2/24/18
So obviously since im really good at coping and all of that this is going to be a light post. so. went to hang out with a a recruit with ellie and faby and bri and per usual i continue to embarrass myself and make a fool out of myself. I think my first mistake was when Ellie asked me if i was going to try and live in a certain housing section and i blurted out no because it floods and the fire alarms go off all the time right in front of the recruit... and then when she asked if they could see my room/asked if it was clean and i said yes and then it actually really that clean and i just felt embarrassed and humiliated because i felt like she was judging me and that i let her down. and then she made it seem like she didnt think that i eat healthily which actually hurt a lot because i try and be extremely conscious of what i eat and how balanced my meals are, and in fact the whole reason that i am vegan is because i really like fruits and vegetables and such and have a decent mental block to the point where it is difficult for me to eat non vegan things without making myself sick, as well as things like bread and pasta being things that i can rarely eat, and the fact that i dont consume fake meats or cheeses because they freak me out too much. It just hurts to hear that someone thinks that you eat extremely unhealthily when you have huge mental blocks and fear foods, to the point where i can’t even use butter or butter substitutes.
