The Secret Ironman

Just a girl trying to overcome the worst year of her life and come back UNBREAKABLE.

[ironmq]

Writing time has escaped me. That means one thing.... I’ve been busy and that is a good thing. Some good news first. In November, I sat with my employer and asked for a raise. Two months later, they answered me with a more than generous offer. I took a gamble and made a personal appeal instead of a business one. Didn’t approach it with “I deserve more” but instead said, “give me more responsibility, let me work more”. It was answered with a more than 50% increase. Who gets a 50+% raise. Damn, y’all..... I can’t tell you how relieved I am for that answered prayer. Second good thing. I have been working out consistently for just over a month to the tune of 37 activities on Strava. Early morning workouts are still a struggle and so is getting to the gym. But, they are happening. Finally, my stupid decision. On Tuesday I found myself in my car waiting and perusing Facebook. I saw a sponsored post for a local bike race (not rally) and I signed up for the Time Trial and the short gravel race..... or so I thought. What I had signed up for was the ENTIRE weekend of events. That would include a road race and a crit. Ask how uncomfortably sweaty I got when I understood what I had done the day before? It was already a first for the two I thought I was doing. I’m on the fence on what I am actually going to do. I have two months to make myself crazy over it. In Spanish there is a word for “stupid” that seems so much harsher than it does in English. TONTA.

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I feel like I’m 1000 years old for having to purchase this.  Every night I question.... did I take it? Now, I’ll never have to wonder.

I went to the gym yesterday. I did 30 minutes of weights.  I don’t take long breaks and I do three sets of each.  Am I the only person that get her heart rate up lifting weights? Is that normal.  Most times when I go, I do an all over body workout and change it up so I can avoid the most dreaded exercise in the gym.... the deadlift. BUT yesterday I focused on legs only which meant DEADLIFTS. I walked around work wondering if people thought my legs were broken because they were not working.  I also managed to run early this morning in the cold.  It actually wasn’t that bad once you got going. I do think the

But what I really came here for was to talk to you about how much I missed Rambo, my tri bike.  I had been using my road bike on the trainer. I’m hoping to ride outside this weekend and thought I should really get my tri bike on the trainer. I rode it for the first time this weekend on the trainer and it’s like I fell in love all over again. I didn’t realize it, but I missed riding it. It felt like home.

[ironmq]

For someone that had two procedures this week.... I’ll take that weekly summary.

I realized today that this is my ten year anniversary of triathlon.  I finished my first race in 2009 after many failed attempts.  I did take a four year break from them, but then the 6 foot siamese twin convinced me to try again.

Surprisingly, the swim is kicking my butt and I’m always sore the day of and the day after.  I missed one day on the bike.  And next time I’ll turn my watch on when I go the gym so that is captured. Tomorrow is a REST day and I plan to do just that. My legs are T-I-R-E-D! But look at my resting heart rate though.  That’s back to Ironman Training days already.  Should be interesting to see how much lower it gets.

I hope you all had  a great week as well and I hope you get tomorrow off (I don’t).

It’s past my bedtime (thanks to that football game).  Goodnight, Tumblr.

[ironmq]

2016 was a good year for so many reasons. Until I got the tattoo, I wore this pendant and I've decided maybe it was my lucky charm. Yesterday I put it back on because I'm due for a good year. I did in fact make it to the gym yesterday and I'm supposed to pick a tough session for myself on my bike tonight. And in other secret news that I can say outloud here, I applied for a photographer position at AAFES. The starting pay is $10k more than what I currently make right now. It is to photograph items for their catalog. The issue is I really like working here now. During my year long hiatus from Tumblr, I was moved to the corporate office to work on our catalog by taking pictures, formatting the print catalog, uploading the online catalog. Then.... they moved me to HR to help out while one of them was going to be out for 12 weeks due to medical reasons. It is a whole lot more work than taking pictures etc, but it is a very interesting position. There is never a boring day. But.... the money - I really need every penny of that $10k plus a little more starting in May. So keep your fingers crossed, I'm secretly hoping they offer me the job and I show it to my employer (who I've already spoken to about my situation and needing a raise) and that they'll match the offer. And if they don't, then I go to where the money is at because I need it.

