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just random thoughts

[introversv]

L'ultimo post scritto inizia proprio come avrei voluto iniziare questo, sottolineando da quanto tempo non scrivo nulla.

Penso siano passato 2-3 anni dall'ultimo post, almeno. In questo intervallo di tempo ho usato un diario e poi il nulla anziché scrivere su questo sito; eppure la necessità di scrivere, in qualsiasi modo, è sempre dentro di me.

[introversv]

Its been awhile since ive posted here

Lately its been tough. I've felt more lonely than I've never felt, probably. I feel like an alien. I don't like posting anything on IG, I got it but just to scroll and hit the double tap almost randomly or sometimes sending memes to a couple of friends. But lately I've been shot with too many pictures of people enjoying life. I mean I know social media ain't the truest place but they seem so genuinely happy.

And in not happy. Somebody would probably suggest me to do something about it but I don't know where to start. I don't know how to get to know more people. The few that I know are my coworkers. I even downloaded tinder just to find someone to hang out with. I'm not even looking for someone to fuck.

People around me keep saying im a good boy and Im cute and shit but it's like thin air to me. Gonna be back home in 3 day, how it will work something out.

[mesineto]

[mesineto]

handmade collage 2012.

[qwehlo]

[icharous]

Cattedrale di San Sabino, Bari, Italy by @icharous

[altstudio]

[avtavr]

Airbrush illustration by Yoichi Hatakenaka

[introversv]

Periodo assolutamente no

[thunderstruck9]

Tom Van der Ouderaa (Dutch, b. 1944), Glacier 01, 2020. Pastel on museum board, 70 x 100 cm..

[thekimonogallery]

Off the coast of Japan: “Venus,The Crescent Moon and Rocks”.  Photography by Masahisa Uemura on Flickr

[space-pics]

A galaxy with a glowing heart by Hubble Space Telescope / ESA

[1010ll]

𝘔𝘺𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘤𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘢 cap 1 mm Taipei, Taiwan by Eric Cho

[ivory-lace-and-sunlight]

Cameo white eye peacock

[prettycolors]

[389]

I was walking around the neighborhood one day and suddenly came across this tree with a branch the formed a spiral

[cyberxbattalion]

[introversv]

Comparing my whole self to other people has always been something I hated about my self. Maybe the worst thing about me. And i only notice it when I actually start comparing me to others. I guess my unhappiness is related to it. I guess, again, i need some help.

Anyway I was just scrolling Instagram and it popped up in my mind that i wanted to be someone else. But there are times when I kinda like being me.

In the end I'm truly thankful for what I am, for what I have accomplished so far and for what I have.

But more than occasionally I feel like I ain't nothing special and own and done nothing throughout these years. Ofc it's not. Still living away from my hometown which I miss, away from my friends -or more like people i used to hang out with. Am i at ease here? Nope. I just work and work out. Barely go out, even to go shopping for food.

Although at the same time I feel like I'm actually missing living my life to the fullest but apparently I can't do anything about it, i feel stuck in my mind and it tells me just to stay at home, watching movies or animes and i can't help it.

Is it really what I want or am I just a slave to my poisoned mind. Maybe truth lies halfway.

I gotta escape from this Platone's cave of my mind, see new things or see things from a different perspective. How can I learn to do that?

I'm 25 and most of my life i been trapped, almost handcuffed in this reality. I feel unharmed. I feel powerless. I feel like passively living day after day with no true purpose. I need to swerve away from this