Inspector Heath

Name's Patricia Heath, Chief Inspector of the Skullship Crime Department. Please message me with any concerns.

[inspectorheath]

[interested-individual]

Im a bludgeon sort of girl Lets beat people over the head !

[detective-fez]

yaoi curse

[inspectorheath]

...Yaoi curse?

[detective-fez]

I got a curse put on me, I think im more of a homosexual because of it

[inspectorheath]

Fez, that's a blessing.

[detective-fez]

if that's the case, then i will be blessed with having a gay thought every minute. gay thoughts include: "i wonder if that guy would tie my shoes for me" - that is the age-old gay question, if you didn't know

[inspectorheath]

I did not realize that shoe-tying was gay. For reference: I am gay.

Guess not being able to think of anything but men is a curse afterall.

[detective-fez]

crap! how do I remove a yaoi curse. what is the quickest way....

... I have looked it up on the interweb, and it turns out i am not cursed, i am a perfectly normal watchdog i am just gay.... I don't think yaoi curse is real, I am just regular cursed

[inspectorheath]

Normal is debatable.

[detective-fez]

yaoi curse

[inspectorheath]

...Yaoi curse?

[detective-fez]

I got a curse put on me, I think im more of a homosexual because of it

[inspectorheath]

Fez, that's a blessing.

[detective-fez]

if that's the case, then i will be blessed with having a gay thought every minute. gay thoughts include: "i wonder if that guy would tie my shoes for me" - that is the age-old gay question, if you didn't know

[inspectorheath]

I did not realize that shoe-tying was gay. For reference: I am gay.

Guess not being able to think of anything but men is a curse afterall.

[detective-fez]

yaoi curse

[inspectorheath]

...Yaoi curse?

[detective-fez]

I got a curse put on me, I think im more of a homosexual because of it

[inspectorheath]

Fez, that's a blessing.

[detective-fez]

yaoi curse

[inspectorheath]

...Yaoi curse?

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez stiffened at Patty’s voice. Her words weren’t any better. He rubbed his shoulder and sighed. “Um, right…” He awkwardly spat out, letting her talk. When she was done, he muttered out. “Well, I’m sorry you’re stressed.” He replied frankly, sympathetic. He knew what happened, so he kept it brief and tried to keep it unbiased. “Right, I told Walters that Amy knew… I had evidence against him. Then she turned against me and, without my wishes, went on a hunt for him. Then Walters, Judith, and I were moving out of the laboratory exit… Thing, and Amy ambushed us. Walters took Judith into the corner without me, so I was left out there.” He swallowed. “Then I charged towards her to try and grab her blaster or tackle her, then I got shot, Judith then saved my hide and Walters… Um, by shooting the ground with her project, blaster thing, chemical warfare, which scared Amy away.” He sighed. “Then Walters saved my life by keeping me alive until the EMT came. I owe him a lot.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Anyway, I went back to the scene and found more DNA, cleanup residue. If it comes back as Walters, we’ll have some solid evidence he was there during the foul play. Should be here any day now. It turns out somebody uses vents to get around also.” He mumbled, scratching his head. “Hope that gives you some insight.” He shrugged, sliding his back down onto the ground and rolling his Iv stand back and forth.

Patty responded to Fez’ sympathy with an awkward, “Mm.” Maybe she shouldn’t have taken his question literally. Surely he was even more stressed.

As tempted as she was to apologize again she knew all that it’d accomplish is dwelling on it. Instead she simply focused on jotting Fez’s account down so she could compare both versions side by side.

“Yeah that lines up well enough. Skipping over the less-than-kind inferences he said that he pulled Judith back into the science wing while assuming you’d follow, high praise for your sister, and, well, that part isn’t important. After that he said a friend guarded him on the way to WR. Then he came to see me and brought Lieutenant Schwarzschild for emotional support.”

“Between security footage discontinuities and his brother’s job as a vent maintenance worker I can’t say it’s a surprise. He actually entered the waiting room through the bathroom and had to walk out to get his ticket.”

Patty paused to thoughtfully tap her pen against her cheek. “I’d suspect Freddy of being an accomplice if he wasn’t on the mend at the time.”

She brought the phone close and lowered her voice. “Speaking of: His injury didn’t line up with an alleged maintenance accident. It seemed more like a stab in the back. And surely you saw how Walters, well, Theodore Walters suffered similar mysterious injuries when you looked through his medical records.”

