Scattered Mind

Let your adventures define you, experiences change you, and stories inspire you.

[inkedandscattered]

Our Silence

I hear you before the doors open,  shrink into my seat and pray against loud gestures, grandiose laughter. 

“How are you, my lovely ladies?” “Why are you so quiet, love?” Wait until he turns away; calmly, search for headphones and hope to silence the thumping that radiates from my chest, but not quite loud enough to drown out “Bitch”. No one reacts, except my friend, Amygdala. She suffers from anxiety,  an inability to decide between fight or flight It will all be okay… They are good men, probably, maybe.

Just in case… be ready to sharpen your claws, bare your teeth and steady… the shaking hand that hovers over the trigger - Waiting to spark the electricity humming inside you. You risk a glance and find yourself locked in a stare with Lucifer minutes before his fall. A glance transforms. “She was asking for it”, he’ll say, “She wanted it; I saw it in her eyes”. 

I’m so sorry. I must have misspoken, my voice not carrying far enough, not strong enough to compare to yours. 

I blink. He smiles. It will all be okay… They are good men, probably, maybe.

Statistically, I’ve been told I’m lucky, but, still, I can’t help  feeling terrified. 

So, I stay steady… My finger curled around the trigger, as the seconds tick away, bada-boom bada-boom bada-boom until it comes time to whisper fire...

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Trust

that I wake up thinking of you. When I go to brush my teeth, I remember how you use to leave water all over the sink; I miss soaking bits of my shirt and sighing at that water. Now, my shirt stays dry - the one you gave me. I wear it and hope that somehow I’ll feel the squeeze of your arms wrapping around me, chin resting on my head. I still can’t sleep in the middle of the bed; I turn to the window pretending that if I can’t see your side then it won’t be empty, and that you’ll still be beside me. When my eyes close, trust that I fall asleep thinking of you.

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Daughter of Smoke & Bone

Review coming soon! 📚💡

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Newton’s Laws of Motion [edited]

Newton’s first law: an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity until acted on by an External force.

I never expected Ace to be an External. I should have known, looking back at it now. His eyes should have given him away from the start. There was a spark in them, burning so bright it blinded me to everything else when I looked at him. The cigarette that perched between his lips faded into the background; the smell of smoke shifting, no longer making my nose twitch but encouraging a deep inhale. I thought I was finally at State Constant, that it was time to join everyone else in a settled life. I was such a fool.

I wasn’t at Rest. No one is really at Rest anymore, not since our minds filled with questions that burn so bright they keep us tossing and turning even after the sky has gone dark. Attempts were made, of course, to regain State Rest - meditation, yoga, drugs - but humanity has become too restless. So we continue to move, thinking of how we can change and the paths we’ll journey down, yet always alert to the speed of the ones before us. Some people never get hit by an External, others by many. I thought I’d had my share, but then Ace came. I tried to steer clear of him - honest, I did. The thing about Externals is that they’re persistent. He forced me to stop.

Newton’s second law: the power of an external force is calculated by the mass of an object multiplied by acceleration, F=ma.

Ace was never supposed to be part of the equation. It didn’t make any sense. His mass did not equate to the weight of the words the hung heavy in the air after leaving chapped, bleeding lips and settling into my mind. It was a weight that bore down over me everyday, drooping my shoulders a little more with each additional word, buckling my knees as I forced one foot in front of the other. No one could know the truth behind the weight I carried. I thought it made me safe, surely there would never be anything strong enough to counter it. Ace didn’t make sense. It just shouldn’t have been possible. The numbers didn’t add up. But then again, perhaps it was me, tiny and fragile, beneath all those layers that allowed him to become an External. He stripped me of my words. The acceleration of it all snatched the air from my lungs, impossible to add my own to cover my nakedness. There was no time to think. He thrusted me forward at a speed I knew not how to control. It was exhilerating. It was new. I let him take my hand and pull me forward, the wind painting my cheeks red. We ran together.  

Newton’s third law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

The thing is, Ace may be my External, but it turns out that I’m his

[positivedoodles]

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FOREVER IS JUST A BLINK ——————————– When you’re away, it screams at me when the sun seeps through the open spaces that can never quite fill in your absence, but nothing compares to the seconds that turn to minutes, hours, a lifetime before I see you appear, and it all falls away; the distance visible and no longer counted by sun rises and sets; the moments that you want to last forever are the ones that race by too quickly, and you wish it would just slow down, and you stop looking; instead, you listen to each heartbeat, the only true measure of time.

