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Uh, hi. Have a raccoon?
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@ippenx
Temporary test post until I put something important here
Uh, hi. Have a raccoon?
hiii i loved your transfem tsuzuru fic so much!! I was wondering how did you choose her name? It sounds so beautiful!!!
Hi! Thank you ♥ I'm glad you liked the fic!
I was struggling to pick a name, so I asked one of my tsuzumizu moots for advice! She got the idea to look at different verbs since Tsuzuru is also a verb (to write), and among the suggestions she sent me, Kawaru felt the most fitting! Coincidentally, it also means to change/switch, so it also thematically worked with the story about changing identities and feelings through different parts of life.
goofy boss beloved
periodically dusting off my tumblr to yap about my fics again, hello
... and will I add links to the pictures correctly this time? Let's see!
I posted about the My New Boss Is Goofy fics before, but it feels insane that it's been almost 2 years since I finished the first one of Shirosaki and Momose:
They were genuinely so fluffy and relaxing to write, the fic had literally the same effect on me as watching the anime lol. And now I have both volumes of the English manga too~ how far we've come ...
Meanwhile the Aoyama and Kinjou fic was hell :) They were always my favorite ship, forever cursed with secondary ship syndrome I guess. But I took this fic on as a challenge to try new things, new character types and relationship dynamics, and while it was very challenging along the way, it was also very fulfilling and fun!
I initially added some OC friends as a necessity due to Kinjou's bustling social life (damn extrovert, I could never) - but I love writing about friends and so oops, now I have a bunch of OCs with a decade of scattered lore that I love way too much and have nowhere to put.
So I put them in their own prequel fic ... which is probably gonna be like three or four separate fics by the end of it, but oh well. I'm 33 chapters into the first part and it's again been so extremely wonderful to write.
I don't often get to write characters so young growing up together, and it's a lovely journey - even if parts of it will be very painful for my blorbos along the way.
Shin never felt like he had a choice. Kai always felt like he had too many. They went looking for the middle ground together, and found other things along the way.
If you like 'soft anxious mess' X 'protective idiot' slowburn, I have 60k words worth of food, and adding more weekly ♥
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
thanks for responding, sorry it took a while to get back to you.
i do understand your thought process more from your response. i just feel like in terms of execution, things fell a little flat and ended up reading differently from intended. there are some things i still don't agree with (i don't think outing someone is ever okay), but we can agree to disagree on that since, as you said, the trans experience is not monolithic.
i did say that the individual pieces are not in themselves the problem, but i appreciate your effort in explaining them anyway. i have nothing to add and probably won't message again, just wanted to let you know that i did read your response.
No worries, you're welcome! Interpretations are also subjective at the end of the day, evidently it happens that different people come away with very different experiences of the same work.
Also to elaborate in case it wasn't clear in my other reply, I don't think outing someone is ever okay either. If Kumon had a "pause and break the 4th wall" button in that scene, the answer is obviously that he shouldn't talk about Junna's identity if he doesn't explicitly know that he can. But he doesn't have that that option, and his decision making process between a rock and a hard place is thus informed by other factors, which are also weighted differently than they probably should be. For example, he would place extra weight on not keeping Junna in a box she doesn't want to be in because he's still processing and trying to make up for his own initial reaction of doing just that. Because of that flawed process, he ends up seeing that option as much worse than it really is - because Junna wouldn't see it as a problem if he had just kept going along with the assumptions that he has a brother. But at that point in the story, she's also already deep into seeing being out and coming out as two different concepts, and so even if Kumon made an objectively wrong choice, she didn't mind that specific outcome.
