𝐈 𝐍 𝐂 𝐀 𝐍 𝐃 𝐄 𝐒 𝐂 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓 .

𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. ───────── 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗡𝗔 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝙖𝙣𝙖 .

[iratuscst]

you're  the  flame  of  bridges  burned  ,  the  white  of  milk  that's  spilled but what  did  they  expect ? the  bottle  was broken  all  along  ,  cracks  shattering was  imminent  and  they  pushed  you anyway .  you're regret ,  you're damage  ;  yet  your  bones  are loyalty and  your  skin  fire ,  your  voice  a harbour  in  a  stormy  sea and  your  smile  home  .  you're resilience  ,  you're  making  the  most  of  broken  pieces  of  a  lifetime  you  hadn’t  planned  for  ,  but  realising  that  you  knew  not  the  truth  when  you  jumped  to  conclusions  .  you're  what  happens  when  you  light  a  fuse  and  let  it  burn  ,  knowing  an  explosion  will  follow  .  they  should  have  known  you  wouldn't  be  put  out  —  even  as  relief  feels  more  like  unconsciousness  and  two  glasses  of  wine  .  the  bounce  in  your  step  holds  steady  through  the  storm  ,  as  your  willow  tree  heart  shivers  in  the  cold  .

mason  ,  johanna  .  

(    victor  ,  district seven  ,  eighteen  )

BIOGRAPHY    /    PINTEREST    /    PLAYLIST

[iratuscst]

❪   🍂   ❫    —   OPEN STARTER  ﹕ @pyrrhicstarters  ．

johanna mason hated the capitol — she hated the parties , the excess , the plasticity of it all . she hated the glorification of the games and the sheer lack of common sense most people seemed to have — she felt the effects of last year so clearly on her skin , she wondered how she could even stand half the time . but mentoring ? oh , she might just hate that more than anything else and that was saying something . she knew these people — she knew their families , where they lived , for fuck's sake she worked with baxter a year ago when she'd been a different person altogether and he'd been a scrawny fourteen year old annoying the shit out of everyone . now , she'd been stuck in a room urging him to pick up the fucking axe and do something because he definitely wasn't acting like he wanted to go home . she hadn't meant to yell , and she imagined he hadn't either , but they both had . that'd been how she ended up sitting outside the private training room , axe held firmly for no other reason than the familiar weight grounding her , urging some sense of calm to wash over her now that she'd yelled the boy all the way up to the elevator and grumbled her way back here . " fuck me . " the silence was welcoming , and so she let her head fall , her failure heavy on her shoulders and the urge to tear this place to shreds barely contained .

[phoebezhao]

Location: Opening Party

@iratuscst

Johanna was someone she had come to know through Finnick. Well, that and her time as she shifted from tribute to victor. This year she had been a mentor, but not officially – that didn’t mean she wasn’t doing her best to put on a good face for district four. That was the least she could do, pretend to be a pretty pawn in their dangerous game. Offering the woman over a glass of champagne, one that she had swiped off of a tray before making her way over to the brunette – she figured the offer might at least help ease any nerves or feelings parties like these brought. “I lost Mags. I think she ditched me for the dessert table.” It was an attempt at an explanation, but really – Siren didn’t want to be left standing alone, and Johanna had been the first familiar face she spotted in the crowd.

[iratuscst]

" can't blame her , i've considered drowning myself in the chocolate fountain a couple times . " for as . . . prickly as she felt towards people in this place , there was no reason for her not to take the glass of champagne siren offered and at least enjoy the alcohol , slight amusement at her half joke — the intrusive thought of taking a bath in the damn thing and have the party shut down due to a mentally unstable victor had popped into her head once or twice , and the only thing that had held her back had been the photographers . she wasn't in the mood for her chocolate covered , screaming image to be broadcast to all of panem . " is this about as interesting as these things get ? any improvements i can look forward to ? " she was sure she already knew the answer , but she still shot the other woman a look , allowing herself a moment to relax .

[svgarcvbes]

finnick truly hadn't gone out of his way to find her — this time, anyways. given the lecture mags had given him before she'd let him out of her sight, he fully intended to wait until the older victor had decided to turn in for the night before he sought johanna out. hell, maybe he'd even decide to leave her alone and let her come around in her own time. of course all of that went out the window the moment she'd run smack into him, champagne splashing on the floor from the mostly-untouched glass he's yet to simply leave somewhere. it's instinct when he reaches out and catches her arm to steady her, though just as quickly as he'd touched her he had pulled his hand away, instead offering something of an amused grin. "oh, she's around. she's busy this time of year, especially when she's not officially mentoring the tributes. someone has to make sure we all play nice with each other and our hosts." he took a moment to consider, and there's an almost imperceivable tilt of his head as he debates on just letting her run off the way he'd be willing to bet she wants to — unfortunately for johanna, it would go against his nature to pass up such a beautifully lucky chance at working his way past the walls she seems to hide behind. "you hung up on me."

