◁

Morning glory, Sweet potato

[112196355]

Drawing in steel with a plasma cutter pure bliss learning to weld recently

[112196355]

Pisces constellations for my 5 placements sun moon mercury venus south node

[112196355]

[112196355]

[thunderstruck9]

Francesco Clemente (Italian, b. 1952), Compass, 1992. Pastel on paper, 19 x 26 in.

[altcomics]

[7bitter]

i keep my stupid heart WIDE OPEN at all times #myStupidHeart

[alnitaks]

pointpaint_

[jesuschristssupernova]

this coffee tastes like i can still have a beautiful life

[112196355]

What happened in ny art scene?

What do you mean by this

[112196355]

Tangent I want to post on a more public platform but I feel like if I do I seem crazy: people are honestly starting to scare tf out of me with the language being used around victimhood like THE WORST THING some have identified a human being could be or embody is victim and it feels actually like such a depressing and shame oriented mindset. I don’t think people are taking into account the impact language has. Like a lot of people who have experienced subjugation abuse and exploitation have a hard enough time being able to clearly understand or recognize that they didn’t deserve to be treated a certain way or have a certain experience- or that their having “the wrong mindset” is not to blame for bad things that might happen to them and ongoing struggles they face when severe trauma occurs in racist classist anti trans ableist capitalist culture.

While I really don’t give a f how u self flagellate in your own life i feel like seeing yourself as the every man can be a very damaging way to project on other people and I don’t quite get the inclination to preach as someone who’s figured something out about how to live that other human beings haven’t especially at a time when a lot of people’s livelihoods are at the mercy of oppressive violent racist regimes. I have no problem with anyone not identifying as a victim but there are plenty of other words you can use to express: autonomy, agency, ability, good fortune, free will, empowerment- all come to mind. I also think this is the trouble I have with the one size fits all teachings of psuedopsych / all of these content creators who’s whole entire online presence is making generalizations about how dysfunctional everyone else is and how to interpret any given behavior and I feel the same if not more aggressively opposed to western psychology/ therapy and the mental health care system in general but more on that later.

[redlipstickresurrected]

Sanya Kantarovsky aka Саня кантаровский (Russian, b. 1982, Moscow, Russia, based New York, NY, USA) - Charnal Field, Paintings: Oil on Canvas

[gatheringbones]

I love your agreeable and amenable and flexible nature and how none of your wants and needs ever get priority and how nobody even knows what they are to begin with and how you never start or engage in conflicts and never express even mildly unsavory opinions and get along with everyone from every conceivable group, that’s so trustworthy. hey quick question. do you happen to have an enormous pressurized reservoir of rage and resentment you feel like you can’t ever analyze or express because that would break the rules for the kind of person you are and if so, do you think a lifetime of squashing it down might ever backfire?

[112196355]

Developing an involuntary shrug

[112196355]

I’ve been having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of painting and wondering a lot why I do it or should lately. Not in the divacorp way (you guys are so boring). I can find many reasons to be painting in the spiritual sense or as it relates to artistic tradition and for one it can be enjoyable.

I dont know why I would paint in part because theyre not selling. And not in the sense that I only ever made them to sell or make money- I think I started painting first because I enjoyed it and second because I wanted my work to find its way into museums. That’s another convo… anyways paintings are not only expensive to produce but they are really hard to store. Since 2024 I’ve spent thousands of dollars just storing my work. And I tried to get out of producing them when I did but that’s another convo also. So continuing to paint played into my displacement and feels like a dangerous game.

The dread that this fills me with makes it hard to produce anything at times. I feel I’m dragging dead weight along and there is too much. I feel similarly bound by my past and how it impacts my behaviors without my consent and I wish I could hit the reset and forget not only consciously but subconsciously everything that’s happened. In general I feel dragged down.. I can’t destroy them… my memories or the things I’ve forgotten that still control me or my paintings.

When I think about making the impulse is to consolidate and consolidate and organize hence my inclination toward collage- constantly reducing the archive into something else and pressing it within a sketchbook feels comforting. In the same way composting seems comforting. In general I want to reduce and I feel a sense of satisfaction when I reach the end of a shampoo bottle or when I flatten the seam of a frozen dinner box and it goes away. I think the parameter for me that feels right lately is to stop accumulating things. In general. I am also cutting myself off from buying new books till I work through all the ones on my shelf. And I don’t think I should buy new materials either. I will just have to keep making things from what I have until there’s nothing left and go from there. I want to feel less confused. I want everything set out before me I guess. I want to keep emptying everything out. I feel like a minimalist employing maximalism to get to bottom of something. I feel like I’m swimming to the bottom of the ocean.

[112196355]

I don’t want it bad enough

[112196355]