Anyway, happy I could answer your questions! I guess that's the cool part of fandoms after all. Have a good weekend :)
hey man, i'm not saying it just because it includes transphobia in the fic. it's how the issues get resolved and how the supposed allies treat junna that's kind of questionable.
banri flipping over their entire established relationship dynamic because junna is trans as if the fact that her world feels like it's changing isn't a reason to try and remain normal and familiar.
kumon outs junna and somehow this is fine and not something life shattering? also, banri making out with her to help her panic attack is a little crazy.
junna wanting to come out to mankai and mentioning that she wants to stop "lying" to them, as if 1) it's a conscious choice and 2) she's a completely different person after her egg is cracked.
junna quitting acting and becoming a model (stereotypically very feminine profession).
not to mention the play, which seems to imply that "since you're a woman, you're not welcome here. please go be happy somewhere separate from us." and this is somehow the happy part?
among other things...
these in and of themselves aren't necessarily bad. well, maybe that last one. but each of these has it's own merits that could be a great fic. but putting all these together in a fic that you've clearly spent a lot of time on makes it feel like you've done only surface level research on this and ends up making the characters feel ooc.
ultimately i don't want to police your writing because i know it's literally fanfiction. i just wanted to share because i, and several other trans friends, feel like it's in somewhat poor taste, and this, to me, feels a step up from just leaving flames because of "poor writing", as it involves possible biased beliefs. but if you would prefer not to accept this comment, then it's fine. i don't think you're a bad person. i just wanted to say something.
Thank you for elaborating! This would have been useful in the initial message, since it's something I can respond to :)
"banri flipping over their entire established relationship dynamic because junna is trans as if the fact that her world feels like it's changing isn't a reason to try and remain normal and familiar."
He doesn't flip over their dynamic "because Junna is trans". The changes that happen are his response to learning that someone close to him is deeply struggling, afraid and alone - and his reactions, especially when drastic, are largely because he did not previously perceive Juza through that kinda vulnerable lens, and also because he feels guilty and responsible for the way in which he found out. Just like Junna doesn't have all the answers for what is going on and what she wants, he doesn't have all the answers for how to be an ally either. It is something they work through together.
"kumon outs junna and somehow this is fine and not something life shattering?"
I assume this is about chapter 73? His reasoning behind saying what he said is addressed in that same scene that's about him facing the question between sharing that information, or upholding a lie that Junna had explicitly said she doesn't want to live anymore. He makes that choice out of what he perceives as respect for her true authentic self and her feelings about pretending to be a guy when she's not one.
With a cast as big as A3!, not all conversations and inter-character developments can be covered within a workable word count for me, so some of it needs to be inferred based on other context. When Kumon is considering that this is all about timing at this point, the takeaway for the reader can be that these thoughts are informed by the developments in Junna's coming out plans which he as her brother might in some aspects be even more privy to than the reader. She is actively planning to come out to the public at that point in time, and when Kumon tells her about the interaction, she is hesitant at first, but what's at the forefront of it for her is the thought that other people are now discussing her as a woman. It is not something life shattering for her because at that point in time, it was something she herself was already actively pursuing and felt safe and supported about.
"also, banri making out with her to help her panic attack is a little crazy."
Is this about chapter 57 and onwards? Or their first kiss in chapter 40? Neither of those scenes (or any other that I can recall at the moment) is intended as a panic attack, just heightened emotions and anxiety about the unknown. Many aspects of their relationship are 'a little crazy' - that's kinda the point, as they both don't know what they're doing in different ways, and both have unorthodox approaches to solving problems and processing their own emotions. Plus they're very physical with their communication in general, whether that's fist fighting or stage fighting, or making out in the case of this fic.
"junna wanting to come out to mankai and mentioning that she wants to stop "lying" to them, as if 1) it's a conscious choice and 2) she's a completely different person after her egg is cracked."
The concept of 'lying' in relation to being in the closet is explored and developed at several points in her journey - initially in the context of something she should be sharing but isn't (as in, she considers if her identity is something others are entitled to know), but later in the context of hiding and limiting her true self, which is how she comes to view her situation. She wants to come out and stop lying not in the sense of stopping something she shouldn't be doing, but in the sense of stopping something she doesn't want to be doing. The outward concept of lying is more so just a metaphor for her internal concept of lying to herself at that point.
