said my baby boy

frankly my dear, i don't give a damn

[irregvlation-blog]

me coming home from my trip and finding out drift closed

if anybody wants my discord it’s @regular#6921 !!!!!

[irregvlation-blog]

CLAY.

                eros incarnate             desire made audible in corporeal visit of divinity. god touch them    ,    make them say their hail mary’s when they drop to their knees to take them in their mouth.     ❝  you have to say please    ❞      they’d play this game more    ,    weave poetry with their tongue if they weren’t rasping like thing possed by iron.   the god in their lungs begs that the angel in front of them is so wicked   &.   divine that these windows will split asunder.    ❝   i know that you wouldnt be able to catch me    ,    im just that good.   ❞    he is a whisper    ,   a hot breath against their neck   &.   they are weak weak weak weak. power beyond measure    ,    pull beyond words   &.   how gone they are. a sinner in the night against his fever hot skin    &.   iced cold eyes.    ❝   you know the prettiest was the devil? ❞      god    ,   slide those ruby lips up the column of their neck    &.    make them remember that Lucifer was an angel once    ,    make them taste the fruit of Eden   &.   know what sin feels like.   ❝ the other angels are jealous ? i doubt they can see me next to you. ❞                      

          MAYBE IT'S MUCH TOO close to mockery when he laughs, hand stretching out just so his fingers can brush over the locks of the younger’s hair, turning one around a digit and tugging ever so slightly. he bends down, hot breath against their ear and he presses his mouth against it. “ i don’t say please to people who don’t DESERVE it. ” ( do you deserve it, LITTLE ONE? or do you simply think you do? ) he grins, an action that can be felt against their ear, teeth nipping at it ever so slightly, the very picture of SIN —— the forbidden fruit, teeth sunk into the flesh, feeding. his words are caught in his throat. “ and even GOD didn’t dare call the devil a mistake— because he was so utterly IMPERFECT that he was PERFECT. ” he moves downwards, mouth against neck. ( if his tongue peeks out, swiping against their neck, it’s UNMENTIONED. ) “ where did you learn to flatter like that? ” he asks a little breathlessly, but abruptly shifts so that his two legs enclose the other’s knee and he sits down on their thigh. his mouth curves, the beginnings of a smirk. “ how can the angels even DARE to look at me when TEMPTATION sits there, right next to me? ”

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

keep reading.

          HE CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE HAD done this with that dull ache in his chest, as though he was reminding himself to keep things purely physical and not delve into the emotiona— ( no, snap out of it, dont’ say the word or it becomes reality. ) the intimacy of the situation is a blessing and curse at the same time, a REWARD for the months they had spent with mere lingering touches and fleeting glances to satisfy the hunger that stirred deep in their stomachs as the precedence to the IMMORALITY they now show, beasts with hot blood running in their veins and a mindset to continue feeding, eating, to sate themselves. ( doesn’t he know how long i’ve wanted this for, how much i want this? ) the boy in front of him is so effortlessly beautiful, carved out of marble by the gods themselves yet so blissfully unaware of it, having the audacity to tell linkai he’s pretty instead. it almost makes him scoff in the moment, even with a MOUTHFUL of haruki and he’s struck with the sudden desire to swallow him whole. a hand is woven into his hair naturally, tugging at the locks so they pull away from his face and he’s left feeling terribly exposed ( MARRED by sin, touched with dirty intentions. what would his family say if they saw him now, mouth around a boy in tokyo, crying, begging to be fucked? )

          he doesn’t know why haruki’s sole groans are enough to send heat down his body until his toes curl against the mattress and it’s funny how he’s the one with an occupied mouth, yet the japanese male is the one that seems to be choking, gasping for a breath that isn’t there. he moans around his cock, thumbs digging into thighs, sucking around the tip shamelessly like it’s an oasis in a desert and —— FUCK, control has always been a thinly held torch when it comes to the pair of them, and linkai feels himself losing to the pleasure of it all. he kisses down without shame, as though they don’t have a time limit before haruki will have to pay and builds a rhythm, tongue curling around the shaft, humming when he hears the nickname. he’s been waiting long for this ( MONTHS, maybe in this life, but he can’t help but imagine a time — another time, years ago, decades, hundreds, all the lives he must have spent — without this. ) and just the sheer thought of this, the sheer achievement is enough for him to harden considerably, until he finds himself grinding against the sheets, haruki still in his mouth yet still ACHING for more. he slides all the way down once, tip hitting the back of his throat before he pulls off, precome and saliva built around his mouth, eyes bright and cheeks pink. “ fuck — call me that, call me that again, ” he hisses out, cock straining against the material of his costume. his hand is shaking when he bends down again, taking haruki in his mouth, mewling. “ there’s — fuck, there’s lube in the first drawer — get — get it — want your fingers in me, want your fucking pretty fingers in me, please, i need them. ” 