[ironmq]

Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve completed three weeks of working out at least 5 days a week. A handful of days have been two workouts a day. The first week I basically had to take a muscle relaxer for my back after every workout. My back was still super tight from it going out around Christmas. I went and got adjusted and that helped a ton. No more flexaril required. I’ve been exclusively on Zwift for my bike hoping to get ready for a road ride soon. I enjoy it more than just a plain ole trainer. But I do wonder how I can push myself more on it. I’ve been running twice a week because I’m saving my knees. The Cowtown Half is about 6 weeks away. I’m trying to get to the pool twice a week. I’ve slowed down considerably. My endurance isn’t there. But I’m finding that I missed my swims (something I thought I’d never say). I’ve found some old swim workouts that I’m enjoying doing more than just swimming until I reach a certain distance. So now it’s time to add in weights, my least favorite. I’ve lost A LOT of muscle in the past year. Time to get it back. So I’m putting it out there. I’m going to the gym in the morning. I’ll write a workout tonight. Now all of you have to keep me accountable. Find me on Zwift, I’m Marie Q. I’m standing in front of a Texas Flag Mural in my profile pic.

[ironmq]

Brain Break

Ten days ago I had to kidnap @amft for a much needed brain break.  I did’t have to work really hard to get her to go.  I picked the spot, found us a no frills cabin and next thing I know she booked it.  I had picked Caddo Lake State Park hoping that we would get to canoe or kayak.  Known for Cypress Trees and Spanish moss, it’s the most beautiful in the spring and fall.  It’s the least spectacular in the winter months, but it still has a very surreal feel to it.

Unfortunately, Texas has had a stupid amount of rain in the past year and just a few days prior to arriving it rained and flooded the area pretty bad.  All the boat ramps were under water, and part of the park was closed.  So we found a local historic town and browsed through antique shops, visited the the great salt and pepper shaker museum also known as the Museum of Measurement and Time.  Very peculiar that it had more salt and pepper shakers than it had clocks etc.

We ate the most delicious Frito Pie and Cornbread. And then we headed back to the state park to go run their hiking trails and some of the hills inside the park.

Since we had pretty much done everything we could in the tiny town of Uncertain, TX I figured we would sleep in the next day and hit another state park on our way home.

We slept and then we had pie for breakfast. That was the best.

We packed up and headed to Tyler State Park.  We picked a couple of short trails to hike and spent a beautiful day exploring that park.  Their trails were also pretty flooded/muddy but we persevered.

In Uncertain we were truly off the grid with very little reception. Don’t tell anyone, but it was kind of nice. In the end, the brain break was successful.

[ironmq]

I posted this on our local running club page so that others could put their goals out in the universe. Those three events are pretty much yearly events for me. My 7th time running cowtown, 4th doing TriWaco, 5th Hotter n Hell. This year at HHH they have a new road/ gravel event and I’ll be training to do that. It’s 100k road at 7AM. 100k gravel at 7 pm. BUT, my crazy friends want to do the 100 mile road. I signed up for the 100k. I can always change it later. I’m not sure if I’m feeling that crazy.

[ironmq]

All I asked for Christmas from my daughter was for her to take a few photos with me. On Christmas Eve she gave me my wish.

12 years ago during Spring Break, I had her with me at the studio. I set up a grey backdrop and put my camera on a timer and did a lot of running. To this day, those are some of my favorite photos

When I moved to the new house, I got rid of most of my photography equipment. Basically everything except my cameras and lenses. I had to buy a backdrop stand and a grey backdrop and realized it was the third time for me to purchase them. When I relocated back to Texas 14 years ago, I had moved in with my then fiancé,my now ex husband. I threw away all my photography equipment then and he told me not to throw away my dream. But I did. Then I started my photography business one year later. You think I’d learn. I won’t throw it away again.

She’s leaving me this year and we are both struggling with it more than we ever expected to. I truly will be an empty nester in every sense and it’s terrifying. I notice the silence now when she is not home and I think about how quiet my life is going to be with her gone. I want her to experience college and being on her own, I just don’t want her to be 8+ hours away. And suddenly she is realizing she is leaving and now fear is setting in. She’s going to be alone too. She feels an obligation to her grandfather and me. What if something happens while she is away? She wants to get out of this town and in the same breath she doesn’t want to leave.

2019. It’s going to be a year of life changes…for both of us

[ironmq]

Jan. 1 vs Dec. 31. Truth be told I gained even more weight than the top photo and then I lost it. I wish I could tell you all it was from eating healthy and exercise. But I worried and feared those pounds away. Anxiety kicked my ass this year. It still is. But if one good thing came out of it, it was that I lost the weight. For the last half of the year I spent it in the 120’s, the weight of my 20’s pre-child. Happy New Year, Tumblr. Let’s make it a better one.

[ironmq]

@amft + churros + Mexican hot chocolate = “I’m so HAPPYYYYY”

[ironmq]

Everyday I pass my bikes and think of that meme, “I wonder if my bike misses me too”?

I decided to start a zwift beginners training plan and it looked easy enough to me.  The first workout was only 30 minutes long and I thought that was a smart way to start.  30 minutes of intervals.  Can you pass out on a bike? I got super light headed during the hard efforts.  Nonetheless, I made it.  It would probably be worth doing my FTP test again because I’m especially wimpy right now.

