ashes of time:

a very childlike rage,　 and a very childlike loneliness.

[inimicalies]

IF THERE IS A LIGHT— THEN I AM GOING TO SWALLOW IT.    highly selective   &  mutuals only    SUZUYO AKIMOTO,     an original character set in the world of like a dragon / judgment, adaptable to most fandoms. friends oriented. mature  &  triggering topics present. written by inaya    (they / them,  egyptian, twenty eight).   personals do not interact. please make sure to read all rules before following.

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[inimicalies]

thinking once again about suzuyo's thought process during the cases she takes and how it is often apparent that what drives her isn't empathy but a sense of justice (that is also formed by the injustices that have happened to her in the past with the law ignoring what's right in front of them) because she chooses to practice morality since she's smart enough to see that it’s beneficial for all, especially because it is often more nuanced than to view it through a black and white lens and because to her it does not require more than just a choice to cause harm to innocent people. i also think this is something that gets discussed when shams dies and she takes more charge in the firm bc of how she was so used to following her through her loyalty. she had enough trust to know that the choice shams and everyone around them was making would be on the better side so she was fine by following their lead while trying to live her own normal life, and when she does die, it complicates everything bc of how she has to step up by herself now AND for others she clearly has come to care for

[inimicalies]

her anger is slow to gather but quick to erupt. during those past conversations she's been having, she masked her simmering resentment with calm indifference, though a quiet disappointment lingered. leaving the office behind, she walks down the usual streets she always takes, each step loosens the chains of frustration. it’s not that she wishes misfortune upon anyone else, but certainly, one bad thing targeted toward someone else won’t destroy their life. repeated failures, however, have hollowed her. she's lost the will to fight. these past few weeks have carved its own brand of suffering into her, no less cruel than the darkness of being homeless she fled. she left one place of suffering for another, yet the sun’s warmth softened the edges of her burdens, even if it fails to mend her heart or soothe her spirit. and now the sun is gone.

the last time she had talked with kaito she remembers the tears blurring her vision, uncontrolled and raw. all she could do was just cry and cry. she wishes the world would stop picking those who do not deserve it, but it's useless. suzuyo isn't naive, after all, but it drains her— that type of rage that takes away all her strength and makes her want to tear something, but she can’t. without a chance to change the impossible, there’s always someone else dictating if it’s possible or not. those faint glimmers of hope? what were they for? mockery, it turns out. and no matter what, she knows shams is a badly healed wound that she won't want to get rid of. can't get rid of.

she moves slowly across the floor, like she can’t quite control her movements anymore, but tries to find something, and she doesn't even know where it lies. somewhere, for sure. she tries to focus on the silence that she's missed, not the one of her ever - present thoughts that keep her up at night. and as if someone had decided to read her mind, @karezaru appears in front of her. she frowns, eyeing him carefully. he's looking at her like that again; the same way everyone seems to be looking at her. it drives her mad. and yet, there’s shame in being seen like this. especially by him. it's not as though any of them have ever scolded her for it. they wouldn’t, she hopes. but his gaze alone is enough to stir something uncomfortable, almost enough to convince her that she should present herself differently. before she turns around, she speaks. ❛ will you stop looking at me like that? it's pissing me off. ❜ and he's pissed her off plenty, really. a thick silence falls between them and she can feel him studying her.

she's aware that yagami knows about her avoidant stances when he sees them, and boy has he seen them multiple times before, and hers is a desperate attempt to shield herself from any pity. the tone of her voice is nothing other than annoyed. ❛ what? ❜

i know i should be sorry.

she clicks her tongue and laughs, but there's no warmth behind it. the single sentence lands like a dropped stone. suzuyo seems thrown by it, by how little there is to hold onto, facing a person she knows is only staying away to deal with the loss that is swallowing them all whole. she is used to problems that can be solved, not this kind of human misery. feels too relatable, deep inside. and she is tired of thinking about it over and over. she's not really sure how to continue the conversation, but despite her anger, she wants to. her anger isn't completely directed towards him, after all. she's at loss with herself and had hoped he'd show up, even if it was for a stupid five minutes. but he never did, so she does the one thing she can do: ❛ go to hell, man. ❜ she hesitates for a moment, almost like she's begging to be understood. ❛ you look like shit. ❜

