@instant-sandwich - Tumblr Blog

Posts

hockeydiva

my collection

sometiktoksarevalid

wifegideonnav

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

Goals

I need to tell you, the sound is VERY important, and the final frame of the video is 👌👌👌.

the-frightening-ghoul

ㅤ

chronicallymistreated

People only have so much patience for those of us with chronic illnesses, chronic pain, and or mental health difficulties.

At the beginning there is so much support (or at least more support) but when they realise you're not recovering as quickly as they'd like... you get avoided, isolated, told you're exaggerating, etc. They seldom think about how those of us with chronic issues feel. How overwhelming it is to deal with everything day in and day out. There is so much anxiety, depression, grief, etc when dealing with chronic issues regardless of what they are.

If you're even more isolated because people refuse to see how much you're struggling or you're not recovering "fast enough" for the people around you just know you're not alone! There are so many of us in the same boat too

instant-sandwich

Oof ouch my bones

everydaylouie

Would You Still Love Mii?

eldritchbauble

Your parents can love you and still be shitty abusive parents. They can mean well and still fuck up. They might fuck up without even knowing it's abuse.

Sometimes I think about how, when I was 5, my dad would make grilled cheese sandwiches and cut them into dinosaur shapes for me. Other times when I was hungry, he would refuse to feed me at all, because he decided that 5 was old enough for me to cook for myself when he didn't feel like doing it.

I think about how he taught me to swim, and fish, and (yes) throw a ball. In the summer, at night, he would wrap me in a huge comforter and carry me around outside to show me the constellations. But I hated being left alone with him because he was often bad tempered, mean to me for no reason, and I couldn't count on him for basic things like food.

Sometimes I think about how my mom raised hell in my high school principal's office in front of multiple faculty members because they weren't complying with my IEP (disability required accommodations). She always saw red if someone else laid a finger on me, even figuratively. When we were at home she screamed at me for things I had no control over and said I was using my illness to get my way.

I think about how she bought me art supplies and paid for lessons for all of my hobbies. She attended every single concert, performance, and game. I don't think I went a day without being told she loved me while growing up, and she constantly told me how proud she was. But I could never trust her mood and she could go from loving mother to terrorizing me before I knew what was happening.

My parents love me but I still flinch if someone in my vicinity washes a dish a little too aggressively. My parents never intentionally traumatized me, but my nervous system never knew the difference. Neither of my parents saw anything they did as abuse; they believed they were good parents. It wasn't until my mom was in her mid 60s that she grasped that her own childhood had been abusive, too.

They're not bad, irredeemable people. They're complex people with a lot of their own trauma who lacked many skills necessary for good parenting. I could hate them for it, but I don't. I'm not obligated to forgive them, and I don't think I have, and I don't know whether I ever really will. My parents damaged me a lot in ways that have affected my whole life, and I still have good memories with them.

eldritchbauble

It's been a year and a half (a year of which I've spent living in the same house with my mother again), and my thinking has changed. I know this post has resonated with a lot of people, but I no longer completely agree with it anymore. And I feel the need to talk about that now with more perspective.

It's disheartening to have to admit to yourself that some people you held out hope for probably won't get better and aren't necessarily redeemable and are actually just. Bad at being people. There may not be categorically good and bad people, but at the same time, sometimes, it is that simple. A person who repeatedly chooses to harm others when they've been given a thousand chances to learn and grow is not a good person.

They're still complex people with a lot of their own trauma who lacked many skills necessary for good parenting. I still have good memories with them.

There can still be good in them, but if they choose to bury that while showing you over and over again how ugly they are, then they aren't good.

I think there is a point where it's ok to acknowledge to yourself (and others, if relevant) that it's time to give up. It's ok to give up on people. It's ok to see them as a lost cause and stop expecting any better, especially when all of the understanding you've granted them in the past has done nothing but serve to leave you disappointed and hurt every time.

I didn't hate. I think I do now. I think that my resolve to adhere to nuanced feelings about morality has blinded me in some ways; I think it was also tied up in my own need to believe that there was something worth saving in my relationship with my parents. And everyone has their own point, their own line, at which they draw a hard limit on these things. The nuance is in the individual, in your perceptions, in the way that even microinteractions have impact.

I'm realizing that I'm completely allowed to view my mother as a bad person because she has spent decades committed to behvaior that destroys everything and everyone around her. I don't have to negotiate with myself over her good moments. I can define our relationship by the pattern of abuse that has characterized it for my entire life.

I think a better sentiment than "they're not bad, irredeemable people, they're complex..." is "even bad people can do good things, make you feel nice; even bad people are complex and not one-dimensional."

Beyond that I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I have any "real" answers to this stuff, even for myself, even for the sake of my own closure (I have none).

darkmaga-retard

querulousglare

If only there were some sort of facility where teenagers could be taught new skills.

grimthetransman

Anyway, here's a helpful diagram. When I was hit on the temple this was one of the harder things I had to reteach myself. Don't be shamed into not asking questions, and it's alright if it takes you a while to figure it out. Don't let someone make you feel bad for learning new things, or relearning old ones.

Sometimes, unfortunately, you have to teach yourself. YouTube is a valid option.

yeahokayillreblogthat

yeah okay ill reblog that :]

aqueerkettleofish

And if you have trouble remembering which hand is which-- the minute hand has to be longer to make it easier to determine the actual minute, while the hour hand can be less exact.

daysleftofsecondterm

helpful tip on 1,034 days left

our-trans-punk-experience

All brilliant but I am going to say that having digital not analogue clocks for exams is still a good idea because even for all the people who can read clocks just fine those clocks are SMALL and the hands are THIN and the halls are BIG and it's maybe just easier on the eyes to see it digitally

instant-sandwich

Also, analogue clocks can be wrong sometimes unfortunately. I think it's one reason why teens don't exactly know how to read them because why check them if they could be off when you have a digital clock that's exact.

#sad but true