Status update
Hi! Hey! Hello! IPaintMyselfBlue here.
This is me leaving a message to anyone out there wondering where I am, and whether I will or will not be updating any of my ongoing todae-stories. It’s been brought to my attention that there are people asking about me, and gosh wow, it makes me feel loved, in an odd way. I guess I never expected that to happen.
I’m just going to go for a brief explanation of things here, and I’m not exactly going to sugarcoat it because let’s face it, that’s not what I do.
I love y’all for having read my stories so far. I love y’all for having commented and having patiently awaited my updates. Lord knows you guys are the most patient peeps ever. I don’t think that if I had been in your shoes, I’d have waited for me. I’d have said ‘fuck it’ after less than a month, for sure.
Truth be told, as much as I want to say I absolutely, hands-down, loved being actively busy in the K-pop fandom, specifically todae, I can’t really do that? Not after having spent all this time in my current fandom. You guys are awesome, please don’t get me wrong. It’s just that in an inexplicable way I often felt like an outsider.
Sure, I put out content, and sure, some of you took the time to comment on my stories. But very rarely did I actually have the opportunity to strike up a conversation with anyone, and in hindsight, that’s pretty sad. I’m very well aware that for a lot of that, I have only but myself to blame. During that period in which I was writing todae-stories, I was most definitely not in a good headspace, which naturally shut me off from properly connecting to anyone out there willing.
By now, it’s very hard for me to not associate todae with my Dark Days. It’s not fair, I know that, but it’s the way my brain works.
I’ve said this to some peeps already, but despite aforementioned reason, I still cannot say for a full 100% that I’ll never return to picking back up my todae-stories, but I also cannot assure you guys that I’ll ever actually come back.
I’m actually feeling pretty great at the moment. I made a bunch of online friends and God, I freaking love the fandom.
Which, again, does not mean I never loved being in the todae/bigbang-fandom. I still listen to K-pop and I do still follow plenty of groups. I just no longer post any content anymore. Maybe one day, who knows, just not at the moment, and not for a while.
Other than online life, I finally picked back up my real life. It took me way too long to recover both physically and mentally, but now, well. I’m dating, and I’m almost graduating again. It’s pretty exciting, and I can’t wait to see what the rest of my life has in store. Which is a feeling I haven’t had in years.
I hope y’all are doing well, and I wish you guys all the best.
So that’s it for now,
IPaintMyselfBlue, out.
