In Other Words: Skewed Takes on Internet Headlines

My head is never where I want it to be.

[iowheadlines]

Former President George W. Bush praises President Obama on counterterrorism and immigration reform

President Obama to Michelle, after seeing this article: "Shit!  I must be doing something wrong.  I need to change my policies now."

[iowheadlines]

Spoiler: It's gonna be called "The Quran"

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/mark-burnetts-bible-sequel-gets-nbc-greenlight-162720448.html

[iowheadlines]

He's with his girlfriend, Carmen San Diego & his best friend, Waldo (who sometimes goes under the alias "Wally").

Also: He's probably not in those nesting dolls. Just sayin'.

[iowheadlines]

...and John Kerry seems to think that he can capture Snowden by using Carol Burnett's secret signal, indicating deep, familial love.

Hrm. Is there something else we don't know?

[iowheadlines]

1) It means the chickens won't have to hide files in their cakes.

2) Free... Chicken Mandela

3) If Mandela got to walk out of prison, why not chickens?

4) I want my eggs free range, not locked up in a cage. Caged eggs spend all day doing push ups just to toughen up their shells, makes em harder to crack.

5) What the Senate didn't say is that the immigration bill refers to the standard length of chicken beaks (or "Bills") in foreign poultry coming into the US, cage free means they can have longer peckers.

...I'm done

[iowheadlines]

I'm not sure why the NSA didn't realize the Edward Snowden was one of the Google Glass Beta testers.

[iowheadlines]

Where should he go?  He could go anywhere because, apparently, if Snowden really wanted to hide, he could just say he was an illegal immigrant & Congress wouldn't let him back in.

[iowheadlines]

DOMA repealed, Prop 8 on the ropes. Only one thing left for Thomas & Scalia to do

[iowheadlines]

Aww, Obama sad sad cause Fox News poll.

Here's a better pic. kkthxbai

[iowheadlines]

If we aren't alone, I hope they know to hide from us: on this one news page,  we're proving that we can't get equal rights, women's health, government transparency, or international relations (eg, "terrorists") right as a species.

HELLO 3 NEW PLANETS: RUN AWAY. RUN AWAY NOW!

[iowheadlines]

Looks like he's promising a redder future to me. Or maybe a bluer one.

[iowheadlines]

Of course Obama cares about Africa.  I mean, look at how he's letting the lonely continent lean on his shoulder. Awwww...

[iowheadlines]

Not sure being trapped on a runaway iceberg is a retirement dream.

Unless you remember the whiskey...

http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/26/us/canada-tourists-stranded/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

[iowheadlines]

It's times like these that makes me appreciate the fact that neither I nor any of my female relatives reside in the idiot state of Texas any longer.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/26/politics/texas-abortion-bill/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

[iowheadlines]

3 questions for Clarence Thomas ala Paula Deen

[iowheadlines]

Denial?

Shock?

Hungry?

The state where a little girl is eating a rolled up 8.5x11 piece of paper?

Gas? (wait, no, most kids are 99% this & they seem to relish passing it)

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/mississippi-no-longer-worst-state-kid-200921073.html

[iowheadlines]

Wait... that doesn't look like very many folks.  Do they each get to ride on a $2 Billion bus?  That'd be cool.