About two hours after that zwift session I started getting my photography gear ready for a small wedding I was photographing later in the day.  I was bending over to plug in my battery charger when it happened.... my back went out.  UGGHHHH. And just like that I went from starting a training plan to walking like a 90 year old.

[ironmq]

My first 5 AM workout since February. It’s been nice sleeping in for TEN months.

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Today is International Mountain Day and I’ve hiked a few of them.  This past summer the little athlete told me that was her last one.  I didn’t argue, I simply accepted three summits was more than most mother-daughter’s do. I was happy to have experienced those with her.  Then..... just this past weekend she says, “I think we should do another one this summer.  It’s our thing.  I hate waking up early.  The hike up sucks.  The top is amazing.  But I want to do it with you again.”

That made my momma heart happy.

[ironmq]

The Week in Photos

I’ve tried all week to post from my phone and have just decided my app hates me. 

Sunday started with a swim, a lite brunch, and my neighbor’s cow being born. And Texas Y’all! 

On Wednesday I hosted a random happy hour night that included @amft hugging the new 4 day old baby calf, Red.  

My nightstand tells an accurate story in the form of mugs. Wednesday night, Moscow Mule Mug.  Thursday night, hot tea mug.  Friday night, Pinterest concoction to feel better mug and all the kleenexes.  And St. Jude in the background because.... it can’t hurt.

And finally yesterday in full blown sinus infection mode I wanted Matzo Ball Soup.  So I went to the store to buy the ingredients to make chicken broth and I went searching through the store to find Matzo Meal.  I walk up to two different employees and ask where the Jewish section is at.  Both look at me puzzled.  The second asks, “what are you looking for?” I tell him and he takes me to a sad little corner of the grocery store where there is literally 4 items.  It’s Hanukkah RIGHT NOW. They didn’t have it.  So I must go find some later today.  

[ironmq]

Well... my goal for this next week is to get TWO workouts in. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I just can’t get myself either off the computer or out of bed. I’ve woken up at 3:30 most days this week. And I’ve gone in to work early most days too. Maybe I’ll start tomorrow.

[ironmq]

Texas Sunsets may never get old.  In other news - everything is proving to be more complicated than I expected. And I mean EVERYTHING - from work to riding my bike, 

And to end on a positive note. I have been worried about a missing document at work that I could neither find a hardcopy of nor find a scanned document.  So I had to confess today because we were going to need it this week.  When I finally do, my boss says, “ that’s because I have it”

[ironmq]

Back Pocket

Almost 5 years ago to the day I met with THE divorce attorney in town. She isn’t pleasant or nice even when YOU are her client.  And NO ONE wants to be on the other side of her in court.  I tell her everything - what we own, our debt, the situation.  Because he wasn’t the Little Athlete’s dad there would be no custody arrangement and no child support. She looked at me and said these things.

1.Sell your building (where my photography studio was located).

2. Sell your house.

3. Get a job.

4. And be grateful you have photography in your back pocket because that is going to save you.

Of all those things she said, I listened to none of it.  And eventually I ended up doing all of it. My recent battle with anxiety has been financially driven.  In May when the little athlete graduates, my life changes. Since she was 4 I have received a monthly social security check as part of her survivor benefits.  That money has always been used to pay the house - wherever “the house” was.  I do not make enough money currently to remain in this house after she is done with high school and saving $400 a month by moving into an apartment doesn’t help much either.  I seriously envision me living in government housing and even then, that might be a stretch. I worry about it non-stop.  I am going to ask for a raise at work when my review comes up.  I’ve added Human Resources to my job description and that should equate to some extra money.  Again, I don’t think they’ll give me an $18k a year raise and so I go back to THE lawyer. I’ve been stuck in fear and if I don’t figure a way out of this it does not look good for me. So I go back THE lawyers advice.  “Photography is going to save you”.

All those external hard drives represent 9 years of photographs. I have older ones from when externals where bulky and needed their own power source. I started operation “Saved by Photography” yesterday.  I purchased a new website and business blog.  I updated my business name on facebook and I didn’t realize that when I did that it would take my business page out of hiding (I put it there years ago) and resurrected it. That meant all my old followers saw that I changed my business name and then the comments and private messages started.  The reason all those drives are on my bed is because people want their old photos. I ask them what year and I swear they are answering 2008 and 2009. It is extra money for me.  But hunting and searching through drives that haven’t powered up in years is a little nerve wracking.  I sit there and wait for the the drive to load - “Please Work.  PLEASE”.

I hope to have everything done for a January 1 launch date.  And hopefully by May.... Photography is going to save me.