*poot*

[ipootpoetry]

Optimism... or the art of utter and complete loneliness

Step one:

You approach your daughter, your brother, your best friend. You tell them something you perceive... something very personal, something very "positive", something you thought about for over a year, something you ruminated about... meditated upon, analyzed every nuance, every crevice, every aspect, and consequence. You convinced yourself of this reality and felt confident of your conclusions. You felt elated, enthralled, excited like you've never felt before. Everything will be alright, everything is as it should be. There is nothing that can go wrong because everything is on the right track. You share this... with complete and utter sincerity... with your daughter, your brother, your best friend.

Step two:

Your daughter, your brother, your best friend... pretty much the entire world --as far as you are concerned--  say:

"I see what you're saying. I see what you mean... but..I would rather die than see your future come to pass.”

“I hope to god... that you are wrong” “You're probably right but I'm glad that I'll be dead before that reality comes to pass” “If you're right, then I fucking hate this world, I fucking hate myself, I fucking hate you.”

Step three:

Plead, implore, beseech, your loved ones to see your perspective... try to placate them and try to reassure them and try to argue the goodness of the future...

 but fail... utterly... completely... There is no hope. There is no reasoning... There is no way to share your love of the future... your love of humanity... your love of reality. The only way you can share a happiness is to lie. You tell a lie so your beliefs align, so that your daughter, your brother, your best friend, can smile for a moment. 

And you try to smirk... knowingly... that everything will be okay, despite their existential despair... but you feel it... you have never been so alone... you have never felt so out of place. You wish you were born some other time... in the future. Because right now, You feel... completely... and utterly... alone.

[ipootpoetry]

The truth is...

I want to own you...

If I can’t have that, it would be nice if you didn’t exist at all?

[ipootpoetry]

Heros

If you’re the superhero

I’m okay being the sidekick

And you better fucking appreciate that sentiment coming from a fucking narcissist like myself. 

[ipootpoetry]

The Talk pt. 2

Rick: I had enough of your shit, Jen. Your shit is fucked. Jen: What are you talking about? What shit? Rick: I had a close, long look at your shit, and your shit is fucked -- thats all. It’s fucked, your shit is. Jen: You’re no good at this, are you sure you don’t just wanna do the revenge porn thing? Rick: Okay, I’ll try. I just sent that picture of me putting that mouse --the very unhappy mouse-- into your butt.... I sent it to your mom.  Jen: You’re terrible at this.  Rick: Well, fine Jen! Why don’t YOU break up with ME then? hmm? You wanna give it a try? This isn’t easy, you know! Jesus, everyone’s a fuckin critic. Jen: No no, I’m sorry, you’re right. Please go on. I think we’ll get there if we try a little more. Maybe talk about how you only pretended to like the sex.

[ipootpoetry]

The Talk pt.1

Jen: "Hey, I think we should talk"

Rick: "What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking cunt. The only time I want to hear shit from your goddamn whore mouth is when you're on your fucking knees, bleeding, and begging me for...."

Jen: "No, Rick, I think we should break up... I'm sorry"

Rick: "Oh, Jen... are you serious? Why all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong?"

Jen: "It's nothing you did wrong, I think we are just growing apart"

Rick: "...."

Jen: "Rick? Are you okay?"

Rick: "yeah, I just.. I thought you and I had a really good thing going... and this was so sudden... I really loved you...  I'm just really sad..."

[ipootpoetry]

[ipootpoetry]

The Ticketing

The police officer approaches the driver's side window. "Sir, do you realize how fast you...", he halts mid-sentence, arrested by the sight of my novelty t-shirt, upon which, a block of silk-screened text declares, "I <heart> compliance with figures of authority to the utmost degree of dutiful deference that is, of me, expected". Physiognomically stoic and neutral, the officer leans in --slowly-- and we share a long -- sensual -- open-mouth kiss.

[ipootpoetry]

Canadian Autocomplete Curiosities

[ipootpoetry]

Just for archiving. 

[ipootpoetry]

Haiku (not strict to syllables): Scallops on a tipped wine glass

The pair, like a little scrotum… Seeking a cooler situation, Perches on some clean glassware.

[ipootpoetry]

I'll get to it eventually...

Everyone gets cancer… Just procrastinate that shit…

[ipootpoetry]

Remember Mike the headless chicken?

His astounding survival was attributed to an interesting quirk of chicken physiology: chickens have a tilted cerebellum that -- courtesy of reptilian lineage -- extends a short distance along the spine. The fore-brain can be severed, but the basic circuitry critical to survival, to regulating heart-rate, for breathing and motor function, may remain relatively intact and operational. Mike was fortunate in this respect. ... However... Mike has lost the ability to love.

[ipootpoetry]

Vegetarians sing together potato is now and forever

Brocolli in the shape of a sausage Soy in the shape of a shrimp Rice in the shape of a duck Almonds in the shape of a child? Almonds in the shape of a child! a flavour surprisingly mild Soy in the shape of a pig Peach in the shape of an ear Potato is in... my pocket Potato is in my pocket Where is potato? Potato is in my pocket! Vegetarian sing together potato is now and forever Buckwheat in the shape of a quail Quinoa in the shape of a frog Egg mcmuffin... In the shape of compromise? Yoga in the shape of penance? ah fuck it Potato is in my pocket! Almonds in the shape of a child a flavour surprisingly mild potato is in my pocket Vegetarians sing together potato is now and forever

[ipootpoetry]

What is it that you look for in a girl?

A big shit-eating grin

[ipootpoetry]

Deny it pets “...I’m a very busy man”

[ipootpoetry]

I will now... Forever think twice... before lifting a cat’s middle.

[ipootpoetry]

I remember a long time ago... you held my hand and it made my little heart beat really fast... Now holding your hand feels different. I know those same hands have held many things -- opened a lot of doors, moved a lot of objects from one place to another... I guess what I'm trying to say is... you're a big ole' slut.