14 Signs Someone Is A Grown Ass Man, Because Dating Him Is So Completely Different
(Found on bustle.com, written by Brianna Wiest.)
The thing about dating a Grown-Ass Man is that you wonât know youâve found one until you have one. Before then, theyâll exist only as these mystical creatures â hypothetical hybrids of your dadâs best qualities and the way McDreamy treats Meredith Grey. (Treated. RIP. Ugh.) No matter how he comes into your life, or how long it takes you to find him, dating a grown-ass man is a game-changing thing for a grown-ass woman. It is an absolutely magical, unprecedentedly wonderful experience to be with one of these emotionally stable and mentally secure individuals. You realize that most of the stress you suffered in your previous relationships stemmed from nothing more than the simple fact that you have to be of a certain maturity to actually have a healthy, happy, functioning relationship.
Itâs an experience every last one of us deserves to have. But appearances can be deceiving. Are you sure the man is your life is truly a grown-ass one? When youâre drunk on hormones and happy brain chemicals, it can be difficult to see through your love haze to evaluate the grown-assness of a man in an objective way. So to help you identify it more clearly, here are 14 signs youâre finally dating a Grown. Ass. Man.
You Realize That Most Of Your Prior Relationship Issues Stemmed Simply From Being With People Who Were Not Ready To Be Committed
The biggest fears you have about relationships â wondering if youâll be emotionally compatible with someone, be able to coexist with them, and maintain your own existence while still devoting enough time to theirs â become obsolete when you date a grown-ass man. You donât worry about infidelity. You donât worry about where you stand, or what he wants, or how things will be six months from now. Simply, heâs at a place where he can actually care for another human being, and treat someone with as much respect as he gives himself. Heâs confident enough in his own life that he can support someone elseâs dreams and goals. Heâs matured enough not to let the little things blow him over.
Heâs Honest And Upfront About His Intentions
With a grown-ass man, youâre not constantly wondering âWill this work?â in an existential how-can-I-tell-if-this-is-meant-to-be kind of way, simply because itâs already working. You have your answer from the beginning. Thereâs no guesswork involved. Thatâs not to say that every relationship with every grown-ass man is meant to be, or that they all have perfectly happy endings. But if youâre on different pages or want different things, then youâll know it, because heâll tell you. Youâll know exactly where he stands, and if you donât, youâll be able to ask him, and you can have an adult conversation about it.
Thereâs No Intense Emotional Drama Over Anything In Your Day-To-Day Life
Thereâs just not. You donât argue over petty things that donât actually warrant concern. You donât waste your time or energy on becoming irrationally jealous and letting that feeling overcome you to the point of making a Whole Big Thing out of it. You trust each other because you know that youâre both trustworthy. Thereâs nothing more to it.
Heâs Busy With His Career, And Supports You Endlessly In Yours
You donât collapse into each other or cease to exist outside your bedroom for the first three months. Because you have shit to do, and he has shit to do. Thatâs one of the most beautiful and sustainable things about your relationship: Youâre both committed to more than just one another. And because you both understand that, you can respect it in one another (and ultimately use your love to bolster your drive to achieve even more).
You donât have to do influence him to be an adult, and you certainly donât have to be anxious over whether heâs going to be irresponsible in some devastating way. You can talk about money and know that heâll be reasonable and responsible about it. He remembers to call his mom and send her flowers on Motherâs Day. He has practical goals and pays his electric bill on time. He can cook himself a meal and clean his apartment. He is, all in all, a functioning adult, and thankfully is not waiting around for someone else to get his life on track for him.
Heâs The Beautiful Combination Of Emotional And Mental Maturity
He doesnât let a moment of anger consume him. Nor does he lose sight of the greater goals you have for your relationship. He has a basic grasp on the tenants of emotional intelligence. He can view things objectively and not get swept away by one small issue. In essence, he understands what it means to have a good relationship, and he also knows how not to let his emotions control his life in any negative way.
You Can Talk Through Anything (No, But Actually, Really Talk It Through)
You think that, in theory, youâve been able to âtalk thoughâ anything with your past partners, as itâs almost a promise youâre required to make to each other when youâre first opening up to a new relationship. But itâs not until youâre with a grown-ass man that you know what this really means. It means that you can put anything on the table, and as long as you are respectful and honest and kind, youâll receive the same treatment in return. It means that nothing is too weird or bad or traumatizing to discuss. You go into every conversation not as âwill this break us?â but âhow will this make us stronger?â
He Takes You Out. He Wants To Treat You Well
Date night is not something he begrudgingly agrees to because he feels obligated. He actually wants to show you how much he cares, and this is one of many ways he does it. He wants to get dressed up and take you somewhere nice. If it isnât already principle for him to be respectful, grateful and want to show his partners a great time, when heâs with you, itâs taken to a new level. He cares enough about your partnership to want to wine and dine you, and keep dating you even after youâve been in a relationship for so long. Itâs not about showing off or asserting dominance by spending money on you (Hell, whoâs to say that he even pays every time?) â itâs about spending time together, and making that time special.
He Sincerely Regards You As An Equal, And It Shows
You being his absolute equal isnât just something he says. You see this in the way he speaks to you, brings up hard topics, compromises, respects your opinion, etc. He doesnât talk down to you. He doesnât treat you like a child to whom things need be explained. Even if he has a better grasp on the topic at hand, he regards you as an equal with an opinion as valid as his, and he responds accordingly.
You Donât Have To Look For âHidden Meaningâ In Your Interactions
Your texts are just texts. You donât have to sit around wondering what a comment âmeans,â because if youâre unsure, you can just ask. Grown-ass men are not in a place where they need to play games. There are no mixed signals, or âhintsâ that are supposed to be magically interpreted as statements.
âKnowing what he wantsâ may mean that he knows that heâs really into you, and that he wants to keep dating to see if anything will come of it, though not necessarily lock it down next week, and thatâs okay. That might not be what you want either. The point is that, regardless, he knows where heâs at, so younever have to wonder. He knows whatâs best for him in this moment, and what he can offer you both now and in the immediate (and long-term) future.
And heâs willing to hear the ways he might be wrong. He wants to change and be better; not because youâve told him to, but because he wants to. He wants to live a better life, understand who he is, and do all of this in part so that he can share it fully, and genuinely, with someone he loves (aka, you).
He Regards Your Trust As Something He Must Earn
He does not expect you to be immediately trusting of him, and this isnât because he considers himself untrustworthy. Itâs only because he recognizes that youâre an intelligent, capable individual who knows that not everybody can be (nor should be) trusted right off the bat. So little by little, he opens up to you. He shows you why heâs trustworthy. He makes no empty promises without evidence to support them. He makes you feel as though youâre safe â not as though you have to convince yourself you are.
He Regards Your Love As Something He Experiences, As Opposed To Something He Owns
Heâs grateful for each day he gets to spend with you. He understands that a relationship is about experiencing things together, and choosing to be in each otherâs lives. He never thinks he owns you, nor does he take your company for granted. He does not regard you, or your relationship, or your love, as something he just âhasâ indefinitely. Often, this is the biggest downfall in relationships: You begin to take it all for granted, and sooner rather than later, it becomes dull and uninteresting, as you assume itâs just âyours.â
Any grown-ass man knows that this isnât the case. He knows that you are not reliant on him, nor do you need anybody else to validate you. Because of this, your love is something that the two of you share for the experience; not a way to become codependent and start a family because thatâs what you âshouldâ do. Knowing this, he remains present and grateful to be with you. And when you consider each moment a blessing, not a right, you treat it as such.
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