Intrinsic Self

Even dysfunction has bouyancy

[intrinsicself]

I swallow down and bury

the bits of broken soul.

The fragments I cant seem to hold onto.

The splinters before the shards,

the shards before the fragments.

And I still have hope;

That I can contain

the quakes that bring the fissures

That splits me into pieces.

I have hope I can keep it all together.

[intrinsicself]

The World Today

Conglomerate of cowardly Cash cows Corruptly ceasing Creativities’ covenant.

[intrinsicself]

the neverending story

Bleak,

Fuzzy,

Opaque,

Never grasping the concept.

Mind cyclone,

Dog chasing its tail,

Going nowhere,

Wasting energy.

Stop worrying,

Liberate the soul.

Become,

Become,

Must i stress,

Become as you are.

See.

Crystal clear,

Magnified,

Translucent,

Everything will become.

Become.

Become.

[intrinsicself]

Easier said, than done.

I let my own pain and fear demobilize and suppress my ability to be human, To move forward in steady succession rather than two steps forward, one step back, Glimpsing the future, only to retract. I wallow in the past, present, and future today. Drowning in the pain the world inflicts and past pain still lingers, Leaving me to succumb to its cunningly familiar fingers. I lay idle in that place of fear, uncertain of anything, lest myself. Instead of running head down, traipsing, lost in thought, I need to run head forward, aware, evading mental rot. Easier said than done.

[intrinsicself]

I still check in here every once in awhile,

And even though I already know you won't be here;

I'm disappointed and deflated each time you arent.

Definition of insanity?

[intrinsicself]

[intrinsicself]

Easier said, than done.

I let my own pain and fear demobilize and suppress my ability to be human, To move forward in steady succession rather than two steps forward, one step back, Glimpsing the future, only to retract. I wallow in the past, present, and future today. Drowning in the pain the world inflicts and past pain still lingers, Leaving me to succumb to its cunningly familiar fingers. I lay idle in that place of fear, uncertain of anything, lest myself. Instead of running head down, traipsing, lost in thought, I need to run head forward, aware, evading mental rot. Easier said than done.

[intrinsicself]

Loving you means letting go

And happiness you can achieve without me triumphs over the selfish desire to have you in my life

Realizing that you're better off without me in yours

That maybe life would be richer for you without poor me

You've already chosen

And no matter how much that decision hurts

I have to keep myself in check

I cant get carried away with delusions anymore

Everytime I foolishly let my sails expand with hopes of tomorrow

Gusts of reality deflate and leave me stagnantly still

[intrinsicself]

If you could just;

Keep breaking my heart

Into millions of tiny pieces

I won't miss the ones that fly away looking for you

[intrinsicself]

I am so incredibly happy for you

Living out a dream

You deserve the world and its yours

I finally laid eyes on you after so long

Illiciting a physical response

My breathing ceased

My heart rhythm increased

My hope rose into mountains

I have hope in you and in me too

One day we will stand face to face

And you will hear and feel my hearts pace

And you'll know I never stopped loving you

No matter how hard we both may have tried

You're still my hearts desire

And I still burn with the fire

That fuels me on the combustion

Of what could one day be

A love so fulfilling...

You embracing starlight

Illuminating your brilliance

On the shores of Maine

Stained with clarity

I can still see us there

Can You?

[intrinsicself]

Heavy to hold onto

How long will I keep reaching?

How long will I keep wallowing?

How long until I cant?

How long until I wont?

Doesn't stop the hurt from spilling,

Doesn't stop the longing,

Doesn't stop the searching,

For someone who doesn't want to be found.

It doesn't matter how many tears fall.

It doesn't matter how many moments I reflect on what I should have done.

It doesn't matter. 

The addiction to you isnt healthy for me,

And I realize maybe I wasn't ever healthy for you.

Bitter taste to swallow.

All I wanted was for you to be my everything

And I to be your starlight...

Pushing the shadows away.

I never meant to become a shadow myself...

[intrinsicself]

Lunar Tides

I swallowed the full moon.

Full of intention and promise.

Now I am waning.

Digesting bestowed blessings.

Contemplation of truth revealed ahead of  shadows.

Rest and ebb my darling.

Slow and meaningful.

It won't be long before waxing once more.

[intrinsicself]

Sweet Shawnee

Lethargic mist rising over mountain tops,

With the steam of my coffee cup.

Hills have seen all, been all, are all.

Whisper to me all the secrets you have seen.

I want to see them too.

Most beautiful birdsong ever in creation.

Sing to me, my loves.

Sweet chirping hello to the new sun.

Good morning vibrations.

Shawnee hills of gold.

[intrinsicself]

In sync

I miss the feeling of being lost

Scattered in another dimension of feeling

Passion and frenetic energy of friction

An absolute desperate need

Of greed and giving

Giving pieces away and taking for myself

Staking my claim in uncharted territory

A new landscape of discovery

Building blocks of connection

Creating monuments of emotional feeling

Two souls bared, merging vibrations

Rattling ribcages of heart drummings

The presence of today, creating tomorrow

Static electricity pulsing

Becoming one; together

[intrinsicself]

Up and down, down and up

Bitter

Derogatory tastebuds

Clutching life's essence

Unmaimed; momentarily satiated

Bitter doesn't end

Absence of faith ebbs and flows

Fatally detrimental to the future

Continuation of dysfunction

Even dysfunction has buoyancy

[intrinsicself]

Truth hurts and here it is

It still hurts and I still can't shake you

One more thing to cope with indefinitely.

I want to live.

I wanted to live with you

It fucking hurts and I just want to know

If you're okay and if your heart is still beating and is it happy?

Does it ever think of me?

I will never meet another person like you and you were more than the one that got away...

You are the one that shattered and obliterated my ability to feel

The one that never left to make room for another in my heart, a fucking ball and chain of pain I carry on just to remind my glutinous self of you. 

So much shit to focus on and I end up focusing on the rediculous unreciprocated emotional fuckstorm that is the current state of us

I gladly let it swallow me up again and again torturing myself with the fleeting feelings of being back there, with you. 

All the while living a delusional lie and being a passenger to my own life.

How did I get here?

[intrinsicself]

Ending Before Beginning (An ebb before the flow)

Defeated by nature

Broken out of the box

Dysfunction by design

Quiet retraction of self

Opaquely skewed of clarity

Gaping mouth of consumption

A means to an end of thought

Silent reflection of self ideals

Cease of creativity

Imminent destruction of peace

Consequential demise