[notmorbid]

the remains of the day.

dialogue prompts from the remains of the day by kazuo ishiguro.

you look like you could make good use of a break.

take my advice: get out of the house for a few days.

there is no virtue in clinging to tradition for its own sake.

i had to choose my moment wisely.

i'd never have figured you for such a ladies' man.

you won't get a better view anywhere.

you're in good shape for your age.

you really are the best.

you know when somebody's got it, and you know when somebody hasn't.

i'm still not clear what you are getting at.

you and i have to work as a team.

i do not believe i am confused at all.

if only i had as much spare time as you apparently do.

ladies and gentlemen differ in several key respects.

would you mind coming to the point?

______ is perpetually underestimating me.

i hope i've been a good ______ to you.

i'm proud of you.

what you describe as 'amateurism' is what i think most of us here still prefer to call 'honor'.

'professionalism' appears to mean 'getting one's way by cheating and manipulating'. ordering one's priorities according to greed and advantage, rather than the desire to see goodness and justice prevail in the world.

are you alright? you look as though you're crying.

at one point, i would have sworn you were at least three people.

you talk almost like a gentleman.

you're the real thing, aren't you?

i may have given you a slightly misleading picture.

why did you tell such a tale?

i have chosen to tell white lies as the simplest means of avoiding unpleasantness.

i know i should be sorry.

things have not been all they might.

we must not allow sentiment to creep into our judgment.

it was wrong, what happened.

where could i have gone?

i feel so ashamed of myself, but i just couldn't leave. i just couldn't bring myself to leave.

what's done can hardly be undone.

why do you always have to pretend?

i suffered all the more because i believed i was alone.

can it be that you're flesh and blood, after all?

why is that guilty smile on your face?

i am slightly amused by your astonishing capacity to talk nonsense.

we don't have money, but who cares? we have love, and who wants anything else? we've got one another. that's all anyone can ever want.

it seems you were right, and i was wrong.

no doubt it's refreshing to leave the house, from time to time.

i really cannot imagine what more you might wish for, in life.

i am very, very tired. can you not appreciate that?

what is the sense in forever speculating what might have happened, if such-and-such a moment had turned out differently?

he may have had a lot of money, but he was no gentleman.

_____ took us all for fools.

a lot of hard talking and thinking goes on in this place. there's plenty of good, strong opinion around, and people aren't shy about expressing it.

some mistake acting high and mighty for dignity.

i suppose i have been very fortunate. i would be the first to admit that.

it's a great privilege to have been given a part to play, however small, on the world's stage.

public life can change people unrecognizably in a few short years.

in my own small way, i believe i'm doing my part.

people here want to be left alone to live their quiet little lives.

i do wish you'd sit down.

don't you care at all? aren't you at all curious?

today's world is too foul a place for fine and noble instincts.

i'm really sorry. i had no idea things had been so bad.

will you wait with me? it will only be a few minutes.

one can't be forever dwelling on what might have been.

it is too late to turn back the clock.

sea air does you a lot of good.

you never know who you're addressing, when you start talking to a stranger.

i gave _____ the very best i had to give, and now i find i do not have a great deal left to give.

i've given what i had to give. i gave it all to _____.

you want a hankie? i've got one somewhere. it's fairly clean.

i can't even say i made my own mistakes. what dignity is there in that?

you've got to enjoy yourself. the evening's the best part of the day.

what can we ever gain in forever looking back and blaming ourselves, if our lives have not turned out quite as we might have wished?

surely it is enough that the likes of you and me at least try to make a small contribution count for something true and worthy.

in bantering lies the key to human warmth.

[inimicalies]

hey (menacing)

hey (insane)

[inimicalies]

hello suzuyo nation (population of 4)