[iratuscst]

" i thought her job was to keep you on a leash . " he irked her — in general , johanna had never been a particularly bubbly person even if she'd considered herself relatively out going , and the in - your - faceness of finnick odair was jarring . then there was the weird fixation he seemed to have on making her talk to him , which she definitely didn't understand , and johanna mason hated everything she couldn't understand — a part of her knew that she was being hostile for no reason , truly he'd been nothing but nice , but damn it , he had given her a shadow of a reason to snap and she ran in search of those lately . the brunette at least had the decency to brush some champagne off his sleeve before she brushed it off her skirt , eyes rolling so far back into her head she half expected them to stay back there . " yeah . you called me . on the phone that i've never used , and that i didn't give you a number to . " having to look up at him doesn't help her mood , but she managed to look defiant as she did so , shrugging and pretending she's not hoping to pick a fight — half of her wants to go back to the tribute center and sleep for a year , the other is urging for some way to clear her mind . arguments always did that , so maybe she'd get lucky tonight . " look , i don't get what your problem is or what you want from me , but maybe we stop . "

[iratuscst]

FWD ﹕ ENOBARIA .

" yeah , how could you tell ? " humour hadn't been johanna's forte in a while and the shit joke didn't help in the way she'd hoped , but she supposed it was better than no attempt at all — a part of her wondered if this was a rite of passage , if come next year she'd find whatever poor unlucky bastard that made it out of the arena hiding behind an ugly ice sculpture and decide to provide company . maybe , maybe not — but blight had told her to get comfortable with the rest of them so she supposed that it was better than being pathetic on her own . " thanks , i appreciate it . " the bubbles on her tongue actually did help , gave her something to focus on as she sipped from the flute enobaria had passed her , humming for a moment before a choked laugh tumbled from her mouth . she had been , hadn't she ? to the people watching on big screens , she'd looked like a deranged thing swinging axes with a passion . she hated it . " i've heard it a couple times . it was them or me , i just did what i had to do to get out . "

[capitolrogue]

Kyan was no stranger to the glamor and the drama of the Capitol. The crowds buzzing with cruel excitement, spilling outlandish gossip and drunken comments were exhausting, but he had been in the game for nearly two decades now. It took a lot to shake him. Thick skin was a requirement for the job.

The man stood alone, taking in the party happening around him. Had his attendance not been required for work, he would have skipped out entirely. Sponsorship deals could make or break a tribute, sure, but he had given up mentoring after his first year. A fleeting memory of the dagger that had been sent to him during his own Games crossed his mind. He owed everything to the graciously wretched woman who had gifted it to him.

Some victors, especially those who had not yet been around the track, did not know how to compartmentalize. Kyan chuckled to himself as he downed a sip of champagne from the crystal flute watching Panem's newest victor, Johanna Mason, snap.

Of course, he understood; perhaps better than most. He had, after all, seen the Games from the other side. Being a victor was hard, being a survivor was hard. He would not fault her for refusing to play nice with Capitolites putting money on a child's head.

Seeing her flee, however, was unacceptable. She was going to have to learn to stand her ground sooner rather than later. Every victor was eventually confronted with the sinking realization that The Games did not end when the final canon sounds; they lasted a lifetime. It was a lesson it took Kyan ten years to learn, but when he did, the Capitol started to make much more sense.

"Johanna Mason," Kyan called out above the roar of the crowd, breaking the vow of silence he had made to himself. He took another sip, hoping she would not ignore his beckoning.

