stood , ellie took a step back to take in the kitchen cabinets before her.      lost was the years of abandoned dust and grime , revealing as close to a polished functioning look as she could get with what tools they managed to grab on their last run to jackson.      slowly the old farm house was becoming a home.      even if learning how to hammer , screw , and sand with her opposite hand was proving anything but easy.      flexing her fingers to relieve the ache , ears listen for the old man somewhere in the house.      it had been a while since she had seen him last , and curiosity had always been a feeble friend.

climbing the stairs , peering through the still work - in - progress bathroom and bedroom , it wasn’t until she heard the subtle swoosh of air that turned her attention onwards.      finding joel , clearing off her old guitar , it brought a sense of calm normalcy over her essence.      as if , whereas so much had changed , some remained the same.      ❛   i didn’t even know you grabbed it.   ❜      she said coming to lean against the door frame.      ❛   dunno if my playing is gonna still be the same though.   ❜

[sersh]

CAILEE SPAENY Behind the scenes on the set of Alien: Romulus via pedroluque on Instagram Stories

[infectd]

– @manupropria ( joel ) get's a starter !

❛   hey , joel.   ❜ there is distance in her voice. hints of trying under the words as she looks upon the aging man standing in the stables. ellie knew . . . she knew that the fact she was to go on route with joel today was not purely a coincidence. but exhaustion already weighed heavy on her , if not more so knowing she would be riding alongside him all day , and to fight was not high on her list of to - do's. so she would bear it. ( if he could keep secrets , so could she. ) ❛   guess you're going with me today ?   ❜

[infectd]

– @keepfight1n get's a starter !

with the sun illuminating the fields before them in a deep orange as it began it's decent for the approaching night , footsteps on rickety floorboards give away ellie's approach as she comes to join beside joel on the porch. two mugs in her grasp , it's not until she comes to rest beside him that she hands over the owl painted glass his way. ❛   if i tell you that you were right about coffee , you're gonna hold it over my head for the rest of my life aren't you ?   ❜ a true , honest smile perks at the edges of her lips while eyes look upon the quiet farm before them. ❛   it's a nice evening.   ❜

[infectd]

okay listen...let me write you a starter because that fucking episode !!

[keepfight1n]

ㅤhe'd seen the aftermath. tommy, dina, jesse. he knew the journey back had taken longer than the time it took for everything to unravel. wasn't that how it always was? defining moments happened so quick, almost undetectable. they didn't have to be longer than that to make an impression. the way her fingers trembled said as much.

ㅤhe's patient; he isn't too familiar with the courage it takes to confess, but he knows the fear intimately. he wishes he could unravel the truth for her. pull the plug on a drain keeping those memories locked in her mind just to make it easier. selfishly, he wants to know. time spent confined to recovery had only formed morbid questions that he needed answers to. it didn't matter what it was.

ㅤthough she looks away from him the second her lips part, his gaze remains fixed on her face. he isn't sure what he's looking for in her expression, but he's afraid to look away. afraid that if he stops looking, this will end. she'll retreat, bottle it back up to be dealt with in solitude. he made a promise . . . and if she ever decides to look back at him, he needs to be sure to uphold it. he swallows the emotions gathering in the base of his throat & looks at her like he always has.

ㅤ" you . . . survived. " he knows it won't be the consolation he wants it to be. he could remember days where that justification was all that brought him home. HE'D SURVIVED. tess, tommy. death fell at their feet, and they survived to fight the next day. " doin' bad things doesn't make you a bad person, ellie. i don't believe that. " if he did ─── what would that make him? intentions had to count for something, right? he couldn't say that he wouldn't have done the same if roles had been reversed. " i wish i had an answer that would make all of this better but . . . i think we both know it's not that easy. "

[infectd]

it takes every bit of inner strength for her to raise her eyes to his when he continues.      to near force herself to take in the advice - like words he offers in this moment of rawness she so rarely displayed.      but the more she let her eyes cling to his , the more she saw them.      saw what she had done in joel’s name.      