[jaewin]

😚💋

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

keep reading.

          IN A NIGHT OR IN A DAY, he can’t ( no, no, even on two hands ) count the amount of times he had thought about his particular scene and situation, waiting impatiently for mere daydreams, follies, ideas to become a reality. now that is is, he finds it almost impossible to imagine something better than the desperation he can see on the other’s face, so pliant and malleable with sheer need and want that linkai can’t help but allow the waves of power to wash over him, reminding him that HE’S the one in control ( or does he just like to think that he is? ). the mere thought leaves him shivering, satisfaction being an understatement to the emotion of pride he feels upon twisting someone as beautiful as haruki. one second he’s parting his mouth, begging on the tip of his tongue, the next their positions are changed and he positively cries out at the addition pressure, heat pressed against heat like there was no other place that it was meant to belong. he can already feel himself, half hard in his boxers and quickly gaining momentum each passing second. linkai kisses back with FERVOR, the taste of chapstick and lip gloss melting together, a kiss that desperately cries out ‘why didn’t we do this sooner?’ they do an excellent job of acting on lust entirely, and he can’t help but smirk into the kiss when he feels haruki fumble with his pants, fingers rapidly moving to get the buckle of the belt off as though anybody would stop them.

         and now —— NOW, when his bones feel as though they are made out of liquid and he can’t keep himself to say any full sentences —— does he loop his arms around haruki’s neck, hips swiveling desperately so they can press themselves against haruki’s bulge. there’s three layers of clothes that separate them,  yet they’re three layers far too many. tears spring to his eyes, ones of relief, and his hand scrambles down the other’s body, stopping at the waistband of his boxers. finally, in a brief moment where they pause, linkai drops his hand down, dipping underneath the waistband. there, his finger draws another line down haruki’s length, before he finally mumbles a “FUCK IT” and takes his cock out entirely, fingers closing around it. he’s tempted to move his hand now, to stroke it up and down, yet he feels like he would be CHEATING somehow. ( are they in high school or what? ) so instead, he presses a chaste kiss to the mouth spreading the filthy words that make him raise goosebumps all over, and pulls the boy down so that his own heat presses onto haruki’s unclothed one entirely. ( if he himself lets out a cry, cock twitching inside his boxers, he doesn’t mention it. ) “ please, i want you to fuck me, ” it might as well be a MANTRA, with how often he’ll say it. “ i ——  wait, fuck —— first, i want to suck you off. ” he doesn’t let the words sink in before he holds haruki’s length in his hands, and in a matter of seconds he’s reversed their positions again, the other underneath him. linkai dips down, hands resting on his thighs. finally, FINALLY, he lowers his head, mouth opened and tongue peeking out to swipe at the slit and beads of precum before taking the entire head in. ( SIN, SIN, he thinks to himself, but one more won’t hurt. )

[irregvlation-blog]

JIHYUN.

keep reading.

         THE BAD THING ABOUT LINKAI is that he seems to judge upon a simple glance, to see one sole action, hear a few words and decide on their character immediately. maybe that’s why he’s so CONFIDENT in his ability to pick out jihyun as a homebody —— POSSESSIVE, however, with an aura that couldn’t help but turns heads. ( it certainly turned HIS own. ) he’s always been loud, grating on nerves and he’s fully expecting a scolding, a hissed ‘get out’. but linkai is evidently flustered by the kiss pressed against his mouth —— and he notices too late to kiss back before it’s broken, the distance between them increasing and he feels too desperate to cry out and tell him to stop moving away from him so quickly. “ you don’t want me to be a whore, ” he states, “ you just want me to be your whore. ”

