Internally Laughing

Or eternally screaming

[internallylaughing]

Mom: I have an announcement. Titus is eating crickets again.

[internallylaughing]

Mom: Go to bed early.

Mom gives me clothes to try on.

Thirty minutes later...

Mom: Do the clothes fit?

Internallylaughing: I haven’t tried them on yet. I’m getting ready for bed.

[internallylaughing]

Mom got chocolates for Mother's Day. Dad and I didn't give them to her.

Dad: I'm going to eat your chocolates.

Mom: I was going to give you those for Father's Day.

Dad: I guess I'll just eat them early.

[internallylaughing]

Mom: You should stop eating chocolate and carbs if you want to lose weight.

Also Mom: Here. Have some chocolate. Have some cake.

[internallylaughing]

Kitchen sink faucet handle broke.

Mom: I guesss we'll need another one.

Dad: No need, I have an extra.

Mom: An extra handle?

Dad: No, an extra faucet.

[internallylaughing]

Extra pork filling from dumplings? Make wontons.

[internallylaughing]

We made 54 soup dumplings. Cause we're crazy.

[internallylaughing]

Phone rings...

Internallylaughing: Hello?

Mom: When are you coming home?

Internallylaughing: I'm on the toilet.

Internallylaughing to herself: One wall away from where you are calling me from. With the vent on making noise.

[internallylaughing]

Mom: Were you late to work this morning?

Internallylaughing: Yes.

Dad: Why didn't you get up when I woke you up?

Internallylaughing: I just couldn't get out of bed.

Mom: Why can't you get up? Why are you late to work?

Internallylaughing (to myself): If I knew, I wouldn't be late to work.

[internallylaughing]

Parents have four tubes of toothpaste in their bathroom. Mom claims to only use one. Dad apparently uses three different toothpastes.

[internallylaughing]

Telling parents I want to go to law school...

Dad: Why?

Internallylaughing: Why not?

[internallylaughing]

Dad: What's the name of the place where you have to sample?

Internallylaughing: Why?

Dad: So I can call and tell them to sample their own stormwater.

Internallylaughing: But they're paying us to do the sampling for them.

Dad: Oh.

[internallylaughing]

Dad: Why would you have to sample tonight?

Internallylaughing: Because if it rains and there's stormwater runoff, I have to take samples.

Dad: Aren't there shifts for that?

Internallylaughing: No, because we only need to do it when it rains.

Dad: You only do it when it rains?

Internallylaughing: It's like being on call.

Dad: Ohhhhh.

[internallylaughing]

Internallylaughing gets home, and Mother is freaking out about guests coming over for dinner. Internallylaughing helps prep. Mother leaves kitchen for some reason.

Dad comes home.

Dad: What are you doing?

Internallylaughing: Prepping food.

Dad: Why?

Internallylaughing: You didn't know we were having guests?

Dad: I knew, but I didn't think they were having dinner here.

Internallylaughing: Well, Mom has been freaking out for at least the past two hours.

Dad: Oh.

[internallylaughing]

Internallylaughing borrows Mom's long down jacket for Iceland.

Mom: Where's my down jacket? I need it.

Internallylaughing gets the jacket.

Internallylaughing: Where are you going?

Mom: Outside.

We live in Southern California. It was approximately 53 degrees Fahrenheit, and Mom uses a long down jacket to go outside.

[internallylaughing]

Mom: Normally, I get ready for bed in the bathroom while talking to your dad who is in the bedroom. The other day, I was talking and heard no response. I thought your dad had left. Turns out, he was still in bed, being very focused on his laptop. I thought he was focused on work, but he was actually focused on getting a rebate.

Dad: Yeah, it was difficult. I needed an account number, but with paperless billing, I needed to log in to see the bill, but I forgot my password.

[internallylaughing]

Mom: Thunder is having yams tonight so you can have one too.

Internallylaughing: Thanks, Mom.