[ahotknife]

YOU don’t have to be perfect to be loved. but I do

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

If only, for a little while

I didn’t have to be strong.

I could cry without worrying

About packaging all the hurt

back up into a neat little box

that I can slide into the corner

labeled “for later,” hoping

“later” never comes, knowing

it will.

Much too soon.

[probuccalfat]

it’s fucking wild because one day you’re like i guess i’m not dying tragically young and you go to the store and you buy dental floss, ingredients for soup, and a bath mat

[transfemmbeatrice]

“I don’t think that I accepted that I wasn’t gonna die young until I was 26 or 27. I really don’t think I fully…when I was 14, 15, 16, 17–I mean I knew as sure as I know that I am wearing green shoes that I was going to die before much happened. It was a certainty for me. And I had shaken off the directly suicidal urge by the time I was 21 or 22, but I still was pretty sure I was going to die pretty young, it really felt like an inevitability. It takes a long time to realize no, you’ve changed…if you shared those feelings with people at some point you go, ‘well, I guess we’re going to stick around.’ And it’s a funky thing to admit because there’s a part of your inner younger self that kind of judges you for that.”

John Darnielle fucking me up with the single most relatable thing he’s ever said

[anneapocalypse]

Regardless of what you think about generative AI in general, NaNoWriMo allowing AI-generated works is beyond stupid because that completely defeats the purpose of the challenge, which is for you, a human being, to write 50,000 words in a month. Yeah, that's hard. That's why it's a challenge. Where is the challenge when you can ask a chatbot to spit out 50,000 words of whatthefuckever for you? Even if you think that is a legitimate way to produce fiction, even if you don't care about the ethics of training on stolen works... where's the challenge? What's left of NaNo at that point?

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

These are the moments 16 year old me hoped for when she chose not to kill herself.

[seenthisepisode]

what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting

[1gmoney]

It’s crazy how real this is

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

I'm still not as old as you were then And 19-year-olds are just little kids.

[eccedentesiast-skies]

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

Draw a boundary in my head, let you push it back instead. I will never find the balance of loving you at a distance. Beat me, bruise me, cut me, kill me, as long as it makes you happy. Tell me every way I failed you like your honesty's a virtue. Oblivious to subtlety, just come right out and stab me. Nothing's ever out of bounds if it's spoken from your mouth.

But god forbid I cut the ties and risk imagining you cry.

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

You know that eventually  the memories become the Good Ol’ Days. And you forget how sad you were back then. You remember how alive you felt at that concert in that car during that drunken trip to the grocery store.  But I also want you to know that your best days aren’t all behind you.  You’re still making memories, and someday you’ll look back on this year, And want to feel like this again. 

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

My parents are selling my childhood home and tbh good riddance I don’t need a reminder of all the shit I went through as a teenager.

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

30 Day Blog Challenge- Day Two

Where you’d like to be in ten years.

In ten years, I’ll be 26. Hopefully graduated from college with a degree in English. I’m not quite sure what I want to do as a career, but I would absolutely love it if I could just stay home and write. And somehow manage to make money off that. I also hope to be married by then, maybe to my current boyfriend. I feel like that would just be so cute to marry him after we started dating so young. I don’t think I would want kids quite yet. On more of a psychological level, I hope to not struggle with my eating habits and body image by that point. I hope to have recovered from any kind of self-harm and self-hate and be an inspiration to others who are where I am now, where I have been for the past 4+ years. So all-in-all, in ten years I hope to be in a better place, in the place I’ve always imagined for myself. Maybe living in a cute little apartment in the downtown area of a smallish town. Happy. 

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

This came up on my Timehop today. Guess that means it’s time for a little life update, as it’s been exactly 10 years since I posted this. Wow I’ve had this blog forever 😅

I’m 26. Graduated from college with a degree in both Creative Writing and Business Communication. I work part time as a copywriter for a digital media/advertising company. Still trying to figure out how to make money with my fiction, but that’s okay. At least I’m still working at it.

I’m married. Not to the guy I was dating then, but is it really a realistic dream to marry your high school sweetheart? He moved away for college and it was a natural end to our relationship. I met my husband my junior year of college. And we’re expecting our first kid in less than 2 months ❤️

I think my mental health struggles will always be with me to some extent, but I’m on medication now and it’s amazing what the right treatment can do. I think I’ve had the opportunity to help out a lot of people who have struggled like me, and I’m proud I’ve used my experiences in that way.

I never post on this blog anymore, but this felt like a unique opportunity to see how my life progressed based on goals of 16-year-old me.

[allamericansbitch]

And I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at nineteen And the God’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

Almost a week late on this but I’ve been doing it for like 7 years so can I stop now? 

I was going to write a bunch here about how shit 2021 was, but good vibes only in 2022 so ✨

[januaryhoney]

when mary oliver said “so this is the world. i’m not in it. it is beautiful” and “i wanted to know, whoever i was, i was alive for a little while” and “mostly, i want to be kind” and “i want to say all my life i was a bride married to amazement” and “you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves” and “someday we’ll live in the sky” and “i want to love this world as thought it’s the last chance I’m ever going to get to be alive” and “have you too finally figured out what beauty is for? and have you changed your life?”

[ionlyusethisaccountwhenimsad]

I know the 7 years thing is a cliche at this point but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it constantly