"Expectation is the root of all heartache."

[elisaenglish]

To grieve is to relearn the world, I once read. After feeling like I might split in two yesterday and only having managed a half-cry, I’ve decided that I can’t do it again. I won’t do it.

Not that your loss means any less – although it has been more expected – and not because I don’t feel the sick absurdity of the timing or that “fair share” and I orbit vastly different planets. But because I can’t live my life like this; I can’t lose another year to darkness, especially not when the worst of it keeps on coming.

Just as you have fallen now to death, I must breathe and rise in goodness. It doesn’t mean that I’ll forget.

Sleep in deep serenity, sweet. May peace be with you, too.

[ironmaidenbands]

To you,

Infinity. An aspect no one knows anything about. What lasts for infinity? What’s lasts forever? Is love something that is capable between two people? Is it possible to lobe more than one person wholly and truly? Do the pieces of our shattered hearts somehow heal into whole and become something else entirely, opening us up to new experiences and wholesome interactions only known in movies? We’re you that person for me? No. There was a time I shared absolutely everything and that connection that we had I felt could stand the strength of time. The pain I felt at the time was unbearable. It was a complete cut off. I don’t question what I did wrong. I gave it a chance. I gambled with something that gave me life. It wasn’t worth it and I was a fool to believe in something bigger than what is just viewed by plain site. There is nothing else out there. Infinity is just a word. Love is just a word. I don’t want to admit I’m heartbroken. I’m not, I expected it. And with that, my expectations for love and life have lowered. You can’t rely or trust others. I’ve always been broken, you helped build the pieces, but without you, the pieces have broken again and I feel as if this is more painful than the first time. I should have known better. I’ll let my dreams stay inside my head from now on, never to voice. I won’t give you a passing thought. I won’t smile when I think of you. Songs won’t remind me of you anymore. You’re nothing to me. Cinco d’Mayo fucking sucks.

[lilllium]

—Franz Kafka

[ironmaidenbands]

I may not be remembered throughout the centuries but the moon knows and remembers my soul every time.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

My feelings for you left me blind

I’m looking for things I’ll never find

You’ll never love me, that’s a fact

I wish you never had an impact

I know you’ll leave and just go

It will forever hurt me so

I knew it couldn’t last forever.

Although to you, it’s so whatever

I wish I could be as dismissive

But my heart was too submissive.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

Maybe I didn’t know what exactly I wanted but when I looked into your eyes & you looked right past me, I realized you were definitely not it anymore.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

There is a huge part of me that left long ago

I have so many reminders, it’s hard to let it go.

I don’t think you understand what you actually meant to me.

I’m really trying not to care and just live my life free.

I take a deep breath and smile, sometimes I don’t know how.

I know I can move on someday, just not right now.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

Somebody stop this fire before I burn myself again.

I’ve got so many problems and they all start with loose ends.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

Have you ever had a secret, kept deep inside.

That only with one, you couldn’t hide.

The lies, the deception, the lack of trust.

Only for you to be left out to adjust.

Sick to your stomach you continue to hope.

Washing your sins, scrubbing with soap

All of the times he touched your skin

Forget that now, let the healing begin.

It’s time to move on, he’s already gone

The battle lines have been drawn.

Nothing will be as it was before

Oh my darling, it’s time for war.

-VB

[ironmaidenbands]

I wanted to scream but no sound emerged.

Emptiness filled my body.

My hearts shattered.

The glimmer of hope.

Of something real.

Gone with a few words.

I told you it was okay and I was fine.

I lied.

But you’ll never know.

And I’ll never forget.

-VB

[little-lost-starr]

09.11.17 // Retrospect

[hollywood-sadcore]

[ironmaidenbands]

[ironmaidenbands]

Today I saw my life through different eyes.

A turn of your face, and I realized.

The shadow of something all too familiar.

The shadow of something I had thought was over.

It turned my stomach.

I thought I’d be sick.

Never again would you be my pick.

Just like that my feelings were over.

I never though that would be my closure.

-VB

[fighting-ghosts]

[ironmaidenbands]

She didn’t scream, she barely whispered.

All the words she let them linger.

On her tongue, never set free.

In her mind where they should be.

It’s driving her mad, can’t you tell?

One look in her eye, and all is well.

She keeps it hidden so forcefully, the things that we will never see.

She’s a master in the worst of ways, hiding herself and draining away.

-VB.

[ironmaidenbands]

She bottled it up inside of her as tears swelled in her eyes. Her fist closed together as she swallowed the silent scream building inside of her.

“Not today” she said.

Not today.

And never again.

-VB