Then she leaned back again. “So what scene? What DNA?”

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez made sure the door was completely shut and locked. He held the phone to his head and cleared his throat. “Alive, sucking air.” He replied, his voice now more gravely and hoarse, not like the gentleman’s boisterous tone he once had. “Thanks for calling, I appreciate that.” He mumbled, dragging his Iv stand towards the mirror along with himself. He stared at his reflection for a short while, then rubbed his eye. “Um, so did Walters come in? I’m sure you heard plenty of what happened already from him.” He mumbled, sounding conflicted. On one hand, Walters had saved his life. He felt grateful and confused. He had a job to do but he knew in a way that this would get Amy away from Walters, then he’d stake her out and get her locked up, that’s the least he could do. He read back his plan in his head, still needing to figure out exactly how he could execute all of that. Thoroughly mapping it out was his best case scenario. Still… Poor Teddy. “How are you?” He asked Patty suddenly.

“From the right place too.” After a short, awkward pause Patty said, “Sorry. That was insensitive. I’ll hold the quips back.”

Then her office chair creaked as she sat down. “Frankly, I’m stressed. I gotta figure out whether to treat Walters’ custody as witness protection or criminal containment. And he’s not admitting to anything.”

The chair creaked again as Patty quickly sat up. “Oh, but he did tell me that their bishop can teleport and use blood magic.” She paused to bitterly chuckle. “Swell, huh?”

Then she sighed before saying, “Anyways, he did but I wanna hear it from you. It was pretty biased.” Against Detective Fez, that is. Although it wasn’t undeserved.

[detective-fez]

Fez was stuck in the ICU, and as glamorous as getting injected with morphine was for his aching shoulder and lung, zero special treatment, and dogs who were in much worse shape than him, didn't leave him with much entertainment other than occasionally staring at his phone from boredom.

When he was instructed to give Heath, his boss, a call about his injury, he dreaded it, but then again she was the only one to actually give him consideration, he was grateful for that eternally, reminding himself to thank her. Yet, it led him to stay silent for a while. He stared at the foam ceiling tiles, and then his expression firmed up.

"Wake up." He mumbled to himself, whipping out his phone and dialing Patty's number.

He got to his feet, snagged his rolling IV stand, and trudged to the one person's men's bathroom, stepping into it as his phone rang. He anxiously waited for her to pick up, wondering what she'd say to him.

@inspectorheath

[inspectorheath]

Inspector Heath had spent the last few hours updating now-solved cases using the information Doctor Walters gave her about Amelia Harcourt and Samanthauel Knight’s crimes. It was a long, boring, thankless task that didn’t even matter when the Glornch kept her from bringing their members in. Yet she stuck to her principles and got what pleasure she could from closing each case for good.

Talking to Detective Fez was a good excuse to put a pin in it for now. Once he finally got around to calling she quickly answered with, “So how’re you holding up?”

[detective-fez]

I HATE THE ICU FUCK THE ICU

[inspectorheath]

How did you get in the ICU?

[detective-fez]

long story... got into a fight, got shot, in the infirmary now. I'm sorry, patty

[inspectorheath]

Why are you sorry?

[detective-fez]

because im awful at my job

[inspectorheath]

Are you well enough to talk?

[detective-fez]

yeah, I think so

[inspectorheath]

Can you get to a private area? Tell the nurses you have classified business.

[detective-fez]

yeah okay

[inspectorheath]

Call me when you’re ready.

[detective-fez]

I HATE THE ICU FUCK THE ICU

[inspectorheath]

How did you get in the ICU?

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez grimaced at Patty's threat. After a moment, he sighed gently, finally defeated. "Alright..." He fixed his posture then headed for the door, stepping along he began to question if this was him at his worst, his most paranoid, and his most selfish. He smoothed down his shirt, but that stubborn itch never left. He had to do something to resolve this.

“Great!” Patty brightened up as soon as Fez gave in. “Let me know if you need help chosing a case.”

After a long pause she added, “And keep me in the loop!”

[detective-fez]

Fez hummed in acknowledgment, then left the office, shutting the door gently behind him.

He stood, halting any movement for a moment, then furrowed his lid. As if he'd really back down now.

He thought of game plans as he trotted away, his head reeling.

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez grimaced at Patty's threat. After a moment, he sighed gently, finally defeated. "Alright..." He fixed his posture then headed for the door, stepping along he began to question if this was him at his worst, his most paranoid, and his most selfish. He smoothed down his shirt, but that stubborn itch never left. He had to do something to resolve this.