          ( WHY IS HE NOT RUNNING AWAY? ) perhaps it’s a downside to being a politician’s son ( no, TWO politicians’ son, he reminds himself ), that he braces himself for the inevitable farewell. a night spent between sheets, bodies PRESSED against each other is one thing, and he’s waiting to let it go. but once again, jihyun’s words take a blow to his chest —— DOES HE NOT KNOW how much it hurts? linkai thinks, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip so he could stop himself from letting out a gasp at the unexpected sweetness, do you know how much it hurts wondering whether you’ll be left because of your past? he glances up, tongue in his cheek and promptly freezes at the nails, raking over his sensitive skin, leading reminders that jihyun was here. “ good, because i want you too, ” he hums, tilting his head, shrugging a shoulder so the robe falls off it entirely, exposing a plane of unmarred, pale skin. “ i —— i want you right NOW, ” linkai admits, cheeks burning red with the shame of asking, like he hadn’t been begging hours before. “ please —— jihyun-chan, please. “ 

[irregvlation-blog]

CLAY.

               he looks like he could kiss poetry into the soft of them    &.    they would carve his name into their spine. he is one for pageantry     ,    he has the kind of hands that angels dream of. playing their harp is the closest they’ll ever be to being the kind of thing that the divine covet.     ❝   everyone wants a taste    ,    but no one ever tries to get one.    ❞    fingers tap on the bar       ,     ordering another glass of wine with eyes wide. they’ve made others bed   &.   altar place. they want to take this communion    ,   taking their wine. he would rather be feeling the other’s flesh     ,    their blood.    ❝   im not like the others    ,     no one has yet to catch me.   ❞   this kind of sacrilege that makes their knees go weak    ,   the kind of heresy that they can sink their teeth into. their doe eyes have fooled him. he has yet to learn what they are since the day they crawled out of Leto’s womb.    ❝   i uh think that you are very pretty    ,    like an uh angel. did it uh hurt when you fell?    ❞    second place never interested them. especially    ,    when it concerns a lover that looks like he fucks every color of the sunset.                                    

          THEY'RE PUSH AND PULL——coy one second, flustered the next. perhaps it would mess more with linkai’s mindset, had it not been for the fact that they seem all too ENRAPTURED with him, and he’s always loved the attention that comes with the other. “ would you let me if i asked prettily enough? ” he asks in a sweet tone. his neat eyebrows arch, barely able to hide the small flash of SURPRISE that comes with being greeted with their confidence. “ you think even i wouldn’t be able to catch you? ” he hums out, long fingers stretched out, index finger brushing over the rim of the new wine glass. linkai grasps onto the glass before the other can, taking a sip out of it and pushing it back to them. his thumb wipes over his lip before he ducks forward, pressing that same thumb against the other’s bottom lip, waiting patiently for their tongue to swipe out and lick the remaining drink. at the unexpected ( CHEESY—— LIKE A CHILD confessing to their first crush, and yet he finds himself grinning. ) “ i was thrown out of heaven for being too beautiful. ” a brief moment passes and it seems like it’s just them two in the club. “ the angels were jealous—— they probably still are, because i have YOU in the palm of my HAND. ”

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

keep reading.

          IF SINNING IS WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE —— he would sin ten, a hundred, thousands of times more until even the most FORGIVING of angels would cast and throw him away from heaven, eyes averted from his blasphemous form. ( no, no, not even prayers from god himself could save you now, you whore. ) he had never truly understood the words absence makes the heart grow fonder until he had been forced to merely look for months, metres of distance between them from one side of the room to another, too SHORT to hide the dark eyes resting on each other in the dark night, masking everything else. but now, now, NOW, he’s finally fed, no longer the ravenous monster boy, but instead letting the feeling of absolute satisfaction numb him down. the hands on his face are far too gentle for how dirty their actions are, light fleeting touches of fingertips against his cheeks, and it’s rapidly counterbalanced by linkai scrabbling on to scratch more lines onto the other’s back over the thin fabric of whatever shirt he’s wearing, desperate to leave a mark. his own touches only falter when he feels something trail down his chest, gradually yet surely, and once again his breath hitches in his throat, releasing itself in a drawled out whine. “ p—— please. ” even the smallest actions, a flick against his nipple, thumb rubbing against it is enough to leave him contorted, hands curled into fists and breathing heavy. “ i want you so bad —— i wa—— it hurts. ”

