An update I guess?
Probably the best news we've gotten all year is that while yes we are still DID, we aren't quite as bad as it used to be. Co-consciousness is usually the default now instead of full hard switches unless of course there's a trigger or y'know, the bois decide to yeet me out of the way. Jake isn't as in my face as he used to be, I think he's exhausted but he's also still the first to step forward and take action. There's the usual shift of protectors, the originals have stepped forward more often, while others shuffled back a bit.
Basically the goal of "Let's get everyone working together as best as we can and minimize some of the amnesia" is slowly but surely working. I still have full switches just not a ridiculous amount of times a day like I used to. I still struggle with time loss and amnesia but now the alters actually fill me in on what's been happening lol.
I know it's not much but it's enough to make a difference in my daily functioning and makes me feel a little bit less like a chaotic mess. So I'm happy with how hard we've worked together to get to this point.
I also learned a really harsh lesson. Never date anyone who pretends they understand DID only to use your triggers and dissociation against you to manipulate you in the relationship... There's a lot of shit that happened that I'm still recovering from. That we're all recovering from as a result of my choice.
I lost the trust of some of the alters, the ones who warned me, the ones who noticed the red flags and I didn't listen. And it's taken almost a year and a half now to regain their confidence in my ability to make decisions for us.
But anyways. In some positive news, we've made some coolbeans life agreements since everything went to shit and I lost my mind and tried to end my life again this time last year 😅
So. We've basically decided to finish uni, figure out our career and in the meantime saving as much money as we can because the Bois want to travel around Australia for a few months and I'm like, sure, why the fuck not? Whether or not that happens will be determined by how things go this time next year. But I'm pretty excited. Mostly keen to graduate uni because I'm now on my 7th year of study and tbh quite over it. I need a proper holiday!
And for Christmas a few of the guys wanted a fishing rod and want to learn fishing again like we did as kids at the beach. Not that I can eat fish but y'know, they think catch and release will totally work.
And in general just trying to get used to roadtrips and long drives and working up to our post-graduafion road trips and adventures 🥰
Overall. It's been crazy, and busy as fuck and painful but we're slowly getting to a really good place after my colossal fuck up of attempting to date.. hah.
- Noxxy
