Ask The Puzz-ler

The Puzz-ler, you say? Proud founder of Thneed Co., supplier of thousands of local jobs, and creator of the widely popular Thneed? Yes, that is I. Now, tell me... Who are you, and why, exactly, are you in my office? I'm rather busy, you know.

[intotheoncelerverse]

soo, youre called the puzz-ler and youre tetris themed.. that probably means you play a lot of puzzle games right?

"I usually enjoy a challenge... Usually being the key word, here."

[intotheoncelerverse]

hey Oncie, how about we kidnap Miss Piggy, fattened her up, slaughter her, cook her into a barbecue, and trick Kermit into eating her on Valentine’s Day?

"Hello? Security? Yes, we’ve got another one. Mhm, mhm. Okay, thanks. Buh-bye." *click*

[intotheoncelerverse]

sir, you are an absolute cutie

"Do you have any idea how difficult it is to look this good while dealing with the level of nonsense that I have to every day? Lemme tell ya, it's no small feat... But then again, nothing I do is ever small. Hah! Bigger is better, as they say. It doesn't matter how many times you compliment me, though—I'm still not giving you that discount. We can't all be winners, you know. Maybe if you wanted to get a Thneed for the low, low price of $3.97, you should have been here three years ago!"

[intotheoncelerverse]

[Pulls out notepad] [totally not an inspector voice] The minimum wage for your employees, what is it? Do you cover dental? Healthcare? How many paid sick days per employee per year? How long is a full shift? Do you provide proper training to your employees before they get into the workplace? Do you cover gas money and/or public transport tickets for employees who live far away?

"No comment."

[intotheoncelerverse]

I still think about him sometimes…

[intotheoncelerverse]

Have there been any updates with the weird phone calls you mentioned? Maybe the callers are on a burn phone or something like that?

“Actually, I’m quite relieved to say that I haven’t gotten any calls in a good, long while, save for from my mother of course... Quite frankly, it would be ideal to simply not receive any calls whatsoever, but it’s better than nothing. I’ll admit, I was pretty damn close to calling back and giving whoever it was a piece of my m--”

“What part of ‘I’m busy’ don’t you people understand?!”

[xxgr33dl3rxxisbl00d]

active onceler fandom blogs 2020 a list

@xxgr33dl3rxxisbl00d (me)

@asktheoncler2020​

@huniepoplover696969

@thegreedler-butmeanler

@istheoncelerfandomstillalive

@onclur

@some-butter

@whisper-ma-phone

@onceler-baby

@skipper80z

@why-the-onceler-tho

7/14/20 EDIT:

@ask-fluff-onecest

@ask-nightmare-ler

@thebiggeringonceslut

7/15/20 EDIT:

@im-biggering

if more people join or there is someone i forgot pls rb and add said person

[intotheoncelerverse]

((Mod here! I've been doing through a lot recently, but this blog is definitely still active. 👌 Just trying to find some motivation, haha))

[hatterofthelabyrinth]

<Ask blog for the Labyrinth’s local Hatter is now open!>

[twofaced-zillionaire]

Alright, here we are. I hope you’re all doing well. I’m not familiar with this whole “blogging” thing yet, but I thought it’d be a good way to relax just a little bit after a long day of work. Seeing as I’m practically a household name (kind of a big deal), you’re bound to have some burning questions you’d like to ask. Well, this is your chance, ask away!

[intotheoncelerverse]

oh, why hello :) your very handsome :0

"If you're attempting to butter me up for a discount, though, I'm afraid I simply can't help you. That promotion ended last week; pity, but business is business, as they say.”

[intotheoncelerverse]

Hey there! Wanna be friend with a werewolf?

“Why don’t you go and play pretend somewhere else?”

[ask-nightmare-ler]

Do you think I'm lying? *trasforms into wolf form and jumps on you* What do you think now? Huh? And I'm not a kid! I'm 20!

[intotheoncelerverse]

“FOR THE LOVE OF TRUFFULA–GET OFF OF ME! SECURITY! SECURITY!! DO YOUR JOB FOR ONCE, AND REMOVE THIS… THIS MANIAC FROM MY PRESENCE AT ONCE!“

[intotheoncelerverse]

Hey there! Wanna be friend with a werewolf?

“Why don’t you go and play pretend somewhere else?”

[intotheoncelerverse]

oh wow, hello! i really like your glasses! um, simple question, but how are you today? :3

“You’d think that running a multi-million dollar company would be easy-peasy by this point, right? Wrong. Even with all of my secretaries on the job, I’m STILL dealing with paperwork--not to mention all the legal complaints I’ve been getting from those nagging tree-huggers... Ugh.”

He leans back even further in his chair, giving a sigh as he turns his gaze, looking away as if thinking for a moment.

“...Doesn’t help that I’ve also been getting a good number of strange phone calls recently. I keep blocking those damn numbers, but they come on through anyhow. Answering’s no good; I’ve checked personally, so you’ve got no right to call me stubborn. Nobody’s ever on the other end. Static. Can’t help but think it’s some angsty teen with nothing better to do trying to spook me... Even so, I’m having those good-for-nothing IT folks come and look at it again tomorrow. They keep saying nothing’s the matter--nothing’s the matter, my ass. Thing’s broke, I’m telling you--and this isn’t any place for broke things, be it people, or office phones.”

[intotheoncelerverse]

"I was informed that this meeting was urgent... Whatever you have to say, it’d better be good! After all, I had to cancel my 4:00 for this. Do you have ANY clue what my schedule is like, hmm? How frustrating, how busy? Do you have ANY idea what happens at 4:00? Well, I can tell you. My masseuse appointment, that’s what. My one saving grace besides the dailies in the newspaper. And now, I have to sit and talk to YOU instead. Go on, ask away! Might as well make some use of my time that you’re wasting...”

((It's 2020 and I've made a Once-ler ask blog. I've absolutely peaked. This is my legacy now.))