          the kiss reminds him of everything about the first time they had seen each other, when linkai’s gaze had dropped from the ceiling, immediately drawn towards the boy at the back of the large crowd that had filed in and his chest had ached. “ i need you, i need you, i need you, ” he chants like a mantra, tongue swiping at haruki’s bottom lip, catching it between his teeth. then, then, then the hand brushes against his thigh ( SO close ) before finally over his clothed length and he jerks involuntarily, a high pitched cry leaving his mouth that would make even the most blasphemous of people cover their ears. his face burns, mind whiting out at the touch and little gasps escaping him every second. “ ah—— fuck, fuck, fuck, i’m—— ” he’s rendered speechless he buries his face into the other’s shoulder in shame, in embarrassment at being caught so vulnerable. he grinds down, hips twitching with the effort and length trying to find any sort of friction against haruki’s body and finally finding home against the palm of the japanese man’s hand. his hand scrabbles down, finger abruptly drawing a line down the outline of haruki’s length, visible through his jeans. his fingers curl around it, pressing down lightly. “ i —— i want these off. ” he turns his head the slightest, teeth scraping against haruki’s collarbone and he bites down on the shoulder gently, crying out when he grinds down particularly hard. “ more, more, ” ( ‘don’t you feel any shame begging?’ somebody could ask ) ( and he would reply with ‘why should i?’ ) 

[irregvlation-blog]

JIHYUN.

it’s just a fact about jihyun that, while it’s not often, when he does indeed have someone in his bed that he truly enjoys, he enjoys  them as much as he likes so long as they’re willing as well. there’s been a multitude of people that he’s had that were the literal definition of a one night stand. and, even if he’s paying  for his time with linkai, he can see this as a repeat experience. he did  pay for the whole night after all ( though he had assumed part of it would be the two of them resting, or even just him resting and linkai taking his bought time off elsewhere ). he can’t deny the desire for linkai; he is gorgeous and charming, but most of all, he seems lost  and if there’s anything jihyun understands the feeling of, it’s being  lost. “ maybe i wouldn’t have… ” he replies after a moment.

he shifts on the bed, crossing his legs as well so he can move closer to linkai, their knees pressing together. with his elbow on one knee and chin resting against his knuckles, he looks at linkai, his posture disinterested, but eyes giving off a different aura altogether. his eyes follow linkai’s tongue and then when the other reaches out and grabs at his shirt ( which is not only inside-out but also wrong-way round with the tag brushing linkai’s fingers. “ baby, you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself  more than me… ” he looks at linkai seriously, using the boy’s own spit on his thumb to rub against his bottom lip. he trails that same thumb down, down, gently to linkai’s neck where he presses it against one of the small hickeys he’d placed on linkai’s skin. it’s barely red now. “ is this what you really  want, linkai? me? you can always walk away. ”

          THE WORLD WAS DAMNED FROM THE very beginning, the presence of holiness a mere DREAM in the multitude of sins that seemed to fill any space humans occupied. perhaps that’s why it had been so easy for linkai to ACCEPT the nature of the world ( kill or be killed, be desired and not DESIRE ) as though it was the back of his hand. what he finds a little more difficult to understand, however, is jihyun sitting in front of him, actions different from what his words and eyes say, the very picture of an enigma. ( linkai wonders when he himself had begun to grow so curious, impatient in unwrapping the pretty mystery that was jihyun. ) “ you wouldn’t have, ” he can’t help but chime in, “ you wouldn’t want others looking at me. ”

          confidence is POWER in the ever changing world and whilst linkai suffers a blow to his, the truth of his past world being revealed under a thin disguise, there’s certainty in the look he throws to jihyun. “ maybe i’m trying to convince both of us, ” he breathes out, tone a pitch higher than usual. he presses his legs together ( elegant, he reminds himself, keep your back STRAIGHT, you fool ), a dizzying feeling at the back of his mind when he feels a hand trail down to his neck. his breath hitches, catching in his throat and he hates how visible he is. “ fuck —— yes, yes, yes—— it’s what i want, ” he preens under the attention, hand trailing from the front of jihyun’s shirt to his knee, intertwining their fingers together. linkai glances up, eyes flickering with something strong in that PRETTY way he knows twists an emotion in clients’ hearts, eyelashes fluttering. “ jihyun-chan, don’t you want me? ”

