grieving the loss of your partner is already hell, but do people ever talk about the sexual deprivation and how fucking horrible it is thrown into the mix? my boyfriend and I were together for 6 and a half years. oh, how we’ve grown through our sex life during the time we had. the good, bad, embarrassing, lazy, phenomenal, sad, high, makeup, mind blowing sex. being able to connect with someone mentally/emotionally and sexually is honestly indescribable, though I’ll do my best to describe it. and it’s not like all of that didn’t take work and trial and error. the sex became unwanted at times and boring, like a chore that neither of us wanted to do anymore. so many ups and downs, but that was just part of the growth. I believe sex is an extremely important part of a relationship because I like to feel as connected as I can, and the physical aspect takes it to another level. I used to tell my boyfriend I wish my body could just melt and mold over him, so I could be touching all of him at once because I wanted to be that close physically (lol). as the years passed, we really got to know each other’s bodies of course, and being able to have sex like that with someone you truly love, maaaan. I hope all y’all get to experience that shit someday if you haven’t. and I can honestly say we have had sex where I genuinely felt like, “this is the best feeling in the world. absolutely nothing tops this.” being able to feel that physical and emotional connection with someone you love, just you two only focused on pleasing each other, where literally nothing else matters. shit felt so out of body. it felt fucking amazing. and now that’s just gone.
I am so fucking deprived of that connection we had, how good it felt to be loved by you Ken. I am so deprived of physical contact, but one that makes me feel the way that only you did. it’s still so hard to wrap my head around the fact that I’ll never be able to touch you, hold you or kiss you again. I pray there is another life and that I see you again when I get there.
