Idiot clown page

Gender is a joke, the world is burning, I'm a clown, and ready to put on black nailpolish

[insertclownhere]

shit right

7,8, and this one makes 9

[insertclownhere]

the blank space

Before my eyes lays the blank space

Ever expansive

Ever lasting

Ever the thing that will cause many to lose their minds

So much can happen

So much can be done with it

And yet it remains as blank as the one holding the power

What should I make

Create?

So much I want to put but it never feels like it’s good enough

It’s never something to put a proper name to

So it remains a blank space

Sure words take up space

But it still feels blank

Unused

Not put to it’s fullest potential 

Colours and pallets that shall never touch this canvas

Should I stop making?

Stop wasting the space others could use far better than I

Maybe maybe not

Maybe I should have stopped a long time ago

But I don’t in hopes that my blank space

My hollow words

My minds meshing of vocabulary

Someone will see has a picture

A complete piece

Something that adds to the world 

Maybe I’m just an idiot 

But sometimes you need to be an idiot to believe in a better world.

[insertclownhere]

Good god I’m scared, I’m finally going to take a step in my life, and I couldn’t be happier. But god dammit I’m scared shitless. I know the world has been revolving around me but only now I’m stepping back into it, and I just hope when I do I won’t get sick and run back to stagnation.

[insertclownhere]

my name is diablo the cheater i am a GOD

The hunt has started, now hide your frogs before its too late

[insertclownhere]

Looking through tumblr is wild, I see so many new weird things people notice, create, and show. It’s me finally seeing something worth all the years on this planet. But there is always that brick wall where my heart is keeping me from enjoying them... I refuse to let it hold me down forever, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next f*cking year. But one day I will find it’s weak spot and take it down, because if it’s a war of attrition I can wait, it knows as well as I and I want any reading this to know as well. You can’t break down the wall but there is working around it or finding the holes where it cannot be repaired it’s just about finding them.

[insertclownhere]

Man who could’ve guessed audio books are fun to listen to, ngl I’ve binged almost all of the drew hayes I could get my hands on. It’s been wild getting into them again and glad I found an author who genuinely writes in a style I love.  

[insertclownhere]

Didja know that you can just eat chili straight from the can? like you can just open and eat it cold, it’s f*cked but also my favorite form of making people uncomfortable. 3

[insertclownhere]

FACT: Touhou exists and I refuse to interact with the fandom because interaction scares me, and no I will not make this a Touhou blog.

2

[insertclownhere]

time to start counting how many posts it takes for me to get a follower, so every post till then will have a number at the bottem left starting here.

1

[insertclownhere]

at this point this is more about me knowing I’m alive than any clown looking at this.

[insertclownhere]

The fear

I always think people hate me when they don’t. This is probably because of my fear of getting 

comfortable

complacent

Relaxed

because when I do I slip up and fuck up

saying somthing wrong

doing somthing wrong

being somthing wrong

I try to learn, but somtimes its hard to learn when the supports you lean on are 

gone

Left

Blocked

be it a lengthy message on how I fucked up never specifying the incident or words, or a simple block never getting closure or understanding.

Its a cycle

nonestop

again and again

I want it to stop, find a way to end it so I can finally get comfortable with 

my life

who I am

those I surround myself with

I’m scared of being close to people, I’ll open my secrets, scars, and stories but I never let them see

me

myself

who I am

because my fear is when I do, they’ll leave me again.

[insertclownhere]

Eventually if I post enough my brain will tell me I can stop and finally I’ll be able to do a thing which it won’t tell me what it is.... f*ck you brain for working in weird mysterious ways.

[insertclownhere]

If I killed the dude who invented sliced bread, would I then take the place of being the best thing for years to come.

[insertclownhere]

Fuck it

somone told me tumblrs are supposed to be personal so I’m just gonna use this site as the ather to shout my random thoughts into.

[insertclownhere]

If god was real

then why can I just.

[insertclownhere]

I am a god of the sleeping world

I see tree’s swaying in the wind as their green leaves turn brown,red, and yellow

I watch those who would wake and speak and exist and bare their leave of this world

I hope to go with them one day, one night, once

But I am the god of this sleeping world

Seeing all

Being all

Doing all

And yet I am powerless to relinquish it

My wish’s of a rest from my throne go unanswered

What god looks upon me despite it only being me up here

In the world of a sleepless god

[insertclownhere]

The Eternity

Between slow blinks and phosphorescent eyes The world darkens but the mind is engulfed in flame Eternity seems so long when the world sleeps around you Nothing but paper, thoughts, and graphite to calm the flames No skill to hone No preparation to make Plenty to be done But no world for it to exist in The breeze is calming but none the less chilling I wish this didn’t feel like forever Waiting for the cold to kick in For the flames to die And to join the world For eternity continues to last when you close your eyes But those who cannot follow feel it’s bite Feel it’s endless expanse Comfort isn’t what I feel Because it isn’t joyous It’s more of feeling apathetic This is how it is, how it’s been, how it always will be Let’s just hope tonight's eternity won’t be as long as yesterdays