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

          for someone so fragile,  he should have been more careful about getting himself into something like this, stuck in a desperate entanglement that he knows will only end one way ( his heart is his biggest flaw, always so open and starving to be looked after, as if he knows how to accept care to begin with ). the fragility of his that invariably leads to his downfall is all but silent, drowned out by the way that the boy’s every word make something rush through his chest, so unfamiliar yet pleasant that it makes him lose touch with the rest of the world. it’s just them, not his tendency to feel everything so heavily that it seems like an unspoken curse given to him for a vice from his past life, or how easy it is for heartbreak to destroy every bit of him, or how he doesn’t know how to separate mindless flirting with reality unless there’s no interest on his part ( and god, there’s so much of it ). he promised himself that this would be an exception, that his curiosity just needed to be appeased. it’s not the first time that he hasn’t been able to keep a promise, and he’ll pay for it soon enough. it’s ironic, really, how the other is begging haruki to keep him when he feels like the one who’s been caught, but that sense of false control that he keeps eliciting within him is so vital to this all. 

            lies have never sounded so perfect; he allows himself to believe him just for now, until their time runs out and they’re once again separated by the different worlds they live in. haruki’s name on his tongue is enough for him to briefly lose the small bit of dislike he’s always had for it. ( he could say anything and he’d just enjoy the way it sounded. of course he’s fucked. ) he lets his hand move just a bit, resting it on the back of the boy’s head as he pulls his face closer towards his own, so bravely and so unlike himself. this is the version of himself he’d like to be always, reaching for his desires like they’ll never hurt him, like everything isn’t always so heavy on his shoulders. “ mhm … is it as pretty as you? ” the compliment feels different this time, and it’s said differently, too; with more confidence, no distraction present in his tone, a recovery of sorts. their lips are just a few inches away, and he bites onto his own again as soon as he feels his touch on his thigh, so small yet so welcomed. teeth still clinging to his lower lip, he manages a smile that’s anything but innocent. he stares at him like this for a few moments, deep in thought, and then lets go of his lip and tilts his head towards the boy. “ i’ve never done this before  —— ”  he admits softly, referring to the fact that he’s never felt the need to pay for private time with a dancer, as if the boy doesn’t know that well enough already. he edges closer, so slowly that it’s almost painful, until their foreheads are rested against each other’s. he’s careful not to press his lips against his, but if he were to move them a bit more, they’d lightly brush against them with ease. “ how far can i go? ” he whispers breathlessly, heart pounding harshly in his chest.

        DESIRE AND WANT —— stupidly powerful, they are, linkai knows far too well how easily the emotions can cloud over any sense of judgement until it leaves him keening with a sense of helplessness and desperation. he’s always, always, always hated the burning sensation that he now knows as shame, the realisation that comes with the absolute lack of authority he has in situations like these. yet in front of haruki, all qualms about embarrassment go out the window and all he wants is to HOLD. it’s almost scary, how easily he’s given up trying to maintain control of the situation when eighteen years of his life had been BUILT on the foundations of controlling other people around him, to mold them and twist them so that they only advantaged him. but haruki says a few words, gives him one lingering look and oh, that does something to his fragile heart. ( HELPLESS, you silly little boy, look at how weak you’ve become for the first boy that looks at you like you’re more than just a toy. ) “ i don’t think anything can be as pretty as me, don’t you agree? ” he likes phrasing his words as though it’s a question, when it’s a cleverly hidden FACT. ( what was it shakespeare had said once? act like the flower, be the serpent underneath. ) “ but i’ll save you the trouble of wondering. it’s lin —— but i want YOU to call me linkai. ”

