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@intheshadowsstill
To You in Heaven
Dear Ricky, I miss you a lot today. I’ve been crying so much since about 9 p.m.; so much that I have a water bottle at my side as I am typing this. I’m dehydrated. I was inspired to continue writing one of my “novels in progress.” One that you said you’d only read once I published it. And then I started to think about the overall message of that book – it had a lot to do with my father and lack…
Hell is Closed - PART THREE
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” Psalm 139:1-2 “Hi, my name is Lucy and I just moved into the neighborhood down the block.” I grinned while looking deep into the Salad Boy’s golden eyes. He had that puffy curly, black hair that all the mortal girls envied. It looked really fluffy – kind of like a dog’s. If…
How Do I Move On From This?
It’s happening again. I’m trying to move on from this. But I always get filled with rage. I wonder in this darkness – HOW does one move on from this? We’re supposed to just move on? Am I just supposed to forget and carry on as if nothing has happened? My dear friend and father-figure, Ricky has passed away and now I have to accept that fact and carry on with life. How do I do it? When each day I…
What is the Purpose of Grieving?
The purpose of grieving is to feel closer to someone or something that you lose…right? I think… Well, as I currently understand it, it’s crying at random moments of the day. It’s listening to music when you’re sad, mad, or bright. The purpose of grieving is to honor the loved ones that walked among us. Fuck it really hurts still, to talk about someone in the “past.” Because they aren’t here…
Am I Grieving the "Right Way"?
It’s hard to put into words…this feeling. It sometimes feels like I’m living a lie and that nothing is real. It sometimes feels like there’s a noose around my neck and a weight is pulling it, tightening it up. It sometimes just feels like a wave of frustration and a pile of bricks slamming into you at once and you just can’t seem to stop it. It’s utter confusion. And no matter how much I scream…
How Do I Grieve You?
“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'” John 11:25-26 10/28/24 3:54 p.m. Phone call with K– “Are you driving?” “Yeah I am!” “I don’t know how to tell you this. I have some really bad news.” “Oh you know I’ve seen it all, I’ve gone…
Hell is Closed - PART TWO
Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. Revelation 12:7 One of the biggest mistakes that mortals make, which condemns them quickly and effectively to my realm, is that they put the blame on God and on Satan. Of course when they say Satan, I don’t take offence; it was elder brother who despised such accusations…
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Hell Is Closed - PART ONE
None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?Job 41:10 “You are now banished!” The voice of the Almighty thundered. I gasped for air and then relief. “You’re okay Lucy, you’re okay.” I whisper to myself and rub my arms like a small child. These dreams don’t happen very often, but lately I’ve been having them. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s time I close Hell? And…
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Reading Journeys - Good Morning, Monster & Midnight in Mexico
I prefer nonfiction books. I don’t jump into fiction as fast – probably because the subgenres are endless. I thrive on learning and listening to REAL/TRUE stories of people. So biographies are super fascinating to me as well. I read “Good Morning, Monster,” about half a year ago. I read “Midnight in Mexico,” about a year ago when I was drafting ideas for characters for future stories – I was…
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Stars from the Meidaimae Stop
Stars from the Meidaimae Stop
Perfect don’t mean that it’s workingSo what can I do? (Ooh) When you’re out of sightIn my mind “Glimpse of Us,” Joji “Unforgettable.” Try as I might, your gestures and kindness keep me from forgetting you. My valentine, you were taken from me in a pain that compares to how that chunk of meat was scooped from my knee; leaving a profound wound…it’s a void that I have grown to believe will never…
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A World Only We Know - Part 2
A World Only We Know – Part 2
Photo credit: Shinjuku Guide I was riding my bike down Kissena Park when the tire popped. It was Federico who helped me fix it. He lived nearby and said that he’d get his pump and a tape or whatever. I waited there and thought to myself, “I’m lucky today!” We chatted a bit about the park and how he’d never seen me around the neighborhood before. I let my guard down and told him that I just moved…
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Watching Him Flutter: Reflecting on Seeking Approval from Society
Watching Him Flutter: Reflecting on Seeking Approval from Society
It didn’t occur to me that I would look fundamentally different in both my body movements and mannerisms when I decided to cut all of my hair. I even adopted a new set of gestures. I recently saw a post of a celebrity who did the same; she buzzed all of it off. She shared that there were plenty of people who made mean and rude comments about her new look. But instead of hurt feelings, she felt…
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A World Only We Know
A World Only We Know
“I don’t really want to right now.” I tried to speak in my loudest voice. “C’mon. It’s what you came here for right?” He huffed in my ear. I put my hands out on his chest, pushing him back harder each time. But he just kept at it and continued to breath into my ears; more words. “No one is coming here for a while.” Federico lives with his dad. His dad likes to go fishing and sometimes he…
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Dresses, Sneakers, Shoes,...
Dresses, Sneakers, Shoes,…
The shoes I wore that day were white, with a blue, knock-off, backwards Nike swoosh. The email that we all received the Friday before we all collectively lost our minds weighed heavily on me. Some laughed at the request and the obvious grammatical error coming from someone in her position. Others like myself, were left speechless. I wasn’t in a position to go against the new rule being placed on…
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Someone On My Side
Someone On My Side
Dedicado a las chicas creciendo con un escudo en la espalda. Temo al compromiso. Me da nauseas el pensamiento. Han pasado tantos años y todavia sigo peleando. …never be enough… Susurro debajo la gorra, detras de las lagrimas, escondiendo… Todavia, soy lamentable. Fea Burra Asshole Puta Nadie está de mi lado. Sola Con mi espada No encuentro mi escudo. Desearía tener un padre a…
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Like Toothpaste For Breakfast
Like Toothpaste For Breakfast
“It’s just not the same…” I whined. Once again, I’m thankful for this mask that covered my mouth and the dissatisfied look I’ve been wearing for the past week. It’s not even gone yet – the virus I mean – and all I can think about is Chofu… Chofu… Chofu… It’s probably that I’m rereading “Men Without Women” by Haruki Murakami. It’s probably that I’m experiencing my “moods” again. It’s…
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Mexican Folktales They Weren't Supposed To Tell Me: "An Empty Casket"
Mexican Folktales They Weren’t Supposed To Tell Me: “An Empty Casket”
There once was a Family that had nothing but their bodies to keep warm; not even a tin roof over their heads. The Family consisted of La Mujer (the woman), El Esposo (the husband), and La Viejita (the old lady). The townspeople often took pity on them and so they would take turns giving them a bag of tortillas or a bag of salt. The Family was too proud to give thanks to the humble townspeople who…
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