“Great!” Patty brightened up as soon as Fez gave in. “Let me know if you need help chosing a case.”

After a long pause she added, “And keep me in the loop!”

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez blinked at Patty, then his expression was apathetic. He slapped his head, numb. “Yeah, he was their tailor.” Then he paused. “Yeah, like, why would he do that?” He stopped, glancing at his hand with the scar across his palm, which he promptly wiped on his shirt. “He was gonna say… ‘assumed.’ Right?!” He stood up straight. “Wait, okay, so Amy was talking about how some of the dogs from Sam’s platoon were saying they never showed up for the invasion. Then Walters said… ‘I don’t know, I assu-’” He put his hands out. “Then he cut himself off.” He relayed.

After a long moment of silence Patty sighed. “Fez, I don’t have the context for that. And frankly... I’m sick of listening to you trip over yourself.”

Then she sat back down, folded her arms on the desk, and looked up at him with a diamond hard face. “Either work on another disappearance case like I told you to or get off my ship.”

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez frowned, then began pacing side to side. “He said he was fixing it…” He scratched his head. “But first he was like ‘Oh I dunno!’ So, yeah!” He mimicked Teddy’s voice, then he raised his arms up, his lid furrowed. “But then… What was he fixing it from?” He stopped suddenly. “Amy knew about it too, so why would he fix it if he didn’t like them?” He shrugged, rubbing the top of his head. He stayed silent for a moment. “Y’know, come to think of it… What was his relationship even like with them?” He continued his pacing. “I’m beginning to wonder about their last whereabouts as well…” He hummed, musing

“Hold on... was he their tailor or something?”

Actually, that would explain why Pat’s sources first spotted Doctor Walters with the Glornists when their relationship with Giuseppe was deteriorating. Could they have coerced him into joining to serve as a replacement? She made a mental note to jot that down before continuing.

“I’m sorry Fez, I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from but... Why would that make him more suspicious? I mean, why would he bother if he knew they’d never wear it again? And what’d he say dunno about?”

[inspectorheath]

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez' heart sank at Heaths biting words. He clutched at his neck, rubbed at it, and stepped back. He sighed. He'd die as he lived, fighting. "Patty, look, I know— it's—" He covered his mouth, pressing down on his face. He tried to formulate his words correctly, but all that came out was jargon beyond his control. He breathed, struggling to remember the timeline of events due to his blood pressure increasing. His hands shook, and he scratched at them to stop. "Look, he said that Deacon Lola took Sam’s robe after the news broke out. Why would she take it?" He shrugged, shooting his arms out. "She had nothing to do with it! What would be the point of that unless it was a false accusation? In fact, if she had, what would she even be doing with it? Mourning? I doubt it!" He breathed heavily, anxious.

For a moment Inspector Heath thought that Detective Fez accepted being taken off the case with dignity. Yet she soon realized that her dredged hopes were too high.

Patty rested her hand on her chin as she patiently waited for Fez to get it all out. Once he was finished she shrugged and said,

“Maybe she just wanted to wear it.” Heath said with a shrug. Then she asked, “Why’d Walters have Sam’s robe anyhow?”

[inspectorheath]

The Brutal Detective

@detective-fez

(Previous) Fez stumbled back. He stared at her, rabid and adrift. He reached for his tie but settled on keeping his hands to himself. He scrunched his eye and turned his head away from her. “I know! I know— um, that— it happened sort of throughout the entire…” He gasped for air, sweating. “Ordeal! I wasn’t gonna try anything, honest. He was just acting suspiciously— You should’ve seen what he looked like while he was telling me Sam had died!” He grasped at straws, distraught.

Inspector Heath gave Fez a long, deadpan stare. Afterwards she let go of him, swore under her breath, and flatly said,“Look, I gave you a chance. You blew it. I let you justify yourself with good, hard evidence. Even offered to give you a peek at his records to sweeten the pot. You didn’t.”

“All you did was...” Heath twirled her wrist as she struggled to find the words. “I dunno, tell me about how he has bad vibes or whatever?” She air quoted that pinch of slang with an eye roll.

Then Inspector Heath put her hands on her hips and leaned towards him as she declared, “Find a different case. Save someone who deserves it instead of someone who deserves to die. And do not get involved with the Glornists again.”