Autistic trauma is so devastating and yet so corny. You'll be doing everything perfectly normal in public but someone will sneer at you and you'll spend an hour agonizing over yourself like "fuck what if no one told me it was Don't Wear Yellow Thursday"
Why do I keep saying stuff, WHYYYYYYY, like I'll feel comfortable around someone enough to not have to hide how I feel about people and then I feel like I've thrown them off and hate mt, WHYYYYY
I NEED TO STOP EATING SO BADLY, IM NOT EVEN OVERWEIGHT OR ANYTHING BUT THEN I LOOK AT MY THIGHS AND GO SHIT, LIKE I NEED TO STOP EATING AND I TELL MYSELF I WILL AND THEN I JUST DON'T, WHAT THE FUCK, I NEED TO LOSE THE WEIGHT BUT THEN DON'T DO ANYTHING TO ACTUALLY LOSE IT
Cutting, also known as self harm or self injury, can be a heck of a struggle to break- shit, I've been fighting for 5 years and ongoing.
You're not alone in this.
Let your cool emo older brother help out.
Information:
What is cutting? Why do people do it?
What is self harm?
Self-harm is when someone would deliberately hurt their bodies- whether that be cutting, hitting or something of the like.
This post is cut focused.
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Why do I do it?
People sometimes cut as a way to cope with strong physical or emotional pain, distress, suicidal thoughts or some kind of punishment.
But really, there's no 'why' to cover every single reason. It's individualistic. It's valid. Don't ever think you're not.
Scientifically, the rush you get from the pain, the adrenaline that's released into your bloodstream- that's why you do it. For that moment of relief, that need to hurt yourself to feel alive or to feel something.
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How can I stop/Why should I stop?
It takes time, especially if you're a frequent cutter.
Again, that rush you get from pain can be as hard to break as drug or alcohol use.
The thing is, this is way more life threatening than those. One wrong slip and you could slit an artery and bleed out in as quick as 5 minutes.
Think about that one person that keeps you going- what would they do if they found you covered in a pool of your own blood, motionless, gone from this world. What would they say?
Think about the panic of you running up to your parents after hiding it for so long, gushing out and begging for them to call an ambulance because you don't want to die?
Morbid. I know. But those are thoughts that keep me up at night, thoughts that allow me to keep pushing back the urge.
Tip!: Baby oil can help reduce the appearance of scars overtime! Massage it into the area once a day and you should start to see fading in a week :)
Think about your reason, write it down.
Remember it.
Cutting Kit:
Though I still strongly believe you shouldn't, here's stuff you should keep around for if/when you have a relapse.
Antiseptic.
Clean your wounds and keep your items just as clean. Infections can kill you as quick as bleeding out if it gets into your bloodstream.
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Lighter.
Run the flame over your blade to get some of the nasties off to prevent infection.
This doesn't sterilize your blade, it stops the spread of germs. Never place the hot metal onto your skin though.
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Bandaids & bandages.
Cover up fresh wounds and replace bandaids often to stop dirt or germs entering.
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Steri-strips.
These help close wounds that may have opened up too much, they aren't stitches but they do the job.
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Wipes.
I prefer the cooling kind to calm the sting of the cuts. They're better for cleaning fresh blood than tissues, plus tissues breakdown easier when exposed to liquids- you don't wanna get that stuff in your wound.
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Paper towel/toilet paper.
To use when the bleeding has calmed down, press firmly on the wound to soak it up and to help with the blood clotting.
Tip!: If you need to cut, cut on your inner thigh. Itβs easier to hide and thereβs less chance of hitting a major vein or artery.
Prevention Methods:
What I find helps.
Dive into some more methods to help yourself out too.
Rubber band/hair tie.
Snapping something against my wrist has helped me hold off for quite some time now. It gives me that pang without permanently scarring my body.
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Exercise.
Due to food being one of the main reasons I self harm, exercising helps put my brain at ease with no need for punishment.
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Hobbies.
I play guitar, I draw, I write poems or stories, I read. Anything to take my mind off of the reason why I want to cut.
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Calling people.
My partner is my go to. I go and piss off my sister too, she makes me laugh. And she's one of the reasons I'm still here.
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Crying.
Crying. Crying gets all of my emotions out- sometimes gives me a headache and exhausts me. But hey, at least I didn't relapse.
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Stop, think.
Stop and think- why? Why am I about to do this? What could I be doing instead? How can I fix my feelings?
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Put it off.
Just put it off for five minutes, see if you feel the same way- rinse and repeat.
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Butterfly.
I get my friends to draw on my arms, butterflies or their names specifically. If I cut, I kill the butterflies or I hurt my friends.
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This!!
Yep! This blog is one of my methods to avoid hurting myself :)
Don't panic.
Things happen, what's been done is done.
Breathe, calm down.
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Clean your wounds.
Grab out your little kit, clean up the mess and your open cuts. Make sure they're covered so they don't get infected.
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Cry.
It's okay to cry, whether its been two days or two years- things happen. Relapses happen. It's not lost progress, think about how much time you were clean for and how much more you can keep trying :)
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Reflect.
Why did this happen? Why did you do it? See if you can avoid future situations like this in the future to stay safe.
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