          they’re close together, SO CLOSE and linkai wants them to be closer still until he can’t differentiate between where he ends and haruki begins. he’s impatient, longing painfully for it but the words stop at his throat and refuse to escape his mouth, the rational side of him telling him to not be so RASH. ( so what if he looks at you prettily? maybe he doesn’t—— maybe he just wants you for—— maybe you don’t MEAN that muc—— ) if he just leaned forwards, a fraction, they would meet, they would give in to the months of heartache. ( what’s holding you back? ) “ i want to be your first time, then, ” he bites out, whispering, “ your first time, your last time, your ONLY times. ” linkai breaks out into a sigh as he shifts on haruki’s lap, his own thighs flushed and aching with a need to move, to FIND any sort of friction. fingers on the other aren’t enough, and they find themselves on haruki’s back, nails digging in until he thinks they might leave SCARS. “ i want you to do everything you want to me, ” he gasps out, and in the dim light of the room, he knows the glitter on his eyelids are smeared, a picture of golden against the brightness and the want in his eyes. “ i want you to touch me. ” he can’t help but sound so sated, as though he’s glad the tension is finally broken between them, and it’s abrupt when he suddenly lurches forwards, bringing their mouths together.

[quotesfromwhere]

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!” Nothing beside remains: round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ozymandias  (via quotesfromwhere)

[irregvlation-blog]

JIHYUN.

if jihyun were to make an honest profile of himself the top word use of the entire ‘ about ’ he’d write would be ‘ asshole ’. jihyun is well aware of his tendency to hurt another person with his words. he’s hurt many people without laying one finger on them physically. usually it’s people he gives zero fucks about, but somehow… even through just this short time, jihyun finds himself actually detesting himself for that fall of linkai’s face. how he looks visibly unrested by jihyun’s words, by his actions. the discovery wasn’t his to make, but jihyun never knows to leave well enough alone. someone would’ve found out sooner or later, but it just had to be jihyun, and for all his assholishness, he finds himself genuinely caring about some people. he guesses maybe one of them is gonna be linkai.

“ it’s plenty, ” he hums after a minute. he tries so hard to bury any softness he has for cute and helpless things, but it’s a way of life for him now. he shouldn’t care, but he does. what an idiot. “ guess i don’t have to worry about kicking you out of the room in just your robe, hm? ” he teases, leaning in, lifting a hand to trace his thumb along linkai’s bottom lip. “ if we do this again, are you gonna get upset? we shouldn’t do this if you’re gonna get upset about it… ”

          HOW FOOLISH HE IS to have thought that he could brush something so major in his life off as mere crumbs that he didn’t need to cross again in his life. ( he should have EXPECTED IT, of course —— before it came to bite him back in the ass. ) but he feels the sharp pang of relief when jihyun finally seems to heed, to stop asking any more QUESTIONS about what china had been like, as if linkai hadn’t spent the last three years of his life aching to forget. his eyes are still downcast, cheeks flaming red with the shame and embarrassment that seems to melt into one emotion, but there’s the tell tale twitch of his mouth that curves into a smile. “ i’m not sure you would’ve been happy with others seeing what you WANTED for free. ” 

          he shifts on the bed, legs crossed beneath him ( folded, elegant like a paper crane and so unlike the rest of his actions that night ) as he shakes his head. “ i—— i won’t get upset. ” it sounds more as though he’s speaking to himself, MINDLESS self assuring to comfort himself. “ i can handle this. ” a quiet beat passes, and his mouth opens up ( BEAUTIFULLY —— the maw of a wounded animal, poised for defense yet never letting go of attacking ) for the elder’s thumb, tongue dipping out to curl around it easily as though he had been waiting for the opportunity. his free hand curls into the front of jihyun’s shirt. “ i can handle you. ”

[irregvlation-blog]

CLAY.

               lust smeared on his jugular    ,    blackened   &.   quivering   ,   clawing at the flushed new world    &.    glutting on possibility. he builds cathedrals made from the bones that they spit back out    ,   consecration all slimmed like birth.     ❝    no one has uh called me adorable           at least not in uh person.    ❞    the glass was raised    &.    eyes watch the liquid closely as they nervously drown the rest of the wine in the glass    ,    closing when they felt the burn down their throat.  liquor always leaves them feeling arcane   &.  half-choked    ,    witchcraft rising in their throat like a river of prophetic words that mouths from their spine    ,    catching in their hands   &.  absorbing into their skin   ,   lighting up their eyes.      ❝    i think i can beat you at your own game    ,    i dont like to lose.    ❞          sweet fallen angel   ,    the man that reminds him of the ocean. following the tide in his eyes    &.   clay tries not to hit the rocks on their way down to drown in the sweet siren song.

