More updates on my life.
Still amazed at how good getting a job was for me. It's very interesting to me. I realized how poorly my friends treat me. I realized how it is when people don't treat you well. I was pretty oblivious to it most of my life because all of my friends treated me that way. They told me what I cared about what dumb, told me I was dumb, didn't give me the time of day, blah blah all that. My teachers were so kind to me though and that sorta made me realize how mean my friends were to me. But all of my friends were like that, I had no good friends. It continued and so forth into college where people were nice, but I didn't make any friends. But I liked being around the kids in college because they didn't drag me down or call me dumb or anything. But now with my coworkers.... When you spend nearly 50 hours a week with people, you become friends with them. It's crazy. They aren't interested in women's sports, and really don't care for it, but they don't drag it down. They aren't mean to me. They question me a lot though. I have no self-confidence, and even little things like writing out the daily schedule I don't do because I fear it's not good enough. I teach an elementary school sports camp, the kids don't care. But even little things like that, make me insecure. They try to make me more confident and don't make me feel dumb. They are nice to me. They don't make fun of me. We are fairly open (which I feel could be dangerous) but we talk about sex and dating and all that, which I don't discuss with any of my friends what I have personally done, they don't even know I talk to boys yet my coworkers know. And they tell me about their personal lives. They're nice to me and don't make me feel dumb and I'm comfortable around you them. It took me getting a job and just interacting with people on a regular basis often enough to get to know people to realize my friends have been treating me terribly and I shouldn't put up with it. But I will continue to do so until I get a more solid friend base. But thank god for my coworkers. I miss them. I love hearing all their stories from over the weekend. Sad it took me so long to realize how poorly I was treated, mainly because so much self-esteem is gone and there is so much damage to my confidence/to myself in general that I honestly don't think can be repaired.
