Content in the Presence of my own Company
I’m quickly realizing that being alone is an adjustment in itself. I’m not talking about alone in the sense where you may be so physically yet are still in touch with others via text, call, or social media. I mean alone where it is simply you, your thoughts, and the, often, heavy energy in the space around you. I’ve come to accept that I’ve lost connection with a majority of those I’ve at one time called a friend. It’s not a bad thing though. It’s only natural for friendships, just relationships in general, to eventually run its course when both of you no longer serve a positive purpose for one another, allowing you to set foot upon a new stage of life. Now what is left is coming to terms with this change, learning to be content in the presence of my own company. I think this is where the demand to engage in “healthy” practices began for me. Waking up early, doing yoga and exercising, sticking to a diet, mindfulness, skin care, so on and so forth. While, yes, all good practices, I began to drown in judgement from myself when I could not follow through on what was “right”. I’m losing sight of what is actually important: Doing what is right for me at the pace that is right for me. I was so rushed and believed that the only way I could tolerate my own company and combat these feelings of loneliness was if I was the most pristine version of myself I could create...
What a harsh way to treat a body and mind that is trying to grow for the better. I can only move forward with the aim and hope to be lighter, softer, and kinder to myself.
