Diary

Adult|AUS I want to be your poet

[inimperil]

About me

Non-recovering yearning addict.

I am a reluctant romantic; themes of love are inspiration and writing is an outlet for my neuroticism. Some of my writing may need a trigger warning and/or have adult themes.

Please note: I don't respond to messages from minors.

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I can't be trusted.

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At least we're friends, not a situation.

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Lotus

Chérie, il n'y a plus d'opium.

J'ai bien peur que nous devions nous contenter d'être de simples mangeurs de lotus.

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Moon

I needed a distraction My love's so distant and cold; they may as well be on the moon And I'm not an astronaut, baby. We're both jaggered silvers We tear into each other's ribcages You say you like me a lot; as a friend, as a person, as kindred Do friends fuck like us? You love the thrill of possessing my body Knowing that I can be the moon for you. But afterwards, you're filled with self-loathing, just like me I can make you worse and you, you fucking love it

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I'm no saint There's no halo that can hold back my disgusting inner self

You say you love my mix of dirty innocence All wide eyes but I know you think I'm cheap cheap cheap I don't mind. Neither of us can get what we really want in the end

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You said you met someone else And you wanted to know if I was jelly Oh darling, I'm going to show you how fucking jealous I can be. I know you'll understand. You know I'm in love with someone else.

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All my favourite books are about fictional men murdering their muse. I don't know; Sometimes I want to choke you Sometimes I want your hands on my throat

Sometimes I just want to die inside you

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I box myself inwards, carefully folding, starting with my voice and my hands, then my lungs. I want to be a little square that I can mail to your side and you will unfurl me with delight.

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You say you're not jealous.

Baby, why won't you look me in the eye?

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I wonder what you're doing without me.

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I think we see ourselves in each other. Strange and distorted but the difference is that I'm the shadow and you're real.

When your eyes linger on mine, I feel. It's like the first shock of air when you're breaching the surface of a cold lake; all shudders and flowing mist.

Maybe I'm just talking nonsense. Please please don't look away.

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Sometimes, I think we're two strangers sitting next to each other on a train in a single moment of overlapping universes. For a brief moment, our breaths touch and I'm enchanted all over again.

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There are kisses that are soft and fluttering. Then there are mine - all teeth and desire. You like how I sharpened them on your pretty skin.

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A joke

When we are both in bed, we form a sandwich with the earth between us.

You laughed.

But you know, I hate sandwiches.

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You feel like a ship that passes by;

A teetering lighthouse

You bask in my light, meager as I am. It tethers you to me and you carry me away with you. Maybe one day, someone will find the wreckage you left behind.

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Not ugly

I sent you a photo of my hand in bandages, fearing that I'm no longer as immaculate as you might want.

You've seen me stripped down bare to my soul.

Can't you love me?