All Time Heroine @intrusiveideology - Tumblr Blog

I would have said something. I would have stopped it. You allowed it to happen with no thought in mind to how this makes me feel. Even when voiced, you still did nothing. Am I the fool in this story? The one who believes I have all of you when it seems I don’t? You tell me how I should feel knowing this information.

mournfulroses

Nikita Gill, from Your Heart is the Sea: Poems; "Your Heart is the Sea," originally published in 2018

perfectfeelings

“Sometimes not telling people anything is a good thing.”

— Jason Myers

So this is what it feels like to rebuild walls. I had almost forgotten the sense of disappointment that came with the action.

What. The. Fuck.

What’s so fucking wrong with me that I constantly feel like I’m in competition with another. I understand sometimes a person needs to be “won”, but I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired of trying and my efforts still feel as if they’re not enough.

If it comes down to being a choice, and you have to choose, don’t choose me. I shouldn’t have been a choice to begin with.

I’m in my head again. If you only understood the jumbled fucked up mess that it is.

I love you. It’s ruining my life.

Is there potential that I’m going to have to worry about someone else stealing you away? Will I ever feel 100% secure?

Why does the fucking past still haunt me?

There’s something I want to say to you, but I can’t.

Sometimes, I wonder if you regret being with me.