StarDust @inject-h-e-a-t-h-e-n - Tumblr Blog

I think it’s really sad when you finally have a bad day and hit your breaking point but can’t talk to anyone about it because your supposed to be the strong friend and everyone always tries to make it seem that there situation is worse. Im sorry my feelings don’t really matter as much anymore

thegoodvybe

real-sad-boi

My Hearts Burden

My body and emotional well being just yerns to feel loved like you used to...

I crave those long paragraphs that just says why you love me, going into detail about the small things that I do but don’t notice but you notice and adore............. I crave just you telling me how important I am to you and your life.. I think about it and my heart feels so heavy.

I cling on to almost every romantic word, paragraph, etc that you have said to me when we started dating.. I feel like I’m giving more than 100%.. I feel like I’m constantly fighting someone just to get you to say you love me. Plot twist: I’m fighting myself.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to get you to say something romantic to me because I’m so goddamn desperate to hear what you love about me.. I’m so desperate to feel so loved again. I’m so desperate to feel literally anything.

However, I grew silent. I don’t say anything due to anxiety of you saying “you did XYZ” and I don’t appreciate it, that I don’t appreciate what you do to keep me happy. I stopped telling you when I was anxious or depressed because I didn’t want to hear “you don’t realize what I do just to keep you happy.” Because when you first said it, all I wanted to do was cry and hurt myself as punishment for not recognizing it.. TO THIS DAY, I feel so much guilt for everything you told me one day. I feel so guilt for doing what I did. TO THIS DAY, I’m so scared to bring anything up that’s bothering me because I don’t want to feel stupid or be told that my problem is so small to be making a big deal.

I never felt so scared to talk about HOW I AM FEELING to another person who may be the cause. I’m so scared to be myself, to say whatever because I’m so scared to hurt you, my love. I did it once and those words left a PTSD like effect on me because I’m always thinking about it, I’m always guilty, I’m always telling myself to not talk about why you’re depressed.

I scarificed more than you’ll ever know: my emotions, well-being, and mental health. I have scarificed so much more and you’ll never understand.