[iratuscst]

a chorus of ' motherfucker ' was all that filled johanna's mind when she heard her name called , hands tightening into fists for a moment — she didn't know why , couldn't understand the way her blood boiled in a split second , the urge to break and punch and destroy overwhelming her for a moment — it was buried down as she exhaled , regaining some semblance of control over herself . she weighed her options as her fingers slowly relaxed — she could run , slip into the crowd and ignore him , avoid him for as long as possible . she could tell him to go fuck himself and then run , but that would be unnecessary and stupid , she couldn't curse people out for talking to her . . . usually . steeling herself , shoulders back and chin high , she turned and walked up to meet him , not being able to pull back the edge in her voice that even she couldn't identify . " that'd be me . kyan , right ? we met at my victory party . " it was either that or the victory tour party , both of those blended in her mind — the first one , she'd barely been there , not really , her body had been on autopilot with blight's help while her mind lingered in the arena . the second party , she'd had an appointment with the president and hadn't been able to think about anything else until she'd gotten back home — victory parties were a joke , and the mention of them makes her angry again , but she ignores it as she usually does , instead choosing to nod and push down a sigh , crossing her arms over her chest in a way that brought her infinite comfort right now . " look , i didn't mean to be a bitch about the kid , i just lost patience and that came out . "

[iratuscst]

❪   🍂   ❫    —   CLOSED STARTER  ﹕ @capitolrogue  ．

johanna  had  known  hard  work  and  sore  muscles  all  her  life  ,  had  broken  bones  and  fallen  off  trees  ,  had  endured  the  arena  and  what  it  does  to  your  body  —  talking  to  potential  sponsors  was  far  more  painful  than  any  of  those  things  combined  .  technically  ,  before  the  parade  and  the  whole  damn  circus  kicked  off  ,  this  was  all  pointless  but  it  seemed  like  the  people  with  pockets  deeper  than  she  could  truly  understand  just  couldn't  contain  their  excitement  .  it  made  her  sick  ,  and  the  anxiety  and  fear  she'd  walked  into  the  room  with  had  shifted  with  each  champagne  flute  and  revolting  conversation  —  no  ,  all  that  was  left  was  the  feeling  of  being  watched  ,  circled  ,  and  anger  .  the  '  innocent  '  comment  about  the  reapings  and  how  this  man's  money  was  on  the  boy  from  district  one  ,  how  he  seemed  very  affable  and  how  those  tend  to  be  dangerous  ,  how  easy  it  would  be  with  so  many  '  littler  ones  '  .  the  simmering  pot  inside  her  had  to  bubble  up  eventually  ,  and  her  tone  was  sharp  like  a  knife  .  "  i  wouldn't  be  so  sure  ,  sometimes  the  little  ones  snap  and  big  dangerous  boys  lose  their  heads  .  i  would  know  .  "  the  smile  was  nearly  a  sneer  as  she  drained  her  glass  and  gave  the  stunned  man  an  "  if  you'll  excuse  me  .  "  feeling  dirty  at  what  had  toppled  from  her  mouth  ,  moving  from  the  capitolite  before  he  dignified  her  with  a  response  ,  the  fight  part  of  her  survival  instincts  turning  quickly  to  flight  .  she  hadn't  meant  it  ,  she  could  be  a  right  bitch  but  there  was  nothing  to  brag  about  when  it  came  to  what  she'd  done  to  survive  —  finding  kyan  within  hearing  range  didn't  help  .  she  didn't  know  him  apart  from  a  brief  introduction  ,  but  she  knew  what  she'd  done  to  the  boy  from  his  district  ,  and  despite  blight's  words  bounding  in  her  head  —  '  what  happens  in  the  arena  ,  stays  in  the  arena  .  we  all  understand  ,  jo  .  '  —  she  shifted  gears  ,  turning  abruptly  to  escape  anywhere  else  .

[iratuscst]

❪   🍂   ❫    —    CLOSED STARTER   ﹕ @svgarcvbes  ．

all  good  things  end    ,  and  apparently  that  included  her  ability  to  sidestep  finnick  odair  and  his  surprising  interest  in  engaging  her  in  conversation   —  when  she'd  met  him  on  her  victory  party  right  before  she  was  allowed  to  go  home  and  escape  the  capitol  ,  he'd  found  her  at  the  bar  and  talked  at  her  until  the  old  lady  —  mags   —  had  come  to  her  rescue  and  pulled  him  away  .  when  her  victory  tour  came  around  and  she  stopped  at  district  four  ,  it  was  déjà  vu  all  over  again  —  once  again  ,  she'd  been  rescued  by  mags  ,  and  that  was  the  moment  she  decided  she  would  follow  that  lady  until  the  end  of  the  world  ,  forever  in  her  debt  .  johanna  had  avoided  him  perfectly  at  the  presidential  party  —  not  on  purpose  ,  but  because  she'd  been  led  into  an  office  and  forced  to  swim  with  sharks  —  and  when  her  phone  had  rang  in  district  seven  and  he  was  on  the  other  side  ,  she'd  asked  him  what  exactly  his  problem  was  and  hung  up  before  getting  an  answer  .  suffice  to  say  ,  she  hadn't  been  very  nice  at  all  ,  and  that  ought  to  have  been  enough  to  placate  him  —  apparently  not  .  "  odair  .  "  thankful  for  the  fresh  glass  of  champagne  she'd  picked  up  on  her  way  out  of  a  conversation  she  hadn't  wanted  to  engage  in  ,  she  took  a  chance  to  sip  it  ,  knowing  it  was  her  own  fault  for  not  watching  her  step  and  walking  directly  into  him  .  "  where's  mags  ?  "

