just me...

[instantcheesecakevoid]

“My life has been a continuum of unanswered prayers and you bear the largest portion of that.”

[instantcheesecakevoid]

Oh poor boy, look at you... destroyed yourself at such a young age by loving someone you can never have.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

Why can't people just tell the truth? Is it such a mandate for everyone to hurt me one way or the other??

[instantcheesecakevoid]

People say that they understand what it's like to be me. Haha, no you don't. You don't know how it feels to have woken up everyday in your life without a single Good Morning text from someone. You don't know how it feels to have no one to care for you if you don't put in the efforts first. You don't know how it feels to have no meet-ups to look forward to later this week, or month or even year. You don't know what it feels to have celebrated your last 4 or 5 birthdays inside your room with no one to even bring you a cake and celebrate. You don't know what it feels like to keep waiting whole day just for a single text from people you used to call your 'friends' once. So please, don't consolidate me by saying you understand and care. Because your efforts tell quite a different story.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

I'm sorry. I wish I was better... A better son, A better Friend, A better person. No matter what I do, I am not good enough for anyone. Have always felt like a burden ever since the day I woke up for the first time. Even if I wasn't here anymore no one would bat an eye to look for me. I failed at making the perfect bonds with the people, I had hoped for. Is it too much to ask for someone who understands your silence? I have spent my whole life finding that one person and yet all I found, was me and my shadow sitting under the moonlight, trying to figure out what is wrong with me, while my heavy heart pleading me to just go to sleep.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

"Nothing gets better by me waking up early everyday. But the day I don't wake up again, will be the day all my problems end."

-Jj

[instantcheesecakevoid]

Waiting for the day someone will send me a Good Morning text or Ask me how my day was, or just check up on me out of nowhere when I'm at my low. Seems like a lot to ask for but let's hope for the best.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

"Even today when I walk across those streets, my eyes still lurk around to find her shadow, to see her just for once. But deep down I know she is a memory now...yet, my heart refuses to believe it. 💔

-Jj

[instantcheesecakevoid]

Thanks to the App Creator for appreciating our Interests 🖤

[instantcheesecakevoid]

"All I feel is Darkness...with a glimmer of the flickering memories of your smile which I'm afraid will blow out soon, and all there will be left is darkness."

-Jj

[instantcheesecakevoid]

"The sail I set for my dreams, years ago seems to be coming at a halt and the sad part is, I haven't reached my destination yet."

-JJ

[instantcheesecakevoid]

Back at ths point again where I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I'm lost...lost in my own darkness which I've created and the worse thing is I don't have anyone who can light up a candle, hold my hand and take me out of this darkness, It's just me and my thoughts and it seems they'll overpower me soon.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

I never work hard to prove anything to anyone, and neither to make those around me feel worthless. My work is all about me and my family. Believe me when I say this, I don't want my child and the generation ahead to have the same childhood as me. It wasn't too good back then. I never thought of my friends, classmates, relatives as competitors, but I guess they'll never understand that. I thought people would be proud of the man I've become, but unfortunately they are more busy trying to put up a competition against me; jealous about I don't know what. I wanted to help everyone around me, but I guess I'm all alone now. No one will ever understand the sacrifices I've made to reach here. I remember not going to parties, wedding reception, postponing all traveling plans, just because I had been working on improving my life. Everyone sees my accomplishments, but they Ignore the tears and pain I've suffered to be where I'm Today. I wanted best for everyone and still do, But you don't get that do you? I never wished ill for anyone and what did I get in return? Everyone I thought of as my close ones standing in front of me trying to prove themselves above me. This world isn't as great as I thought it to be. Never thought I'd have to say this, But people never thought me as their own I was just a competition to them. Believe me, the day I start to put up a wall of competition your ladders will be too short to cross that shit. I've had enough of everyone. I was a fool thinking everyone around me felt the same. I still hope everyone achieves what they wish to do in thier life, but don't really think I'll ever be out there lending a helping hand to those trying to pull me down.

That's all. Best of Luck.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

I guess, I need to stop being there for everyone. People don't really care about my time and efforts, so better they understand my value as well. Anyways, my texts won't disturb you anymore. Cherish the old memories we had cuz we ain't gonna create new ones anytime soon.

[instantcheesecakevoid]

It's quite sad how every once in a while I'm giving out advices and sorting out someone's problem whenever they reach out, but when I need something I always have to deal with it alone. God bless such friends. The reason I won't miss my school life much is because I don't actually have a memorable memory or a friend and that's what makes me feel bad. Otherwise I don't give a shit about leaving the school, infact i feel happy to be away from the fake faces that I had to see everyday. 17 years of school and I still don't have someone I can rely upon 24/7. I'm the problem, I guess.