[readthebloodybook-deactivated20]

So I love these little editions of puffin classics. I have been after a copy of Grimm’s Fairy tales for quite some time, but my collection is now complete.

If you’re after these editions yourself you can find them here:

Boxset

Individual books: Black Beauty, The Call of the Wild,The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Wind in the Willows, The Adventures of Robin Hood, The Secret Garden, The Wizard of Oz, Anne of Green Gables,Peter Pan, Matilda, Tales of the Greek Heroes, A Little Princess. I think that’s all of them.

There is also Grimm’s Fairy Tales which is out of print and The Jungle Book which has not been released yet.

[inkedandscattered]

Newton's Laws of Motion

Newton's first law: an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity until acted on by an external force. I never expected Ace to be an external. No one is really at rest anymore, not since our minds filled with questions. Attempts were made, of course, to regain our period of rest - meditation, yoga, drugs - but humanity has become too restless. It is no longer in our nature to remain at rest. So we continue to move, thinking of how we can change and the paths we'll journey down, yet always alert to the speed of the ones before us. Some people never get hit by an external, others by many. I thought I'd had my share, but then Ace came. I tried to steer clear of him, but externals are persistant. He forced me to stop. Newton's second law: the power of an external force is calculated by the mass of an object multiplied by acceleration, F=ma. Ace was never supposed to be part of the equation. It didn't make any sense. His mass did not equate to the weight of the words the hung heavy in the air after leaving chapped, bleeding lips and settling into my mind. But then again, perhaps it was me, tiny and fragile, that allowed him to become an external. The acceleration of it all snatched the air from my lungs. He thrusted me forward at a speed I knew not how to control. Newton's third law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The thing is, Ace may be my external, but it turns out that I'm his.

[inkedandscattered]

I never saw her face. The heels of her boots stabbed into the soil. She walked forward without the slightest stray from her path. A third eye stared back at me, inked in black on her neck.

[inkedandscattered]

The metal was cool against her palm, as she turned it over with a gentle caress of her fingers. Fluorescent lights trapped then reflected back under close inspection. A smooth surface with angles so precise that direction would never be called to question. It was such a heavy little thing, not from the gold that showed superior monetary committment, but rather the weight of a promise, a promise that would hang securely with the heart. Such weight, only held by a fragile chain of looped patterns that could break apart at any moment. Too much of a tug, and the promise could be ripped away without notice.

[inkedandscattered]

Your insides growl, a demand, an assumption disguised as truth from your mind set reeling with so much change, and your desire to keep evolving. Try to drown out the hunger that yearns for a future you design, one that you finally see and no longer fear. A change you welcome but still, a doubt that cannot be helped when you wonder if everyone is right, and you're still just a little girl pretending, but then you stop and wonder what if everyone is wrong, and you aren't pretending. You are real; you are a Woman.

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Only A Moment

There comes a moment in life when you suddenly realize everything has changed, you've changed. The best bit? When, after all the tears, you accept it without fear and let it fill you - entirely. And you smile.

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The final product of a literary magazine that I worked on over the past year. Selected & edited all submissions & designed the entire book. All the work that went into creating this was beyond worth it! So happy with the result :)

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Blame it on Biology

Your smile laced with endorphins, hypnotizing heartbeat, temperature rising, skin on skin, oxytocin. Neurons firing, electricity, when you're inside me, overdosing on you, my addiction.

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Lonely Lovers

Wind blew in from the south late in the night to sing the leaves to sleep. A gentle whisper that grew when, like a child, they resisted trembling with anger, “No! Just another hour!” Wind is a strict mother stripping the leaves sending them home to rest. Bare bark exposed when he is left on his own. Sends out an invitation to the white ash that will cling to his skin, cover up the mother’s crimes, as her children decay beneath their lover. The lucky ones, burned, after failed attempts to flee. Their flesh rising towards clouds, they hope to one day fall and meet him again, always forgetting that mother watches – even white ash bends to wind.

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Don’t Speak

Caught in my throat lips sealed shut, swallow the truth, replace it with lies -  a laugh, a smile. Forget desires of warmth, his hands  wrapped around mine. Lips curl, eyes sparkle in an exchange of words unspoken. Two souls speak louder in this silence than words ever could.

[inkedandscattered]

We dance to the rhythm of his heart pounding against his chest. It's my favourite song; I listen to it on repeat.

Kristy B.