She does see hiding her identity as a conscious choice, and how the reasons behind that and feelings about it change is also discussed a lot.
As for being a completely different person - she knows she is not, as is probably most evident in her early conversations with Banri and Kumon. But that conceptualization of seeing herself (or parts/aspects of herself) as completely different is one of her processing mechanisms, a way to make getting to know her true self without the interference from her old self easier, and then she can 'add back' the old parts that still feel true.
"junna quitting acting and becoming a model (stereotypically very feminine profession)."
She does not quit acting. This is not specified directly before the epilogue, but what I imagined for the current Mankai cast in this story was something akin to mass stage production graduations, where all the actors leave together. Or they could have left to other jobs and theaters gradually over time, it doesn't really matter. Even in the current A3! universe, many characters hold a job outside of Mankai - Junna's modelling work after the events of the fic is something like that. And even after Mankai, I see her still working as an actress too. Perhaps at some points in her career, modelling takes precedence over acting and vice versa - these things ebb and flow. The epilogue focuses on her career as a model because it's supposed to be a call back to where the story started (and a contrast in how much has changed on the same topic since), and because modelling was her specific catalyst for finding herself.
But even aside from that, I don't use modelling in the fic as a feminine stereotype, I use the fact that it is a feminine stereotype as a counter and jumping off point for Junna's exploration of her own identity: as in, the masculine standards placed on Juza were so suffocating that even as an actor in a theater that has put many guys in dresses before, he didn't have that experience until a modelling gig came along. Junna doesn't fall in love with modelling because it's a way to validate her femininity, she falls in love with it because it's where she can explore her femininity first, and she will always cherish that space for what it provided her. But she loves acting too, and in a way, the play in the end is really just her bringing back lessons she has learned about herself in modelling to the place where she learned that she's allowed to explore and express herself at all in the first place - which is acting.
"not to mention the play, which seems to imply that "since you're a woman, you're not welcome here. please go be happy somewhere separate from us." and this is somehow the happy part?"
Junna's coming out play depicts an orderly world that's deeply entrenched in its ways, which are supposed to be perfect for everyone, but evidently, they are not. “But you said … I could be anything?” is the parallel for the moment of betrayal/hurt/disappointment that many people outside of the norm experience in real life when their needs, experiences, identities, etc. are not accommodated, accepted, understood and accounted for in a world that brands itself as being perfect and fine just the way it is.
"You do not fit our preconceived notion of what we will accommodate, you should be happy but not like that" is exactly the message! And the intended take away between the lines is that this heaven in the play is a false paradise: only good in so far as you fit into the right box - so it's not good at all, it's shit. And the angel whose job it is to 'help' the paradoxes by removing them is, at least on some level, aware of that too, hence the “Well, they did say you could be anything. Seems like a mess up on their part, if you ask me" line.
The system is broken - that's not the happy part. The happy part is that Junna had the courage and the ability to find herself and build a place to live as herself despite of that. The flawed heaven in that play is a parallel to the greater systemic issues in society that she can not directly change yet. But the play ends with her stepping toward a part of the world that she can change, and fully intends to.
"putting all these together in a fic that you've clearly spent a lot of time on makes it feel like you've done only surface level research on this and ends up making the characters feel ooc"
I think the characters feeling ooc is an inevitable outcome or at least risk when putting characters in situations that are radically different than canon. Juza isn't a trans woman in canon A3, Banri isn't the first person accidentally learning she's a trans woman. the rest of Mankai doesn't have a trans actress in their midst, etc. This story is about experiences that have not happened in canon, but which are so monumental that they inevitably drastically alter the character's thoughts, actions and behavior. Yes, the result will be them feeling ooc because they're literally not the characters I have started with by the end of the story - it's a diverging path from their canon selves. In many of my stories, I like to take aspects of these characters at their core, and then go see how that would play out and who they would become somewhere completely different.