          " MAYBE NOT IN PERSON—— but i’d be DAMNED if anybody walks past you without wanting a just a LITTLE taste. ” even when the rest of the room is dark, illuminated only by the hues of purple and pink that diffract from the very few lights they have and the ENERGY from the people present, the grin can be heard in his voice ——no, no, it doesn’t need to be seen. he’s always been the BEST at leaving people wanting to see, but never quite getting there. it’s only now he really laughs, eyes narrowed and sharp, ( TARGET FOUND. ) like the PREDATOR seconds before devouring a prey. ( can you run, little child? can you run faster than me? ) “ that’s what they always say. ” linkai almost sounds wistful. tongue dotting out to swipe over his lower lip before he catches it between his lower teeth, biting down until he almost draws BLOOD. “ but then they take one look at me and —— ” the rest is history. he blinks, lips curled almost coquettishly. “ you think i’m pretty, right? ”

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

          he wishes he could stifle them,  those pesky emotions that always lead his actions in one way or another——  they tend to overtake him when he needs them the least, like now. waking up, figuratively, is harder than it seems, especially when the boy is being so generous and gentle with him, readily guiding him through this unfamiliar territory that haruki would only ever enter for him. even the deal he offers him is enough to keep him in this state of delusion ( at least that’s what he’ll realize it is once he’s left, empty and hungry for more ), makes him feel like maybe he’s not just another client to pry money out of. at the offer, haruki smiles over at him and squeezes his hand lightly, nodding in agreement. he reminds himself that he’s not the only person who gets dragged into things like this, that even if he’s just another no one in a crowd of people starving for the dancer’s attention, the truth only came because he, too, showed that same need, and did more with it than he ever dreamed he could have. ( but is it really the same need? of course lust is painting itself across his every nerve, but there’s something else there—— there always has been. )

          charming words to match everything else; they keep him pulled in, keep his mind from wandering too far and allowing those deafening insecurities and doubts to shine through as he sits down on the edge of the bed. the challenge sounds so alluring when it’s being spilled from the other’s lips, leaving him biting onto his own and chuckling, but this time with a little less purity present within it ——    the kind of laugh that establishes not a want, but a need, one that he’s ready to receive. he reaches for the boy’s hips, bringing him down onto his lap on his own this time. he pulls on his frame like it’s a silent demand, with a rough neediness that says that he can’t take another second of separation. his hands remain rested on his hips for a second before he moves them to the small of his back, pushing him towards him. “ i wish i could keep you, ” he hums, taking a moment to breathe in the boy’s scent and process the fact that they’re both really here, finally alone, after months of pining and teasing from the other. one hand remains in place, but the other moves towards the boy’s hair, delicately pushing a few strands away from his face. ( so delicately that you’d think he’s afraid of breaking him ). he lets his hand sit there for a moment, lightly toying with the the hair at his fingertips. “ do i stand out? ” in other words: lie to me. just once, just tonight, he’ll allow himself to pursue him wholeheartedly, to get caught up in the stupid fable that lives in his mind and likely won’t ever see the light of day. “ haruki——  it’s haruki. ”

          IF ONLY THEY WEREN'T CAUGHT UP in whatever fantasy the both of them lived in, it would be easier for linkai to spend more days apart without feeling like there’s something MISSING from nights spent at the club. he doesn’t exactly KNOW when he had begun to grow so finely attuned to the familiar bundle of hair, bright eyes and unwavering smile —— but it seems more that he’s just scared to admit that he had been drawn in right from the very beginning, like a moth to a flame. ( he’s very quick to forget that the moth is often the one that gets burned, forgetting how the beauty masks the danger. maybe the boy is the same, or maybe linkai just doesn’t care enough at this point besides the head rush of need. ) there’s usually already a thin line between the client and the dancer when it comes to the club but somehow, he can’t hep but wonder whether the pair of them could thin out that line even further until it’s nonexistant, until the rules of the club and money can’t stop them. money, money, money—— in a world ( in THEIR world, more specifically, so different yet the same ) that consisted of just that, where it’s a necessity to continue surviving, he thinks that he’s now willing to throw it out the window for more time.