[iratuscst]

❪   🍂   ❫    —    CLOSED STARTER   ﹕ @encbarias  ．

it  was  interesting  ,  in  a  truly  fucked  up  way  ,  to  notice  the  differences  in  how  certain  victors  held  themselves  —  how  some  seemed  to  welcome  the  pointless  conversations  ,  others  seemed  to  manage  to  hide  amongst  the  crowd  with  a  subtlety  that  johanna  knew  she'd  never  achieve  ,  and  then  there  were  the  ones  who  managed  to  made  themselves  look  somehow  busy  enough  in  their  solitude  that  they  were  left  alone  for  the  most  part  .  the  last  kind  ,  and  the  brunette  was  sure  she  would  feel  ashamed  eventually  ,  was  the  sort  to  move  with  their  head  down  ,  slip  behind  ice  sculptures  and  hide  .  "  fuck  me  .  "  the  hiss  wasn't  conducive  to  not  being  found  out  ,  but  she  buried  the  end  of  it  into  her  champagne  glass  ,  fighting  down  the  anger  she  felt  at  all  of  this  —  at  everyone  ,  at  herself  .  she  was  hiding  ,  again  ,  and  she'd  never  been  a  hider  —  something  about  these  people  tickled  her  survival  instincts  in  the  exact  same  way  the  arena  did  .  the  sound  of  approaching  footsteps  made  her  straighten  a  little  ,  trying  to  make  herself  seem  purposeful  and  nodding  a  little  at  the  woman  .  "  hey  .  enobaria  ,  right?  "  it  was  .  .  .  bad  .  pathetic  ,  even  ,  and  she'd  beat  herself  up  over  it  later  ,  but  it  was  better  than  the  part  of  her  brain  that  wanted  to  scream  '  i  wasn't  hiding  '  .

[iratuscst]

❪   🍂   ❫    —    CLOSED STARTER   ﹕ @lostales  ．

"  do  it  for  the  kids  ,  johanna    .  you're  gonna  need  these  people  to  like  you  ,  so  just  give  it  a  shot  .  "  fucking  blight  .  he  was  right  —  he  was  right  far  often  than  she  wanted  to  give  him  credit  for  ,  but  it  didn't  mean  she  had  to  like  it  ,  or  truly  even  tolerate  it  .  he'd  told  her  the  first  year  would  be  hardest  ,  and  she'd  thought  he  meant  the  games  —  now  she  knew  he'd  meant  everything  ,  because  people  still  flocked  to  her  to  take  one  last  look  at  the  last  person  to  make  it  out  of  their  favourite  tv  show  ,  made  comments  about  her  ' performance '  and  how  they  hoped  for  another  exciting  year  .  the  smile  on  her  face  was  fake  as  plastic  ,  unmoving  as  she  nodded  along  and  made  small  comments  in  a  voice  that  wasn't  hers  —  do  it  for  the  kids  ,  johanna  .  for  the  kids  .  when  she  saw  emersyn  pass  by  ,  someone  she'd  met  only  briefly  —  most  people  fit  in  that  category  —  she  let  her  eyes  open  a  bit  wider  ,  made  what  she  hoped  was  a  polite  wave  trying  to  signal  for  some  help  disengaging  from  whatever  this  fucked  up  conversation  was  .  blight  had  told  her  victors  watched  out  for  each  other  ,  it  was  worth  putting  it  to  the  test  .

[quotemadness]

Something had caught fire within me, a purpose had revealed itself.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky (via quotemadness)

[tragedysins]

[hopesumners]

[belialhaematemesis]

One Sings, The Other Doesn't [L'une Chante, L'autre Pas] (1977)

[antigonick]

She swallowed down the urge to say: I’m sorry, I don’t hate you, I just kind of hate myself right now. Instead, she coolly looked away, which was the opposite of an apology.

Tamsyn Muir, The Locked Tomb: Gideon the Ninth (via antigonick)

[laaanat-deactivated20220929]

The feminine urge to argue w a man for fun

[celebratingwomen]

Katherine Langford for Glamour Magazine