[PT: information on consent. end PT]
🎠 — proofread by ⛪ — unedited
as someone who lurks in kink communities a lot it's safe to say Ive seen a lot of kink terminology get used within radqueer communities, but never in the way kink is intented, which is safe, sane, consensual, and risk aware. radqueers seem to throw the word "consent" around willy nilly without bothering to actually understand it's meaning. and this goes for WAY more than just sexual stuff within the community. so I thought a little education would be nice, so it is what I will be covering with this post.
[pt: what is consent? end pt]
consent, as described by the oxford dictionary, is permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
consent applies to many stuff, not just sexual advances, from letting someone borrow your pen, to drinking tea, to, according to radqueers, abuse. I will be using the tea euphemism for this essay, as it has, from personal experience, helped people grasp the consent fastest.
it does not simply mean "both parties love eachother", they are not the same, they are not comparable. one can love someone but not consent to certain stuff, or may consent to stuff with those they dont particularly care for on an emotional level.
everything I will talk about here can be found here (youtube link), if you digest information more easily via sound than via text.
if you ask someone if they want tea, then they say "hell yeah, I love tea!" then great, that is active consent. they do indeed want tea.
if they respond with "Im not sure, maybe?", then you can still make that cup of tea if you really want to, but dont be mad if they dont drink it when you offer it to them. and if they dont drink it, dont MAKE them drink it, just because you made it doesnt mean you are entitled to have them drink it. that is not consent
if they respond "no, I dont want tea." then dont make them tea at all. dont be mad at them for not wanting tea, dont annoy them until they give you until they tell you "fine they want tea". that is coercion and it doesnt change their actual mind about whether they want tea or not. it is not consent.
if they say "yes, sure! thank you." but when the tea arrives they don't actually want the tea, dont make them drink it. they may have changed their mind. sure it can be annoying because you went through all that effort to make them tea, but they still have no obligation to drink the tea just because of that. they did want tea, now they dont. it's okay for people to change their minds, dont make them feel guilty of that.
if they decide while drinking that they actually dont want tea, then dont make them drink the rest of it. again, it's okay for people to change their minds, do not make them feel guilty of that.
and if they're unconscious, then don't make them tea at all. unconscious people dont want tea. and they cant answer the question "do you want tea" because theyre unconscious.
you may have asked them when they were conscious and they may have agreed, but now they're unconscious. make sure they're safe, and, this is important, dont make them drink the tea. they may have agreed then, sure, but unconscious people dont want tea.
if they were conscious when they started drinking it but then passed out, dont make them drink the rest of the tea. unconscious. people. dont. want. tea.
if they're not in the right mind, say, intoxicated, or mentally unwell, then dont offer them tea at all, even if they say they want it or deserve it. they are not in the right mind and dont know what they want or need. they need safety, and comfort, not tea. you can offer later when they feel better.
if they said yes to tea once, dont expect tea time always forever whenever you want. dont come up to them unexpectedly and make them drink tea saying "but wanted tea once!". just because they wanted tea one day doesnt mean they want it forever.
do you have a basic understanding of consent now? I hope so!
what falls under consent and what does not?
[pt: what falls under consent and what does not? end pt]
for both parties involed:
are they actively saying "yes, I want it"?
do they know to the fullest extent what they're in for? what they're agreeing to?
are they allowed to change their mind at any given time and have it be respected by the other party?
is there safety precautions? (safe words, some other signal)
are they on an equal level with no power imbalance that could put either party in jeopardy should they change their minds or say no?
if the answer is yes to all of these, great! that falls under consent. if the answer to any of these is "no" or "maybe" then that is not consensual, or safe, for that matter.
keeping that in mind, here is things that dont, or cannot, fall under consent that radqueers believe can.
bodily minor x bodily adult relationships
physical non-human animal x bodily human relationships
other dynamics with an obvious power imbalance, like student x teacher relationships, boss/manager x lower employee relationships.
abuser x abused relationships
[PT: about roleplays. end PT]
"but Carnie, what abt roleplay! roleplay exists! "
there is nothing here that doesnt apply to roleplay. roleplay is just that, role playing, playing pretend. there is a very obvious boundary between what is roleplay and what isnt.
age play, for example, can be consensual because both parties involved are still bodily adults, and there is no power dynamic besides the one made up FOR the roleplay, that ceases existing when the safe word is said or the signal is alerted, or when they've decided that is enough for that day.
