It’s a phenomenon that I have consistently observed, but could never find a word for it. I feel especially entitled to define this word because I was once a criddler several years ago.
Going into college I did not regard myself as a social person, and I felt like I was not very good at making new friends. I also felt obligated to socialize knowing that college was a great time to build a social circle and meet lots of girls. It was the perfect formula to create the ultimate criddler.
The fist time I noticed the sensation of criddling was at my first few college parties. Being a goodie two-shoes all through high school, I had no partying experience and didn’t know how to fit in at a party that mixed girls and heavy drinking. I was one of those kids used to spending all of their free nights playing hours and hours of video games in the basement. Drinking a ton of booze was easy I supposed, but I couldn’t grasp the other aspects of being social with the people around me.
As a result, I often stood around awkwardly hoping that someone would be nice enough to bring me into a conversation, and I also noticed good number of other dorky guys doing the same thing. Perhaps some of you might find this uncomfortable scenario quite familiar. Party criddlers like myself were so damn awkward we even had a difficult time talking to each other.
The criddler is someone who is both uncomfortable with themselves and their environment. As a result, people in the proximity of a criddler notice their awkwardness and become uncomfortable as well. It is a downward spiral that makes everyone increasingly uncomfortable to the point where it can shut down a whole party.
To explain a criddler to someone unfamiliar with the term, I ask them to picture this scenario: You and a couple of friends are having a spirited conversation about something for a few minutes, and then out of the corner of your eye you notice someone you don’t really know walk up. As you and your friends carry on your conversation, the new person who you thought was going to join your little circle just stands there awkwardly not saying anything, fiddling with a zipper on their coat. When you glance over, the newcomer looks around nervously, and averts their gaze when you try to make eye contact.
Criddlers can also be found alone or in loosely scattered groups with their backs against the wall at a bar or club. They generally have a sullen or blank facial expression looking as if they would like to mind their own business. It could make you question why these dudes are in a place where people should be trying to have fun and socialize with each other. If they are average guys, they are at the bar or club trying to get laid, obviously; but these criddlers are failing miserably at this venture.
Almost all criddlers out there have no idea they are doing anything wrong, but the awkwardness they emanate slowly bleeds the fun and enjoyment out of a social occasion. Girls are slightly more harsh, and commonly refer to criddlers as ‘creepers.’ To a small, attractive female, a dude silently lumbering up next to her and looking around nervously can be quite creepy indeed. The girl immediately goes into defensive mode not knowing what this guy’s intentions are and usually assumes the worst.
To help you get over your criddling ways here is how I fixed my own criddling problem:
Observe Criddling Behavior
Next time you go to a bar take a look around and see if you can spot the criddlers, if its a busy night you can usually find at least one or two. Perhaps you may even observe some criddling behavior in yourself in these types of social situations. Don’t worry, discovering your own criddler behavior like I did is the first step to solving your problem, and remember that as with most inner-game improvement exercises practicing self-awareness is key.
Practice Good Body Language
There are many reasons why people criddle, but it usually boils down to two main things: insecurity and a lack of self-awareness. When we don’t feel secure with ourselves for whatever reason we tend to project it through our body language. That is why the second step to fixing your criddling problem is to focus on your body language, especially in situations where you do not feel comfortable.
The first thing the chronic criddler needs to fix is their posture. Almost all criddlers I see either slouch their shoulders, or have their head and gaze pointed downward. When we are uncomfortable with our surroundings, this is the first dead giveaway to the people around us of how we are feeling. When you slouch and avert your gaze, you are signaling to others that you are nervous, lack confidence and don’t want any attention.
Next time you are in what you see as an uncomfortable social situation, imagine there is a string firmly attached to the top of your head pulling you toward the ceiling. Then, try to start focusing your gaze on the tops of people’s heads or the area just above them. Another trick is to draw your shoulder blades together, which brings your chest forward and also helps fix slouching.
When you practice good body language, people see you as part of the party instead of another lonesome criddler. Even if you feel nervous inside, embrace the feeling and accept it. Know that its alright to feel nervous and that others around you might also be feeling the same way. You may notice that as you consistently practice this good body language, some of that nervous energy starts to dissipate. This is because our body language and our emotional state are quite closely related.
When you consciously make and effort to do these things as much as possible, you will naturally start standing this way no matter what situation you find yourself in. Having a regular workout routine will also improve your body’s posture. When you exercise your muscles will align more naturally, and as a result your posture improves, especially if you are used to hunching over a desk all day like I am.
Close your eyes and think of something that makes you smile. Now look at yourself in the mirror, and smile thinking of that same thing. This is your natural, genuine smile also known as criddling kryptonite. A smiling guy with a good posture is the antithesis of a criddler, and magnetic to women on the prowl.
Start filling your life with things that make you laugh and smile, then let your happiness show through your facial expression. Then, start to seek out friends that are generally positive, happy and comfortable in some of the social situations you find unnerving. Start mirroring and embracing their positive energy while focusing on having a good time over anything else.
If you look like you’re having a great time through smiles and laughter, the other people around you might want a piece of the action and come over to introduce themselves.
There have been entire books written on practicing magnetic body language, so its not something you are going to perfect overnight. But through time, practice and determination practicing the things above will help rid yourself of most of the criddler syndrome.
This is the last critical step to sending your nasty criddling tendencies into oblivion. For some, this is the most difficult part, but with enough practice anyone can get good at banter. Banter is another word for small talk, and it is the ideal way to strike up a conversation and start making friends with someone you don’t know.
Keep in mind that banter usually covers small, trivial topics that are easy to relate to and often have a healthy dose of humor. The best way to learn banter is to learn from the people who are good at it. Notice how good actors banter in movies and TV shows. Better still, find a person in your own life who is great at bantering and observe them closely.
Practice banter everywhere, not just in the high-stress, loud, sexually charged, drunken atmosphere of a bar or club. Start bantering with the old lady at the check out stand in the grocery store, or someone in line with you at a movie theater. Whenever you are out in town running errands there are usually plenty of opportunities to start bantering with a stranger. Of course always remember your anti-criddling eye contact, posture and smile as you banter with people.
After you embrace these techniques and practice them regularly you’ll find yourself criddlin much less. By practicing your anti-criddling skills wherever you are, they will become a reflex. Don’t worry if you still catch yourself criddling every once in a while. 98% of guys out there are guilty of criddling, and even the most socially fluent dudes have their criddler moments including myself.
For me, discovering that I was being a criddler was the first step I took on my long road to fixing my Inner Game. A hardcore criddler usually has many aspects of their Inner Game they need to work on before they can rid themselves of this very common problem.
Nonetheless, if I was able to evolve to the confident guy I am today from the massive criddler I used to be Freshman year of college, I believe anyone can fully decriddafy themselves when they decide to take action.
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