"i just wanted to share because i, and several other trans friends, feel like it's in somewhat poor taste, and this, to me, feels a step up from just leaving flames because of "poor writing", as it involves possible biased beliefs."
I would like to address 2 things to maybe re-conceptualize how you view this story, and how its aspects make you and your friends feel.
First, this is a fictional work where the main centerpiece are human emotions. It is not a research paper, or a non-fiction article, or an advice book, or a news blog, or a manual, etc. It is messy, it is troubled it is flawed - because people are that way. If a character has a thought, if they do something, if they act in a certain way, ... that doesn't automatically mean that any of it is good, or helpful, or the right thing to do in their world, or even out here in the real world. The characters may strive for it to be that way, sure, but not always, and sometimes even when they do, it's not the result they get.
This work is not supposed to be an amalgamation of the best ways to reevaluate your own identity, be an ally, come out, find your gender expression, etc. It is just a snapshot of how all of that can play out for some people - some of it good, some of it bad.
And second, in the same vein, it's also not supposed to be a representative story of all trans people - it literally can't be. If there are thoughts that Junna has about her identity that another trans person never would, if she approaches things in ways that another trans person never would, if the support she wants looks different than what other trans people would want, etc. - that's all okay. That's how it should be. Everyone's experience is valid and should be their own.
This story was not supposed to be an experience every trans person relates to, agrees with, understands or wants for themselves. It was just supposed to be Junna's experience, and at the end of the day, even she is a fictional character that doesn't really exist: just a personification of the many different pieces of the trans people in my life, and my own experiences with queerness and gender expression.
I am sorry that specific story hasn't resonated with you and your friends. I hope you can find a story that does somewhere else ♥
hey i read your trans juza fic and i feel like there's some unconscious transphobic ideas you should probably re-examine
Hello! Could you be more specific with what this is referrring to?
The rules were simple.
Each human had their own guardian angel until someone fell in love with them.
But Adachi was soon turning 30 with no dating prospects, and three angels who already got sick of him.
And Kurosawa was not looking forward to his new assignment with someone who was probably utterly unbearable.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Kurosawa fanart for @ippenx 's fic!!!!! its super super awesome!!!! yalls should read it!!!!!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Thank you so much, it's so cute!!!!! The wings are so swooshy, I love it :)
these nerds and their role swap
This is me crossing a task off the "be more active on tumblr" list BUT ALSO a desperate cry to find other dotennen fans. You have to be somewhere ... right ... right? Anyway, I offer my ShiroMomo fic.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I made one cherry magic post and people appeared?? *startled raccoon noises* uh, hi. thanks for reading the guardian angel fic
I kinda promised myself I'd start using tumblr more but still have no idea what I'm doing. Just gonna put this ongoing kurodachi guardian angel au fic here and ... idk, hide under my cherry magic manga shelf again? Bye ~
https://archiveofourown.org/works/54742387
The latest chapter of your cherry magic au is so sweet!! They make me so happy omgg 💌
Thank you so much ♥ They're such a great ship to write!
I really really love your guardian angel cherry magic au! Thank you for writing it!
Thank you so much! I'm having lots of fun writing it and everyone's comments are so nice, they really mean a lot to me!
Yeah, your favorite game may be good, but does it have Zabi????? That’s what I thought. You can’t beat this.
I figured I could try putting this on Tumblr as well now that it's finished!
The fem!Juza/Banri fic I've been working on for like half a year got its final chapter this weekend, so anyone looking for the standard juban pining and shenanigans in a brand new setting with an overarching gender identity crisis is welcome to have a look :)
I have several wonderful transgender people in my life, and as with everything else, I am happy to absorb what they share with me and pour it into the stories I write, so that others can also feel the same joy and inspiration I get from being a part of my friends' beautiful lives. I've had this idea for such a long time, and I'm glad it's finally out there.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works