i just now noticed I don't really have an introduction post sooo
Hello guys it is i, inku!
Im a self proclaimed illustrator and messy writer!
im an adult but please don't remind me of that
im mod at @shroud-swap-au
im usually active in the #twst rp community since i have like two AUs Shroud related but i also like a bunch of other stuff too
im heavily attached to my ocs, please ask about them if you wanna talk but have no idea of what to say
also, do not worry if i don't answer to you i don't hate you or anything i just have low energy for socializing and im very forgetful
i apparently like a lot of robot angst so that explains my fixation with the Shrouds, Big Hero 6, Detroit Become Human and a bunch of other robot cool stuff huh
The memory flickered to Idia's mind like a fog refusing to clear up. He had gotten the news from from Ortho as soon as he had returned from his internship. The hallways of the hospital felt long and unforgiving as Idia Shroud rushed through them. How utterly foolish he was thinking that he could arrive in time.
He arrived only to see the doctor talking to Riddle was trying his hardest not to breakdown, tears rolling slowly from his eyes. Behind him, the usually stern Jamil was an inconsolable mess. Vil was pacing back and forth, trying to hide the fact that he was actually crying at the moment. Azul hud his face ,trying not to make eye contact. The doctor's words broke through the suffocating silence as he said there was no way to save Kalim, since the poison was self inflicted.
Idia Shroud has never been capable of saying goodbye..ever..
Which was made worse by the fact that Idia was standing among the hundreds of people at the funeral. All of them dressed in black. All of them mourning the lost of the sun. Jamil was supposed to give the eulogy but he could only make out the words between sobs.
Riddle was sitting besides Idia. He could hear Riddle whispering over and over on how there is not a single single rule way to prevent this. Azul was trying to keep himself together, but tears could be seen falling down from his eyes as he wiped them quickly. Vil muttered to himself about how Kalim even in death looked so radiant, which came out just as a desperate major to keep himself together. Silver was apologising over and over for his failure to notice things earlier. But his apology was falling in deaf ears.
How did the sun set so fast...just how? It was not his time yet..he was still supposed to be alive. Maybe it was just a nightmare, maybe Kalim would just walk in and say haha got you. But the nightmare never ended..it was reality.
He and Kalim were never close. Yet it still made Idia's heart ache.
How long was Kalim suffering without anyone noticing. How ignorant idia was, how utterly ignorant. He should have been the first to notice. He should have been able to prevent this. He should have known that Kalim was hurting this deeply. He should have paid more attention to his underclassmen.
Ever since then it felt as if Night Raven College had changed forever. Almost like someone had sucked all the joy of that place.
The months following Kalim's death wasn't better either. It only got worse, way worse. Only two weeks after Kalim's death, Riddle went missing . No leads were ever found. Which lead to Ace and Deuce be in charge of picking up the broken pieces. Soon after Leona , Azul and Vil went missing. Same way as Riddle, Just disappeared into the thin air. Jamil dropped out of the school soon .After the fourth person going missing, Idia's parents pulled Idia and Ortho out of the school. Idia remembers yelling at them but his parents refused to listen.
If they only let him stay in that forsaken school. Maybe he would have known what happened. Then again he was always cowardly. Always afraid to face his problems. Always running away.
The thoughts filled Idia's mind. Making it Impossible for him to breathe. His own words making the world spin.
How cowardly was he always. Always running from his problems.. always. Maybe if he had a single ounce of courage that others had, he would have able to save them. If only he wasn't so self centered. If he hadnt been so occupied with his internships. Only if he had been quick that day.
Idia suddenly jolted out of the bed, gasping for air. It was third time this week. He looked frantically around his room. He was safely in his room, with Ortho nearby in his charging pod. Most importanly He was safe from his past, safe from the events of Night Raven college. Why..still his mind won't let him rest?
[Holy shit- It turns out that Anon's question gave me motivation to write :P, this came out better than I thought. But the main question is ..will I get executed for writing this..? Eh, probably not]
Okay I’m only saying this as constructive criticism, but I cannot read your work for one reason, it’s this giant paragraph. Please put spaces or indentations to break it up and make it readable. I’m sure your work is great but whenever it comes across my dash I just scroll past it because it being this giant all bold paragraph, which makes it unreadable.
Please know I mean no hate or disrespect, I only say this because I want to read your work but genuinely can’t with the way it is currently.
- 🦐 anon
hello 🦐anonnn!!! so uhm, sorry to say but that's just how I do my writings and I don't necessarily want to change it...? I've been writing like this for a long time now and it's the most comfortable for me, and going back to change it all would take a lot of time. I appreciate you reaching out like this tho but I'm super sorry I js rlly don't feel comfy with changing my writing style 😖 hope you can understand, nonetheless have a good day/night!! 🥹🫶
bc Sel made me wanna write angst thanks to the thing abt Kalim that made Inku wanna cry!!!
SUFFER.
Tw: depression, mentions of body weight, toxic parenting, anxiety, mentions of spiraling, attachment issues, intentional starving, distorted views of beauty, toxic codependency, intrusive thoughts, and allusions to self harm.
Ash was good at mimicry. Something they put little pride in, but still, they had pride in it. To act like the perfect daughter took skill okay!? Even if they weren’t like that in reality. But nobody needed to KNOW that.
They could be the perfect friend, the one person you could lean on, anything anyone wanted. Just as long as they weren’t mean. So people don’t hate them. If they could be anything anyone wanted, then people should love them! That’s the only way people would love them is if they became who the other person wanted.
It was easy, for other people. Strangers, friends, extended family, even lovers if it had to come to it. But never their mother. Their mother always wanted them prim and proper, and that’s the only thing Ash wouldn’t give up. Their authenticity at the core. It was always a loosing battle.
Beauty. Their mother wanted them to be a beautiful woman. No scars, no darker patches on their skin, a slimmer body, and like those women in the magazines! Though, she’d never admit it. Ash knew it though. Every talk became about their beauty. Oils and serums to help their skin, diets and foods to help them loose weight, anything to make them look more beautiful in their mother’s eyes. It became a source for arguments.
But they played their part when they cried and went through the pain. The serums burning their skin, the diets making their stomach growl, and even to the point where they avoided food for days at a time. They could be the perfect daughter if they tried hard enough. If only they weren’t stupid. This is why they could mimic, because if they tried hard enough then other people believed it. Believed they weren’t stupid.
Everything they did meant nothing though. Because they mimicked, because the became what others wanted, they were forgettable. If they could do everything other people could do, why would anyone need them. They already had someone else to do it.
Being wanted and needed were two different things to Ash, even if very similar. Being wanted was nice, but that feeling always went away. If you’re needed though, it doesn’t matter if they want you or not, because they need you. They can’t leave, they can’t turn around and go the other way, because they need you. It was something they’d never voice though.
It was toxic. It was mean. So Ash never said anything. Never acted. If they did, then things would change so much.
Change was bad. Change meant people left, and people leaving meant Ash was alone. Being alone wasn’t nice. It made Ash lonely, and being lonely made them depressed, and being depressed them- not now. They couldn’t afford another spiral.
Spirals led to bad reactions. Spirals lead to people leaving. Just be quiet. Quiet is safe. Quiet means you don’t get hit, or people leaving you.
Ash suffered in silence. Their own silence. Talking to people rarely helped anymore. It’s not like they had anyone anymore anyways. Those people couldn’t handle Ash. It’s why they need to be silent.