SURVIVAL   ––   yes ellie had survived feats within seattle and california that would have spelled the end for anyone else , but the question remained.      had her surviving been worth all the blood   ( foe and friend )   that now forever stained her hands ?      the look in the eyes of the other’s as the light dulled out , how heavy her blade weighed down her hand   . . .   ellie had fled in search of revenge and in turn closure , but all she had been left with was a hole within larger than when she first left.      others would side with joel in this moment , but for ellie , she couldn’t disagree more.      and with him standing before her , as much alive as anyone else , the more it all felt pointless.      further pushing her to believe that she was the monster joel claimed she was not.

but she has to try.      the one promise she still held the tightest within her heart that , even after all this time , had not broken.      and if joel could still look at her , look at the person she had become after her trek across the west coast , and not turn away   ––   who was she to run the other way ?      so she inhales , lets the oncoming fall air encase all space in her lungs to calm the trembling shake in her hands , keeping her eyes upon his as the trying nod of agreement silently bobs her head.      

❛   does it ever get easy ?   ❜      the first words uttered from her lips in a long moment.      words that feel like shards of glass as they creep their way out.      no longer skating around the truth , no longer acting okay.      not if she was going to try.      ❛   looking at yourself again after   . . .   ❜      it’s then that she pulls the hand she’d kept buried in her pocket out.      the bandages doing nothing to hide the fact two fingers now sat missing from her knuckles.      ❛   everything ?   ❜

[infectd]

like this and i will write you a small something to get this blog dusted off !

[infectd]

i guess i should come and start dusting off this blog in preparation for next week...

[infectd]

crawls in from the pit of hell itself due to the trailer release ... did you miss me ?!

[infectd]

– @keepfight1n get's another starter for the feels

the images never left her mind.      flashes of what those walls had said in the abandoned area of the museum.      the silent cries for forgiveness for ones acts that seemed to linger in the stale air while anger radiated from the spray painted words.      liar.      the fireflies had been liars.      had promised the world a cure , had promised the world her , and failed in delivering.      they had failed   . . .   right ?      questions spiral in ellie’s thoughts as she gazes over the fresh flames of the fire before her.      the joyous moments prior of her birthday falling away into the blackness of night as her mind spins with wonder.      ❛   what do you think it meant ?   ❜      the first words spoken in a heavy minute as the fire kept away the silence of the evening woods.      ❛   the fireflies being liars   . . .   ❜

[elliesproperty]

ELLIE IN EVERY SCENE 53/?

[keepfight1n]

in a perfect world, he would have been able to catch a glimpse of her & escape before she could have laid eyes on him. the unease fluttering around his stomach was not the demeanor of a man who truly believed he was in the right. it wasn't that he didn't trust her. after everything, she was one of the few he did trust. it was the rest of this world that turned him into the man ellie couldn't seem to get far enough away from. hands wring together as he watches them come in. he should have just gone home; he shouldn't have taken a detour to intercept her route. but the quiet relief that washes over him at seeing her, even seething, would be the thing that shoved all reason aside. " just thought i would loop around on my way back in, see how things are goin'. " it sounds innocent enough, and it wasn't a lie. this wasn't a broken promise considering all of the choices he could have made before she'd ever gone out on this patrol. even so, he couldn't meet her gaze. " it's fine, ellie. " who it's meant to convince is unclear.

[infectd]

it sounded harmless. and perhaps had anyone else had used such reasoning when ellie questioned them , she would be adpt to believe them as she moved on with her route. but joel . . . for some reason it wasn't as easy. jackson was supposed to be their fresh start. a way for the two who had crossed the country , traversing through hell and back to finally settle and breathe. and yet it seemed , as of late , to be doing the opposite. the questions she had regarding that day in salt lake growing louder in her mind , his quickness to end any and all conversation about it . . . an invisible tension bloomed with fire between them. and his presence , in return to her warryness , becoming next to suffocating. so when her eyes land upon his , taking in his excuse for crossing their path , ellie can feel the same thick air fill her lungs once more. ❛   you said you would trust me.   ❜ cool , seething careful words hiss from her lips. and had it not been for jesse surely in ear shot , there is no telling what ellie would have otherwise dared to say in response. ❛   or was that just a lie ?   ❜ again.