One would think after days and months of trying to phrase this correctly she would have managed better than that, and yet it was the only thing that would leave her mouth. Immediately as she said it, she wanted to take it back, but as far as the possibility of being able to push the words back into her mouth, it didn’t seem like that was going to happen. “Um…” She trailed off, almost just nodding. It was, to Jo, as if God looking down at her had said, here’s another chance, dumbass, don’t do it. Too bad it was too late, and she was already opening her mouth and shutting it again, planning to clarify. “That’s not really exactly what…” She stopped once more as Audrey took her hands and it physically pained her to have that much contact, because she wasn’t getting it. “No, no, no that’s not what I mean at all.” Swallowing thickly, she held onto her hands tight and looked at her, tipping her head down to make sure she met her eyes. “Audrey I’m trying to tell you something really important, okay. And it’s not… It’s not because I’m scared that things are gonna change. I am, and I know they will, but that’s not it. That’s not what I’m saying.” She dropped her hands, pulling back. “I’m telling you that I have feelings. For you. And they aren’t platonic, they’re… Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Her voice was raising, so she cut herself off, and stopped, trying to calm herself down as she got to the end of her little speech. “I like you. A lot. Too much.” She shook her head, avoiding her eyes, and taking a few steps back.
There was a nervousness in the way that Joanna looked at her and the way her voice changed that hinted Audrey something was wrong. They had always been the kind of friends able to tell when something was off with one another -- then again, it’d be shameful if they couldn’t when they had been friends for goodness knows how long. It was at the moment of silence that spoke the most volumes for Audrey as it clicked in her mind what Joanna said. But she needed confirmation. She waited for the blonde to choke out the words, her breath being held unknowingly as the touch of the other’s fingers were withdrawn and Joanna confessed what she really meant. “..Y-You’re ... kidding.. right?” Audrey gave, though she knew full well that this was in all seriousness. This had to be the worst possible time to realize something like this. Audrey wasn’t just in a relationship. She was engaged. Jo was in her bridal party for crying out loud. A sarcastic sort of laugh now left Audrey’s lips as a hand held her forehead and she shook her head. She thought of how ridiculous this situation was -- not because Joanna had feelings for her, but rather the pair’s stupid and unlucky timing. Because truth be told, Audrey remembered all the times she had deep, unrelenting crushes on her own friend as a teenager and in her college years that were always left unrequited. And now, look where they were. “You can’t -- .. I can’t.... You can’t just tell me this all of a sudden.. I -- .. I’m engaged,”. Audrey spoke, eyes looking at the blonde but not finding the other’s gaze that was cast to the ground. “What .. what do you want me to say or do, Jo ..? I can’t .. tell you anything that you want to hear. Besides, you’re .. my friend. My very best friend. M-Maybe... it’s just the champagne talking. Look, let’s just .. forget it, yea?”.
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