          how long had looks been exchanged for, touches lingering to the point where it had built up to this moment? he craves to do everything at the same time—— to the point where he doesn’t know where to begin. it’s involuntarily that linkai lets out a gasp, abruptly pressed tight against the boy until he thinks he can hear their heartbeats both at once, in sync like they had been written somewhere in the skies to be this close with one another. heat grows at the pit of his stomach and he’s hit with another wave of dizziness. “ keep me, keep me, please keep me, ” he chants back, voice a drop above a whisper like he’s afraid anybody would hear him let his guard down so easily, so VULNERABLE to the world around him even if they’re the only ones in the room. he leans into the touch, flustering at the pointed look he’s met with and automatically reciprocates his actions, resting gentle fingertips against the other’s waist, like he’s scared to touch in case he’s not real. “ you — nobody stands out except you, ” he admits, cheeks flushed as pink as the rest of his skin that’s on display. “ haruki. haruki-chan, ” he repeats the name, testing it on his tongue. experimentally, his hand trails down towards them both, thumb rubbing circles into haruki’s thigh, near to where he needs it most —— but not quite there. “ do you want to know my name? ” 

[nct-sicheng]

[oizysd]

AKITA HARUKI : FINSTA ACCOUNT (1/?)

ft. @altarurl, @irregvlation, @kalcpsya, @jngharu(’s iced coffee)

[irregvlation-blog]

HARUKI.

       denial can only go so far,  and already, the robust foundation that the notion usually comes with wears away occasionally, a quiet voice calling out that he’s fucked, that this fleeting interest he has in a boy that he’s lucky to see twice a week when he’s living his second life ( the one he despises so much ) isn’t as simple as he makes it out to be. the voice is buzzing now, tinkering near his thoughts as the other laughs and sends compliments his own way. at that, he hangs his head down for a moment, lips forming a smile that gives away just how flustered he is. there’s so many things haruki’s learned to control, but his smile tends to say what the rest of him won’t—— then again, in this case, almost nothing is being held back. he looks back up at him with a content exhale, staring into his eyes with the same yearning as before. in any other circumstance, he’d take it as empty flattery, remember that he might have spoken the same thing to the last person whose lap he sat on, maybe even just a few minutes before he was here in front of him. the other dancers used to try to get something out of him occasionally, but haruki was adamant about staying away. really, he should have realized that he was in for something new, something that would consume him mercilessly, ever since he found himself willing to do anything for the boy’s company.  

      ignorance is bliss, a sweet spot in the middle of nothingness that keeps him from being alarmed at everything that’s happened, both between them and within him. he’ll keep it that way for as long as possible ( and as long as impossible, anything to keep this, whatever it is ). once the other’s weight is off of him and he’s pulling him towards him, haruki complies with ease, already knowing the routine. he’s seen it before, at least up until this point. beyond this, he only knows what his friends ( if one could call them that ) have told him. once they’re walking elsewhere, haruki takes the boy’s hand before he moves it away, holding onto it as he leads the way. it offers a brief while of clarity, one that he wishes would stay away —— he sees how the few people who look their way stare at them, how much of a sucker he seems to be to have been pulled in so quickly. maybe that’s what he is, but he reassures himself that he’s in control, that he’d turn around and leave if he wanted to. ( how many times can he lie to himself in one night? tonight might break the record. ) once they’re away from most of the other guests, haruki matches the boy’s pace, blinking over at him before he leans in, lips nearly brushing against his skin, and whispers a low, “ how long can i keep you? ” again, what should be just business is just a bit more, words still stained with a flush of sweetness.

          OH FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, fuck would probably be the closest definiton to the raw type of panic linkai feels whenever he realises he wants ( craves, DESIRES, even, and that’s when he knows he’s truly and utterly, to put it simply, fucked ) the other around him. it’s an emotion that comes from within, stirs something deep in his stomach until he’s left with a dizzying feeling of want that he had never experienced with other people, other CLIENTS of the club. it’s something unique, special to the other boy and he isn’t sure entirely what to do with that information. stop looking at me like that, he wants to say, with strings pulling at his chest like even his subconscious is trying to tell him to get a grip, stop looking at me like i’m somebody special to you. ( but you want him to see you as somebody special, right? when are you going to stop denying it? ) he thinks he does a very good job at hiding what he longs for—— even if he has to bite down on his tongue to the point where he tastes iron to hold himself back from saying things he’ll regret. but then he leans close, warmth against his bare skin, murmuring with all the PRESTIGE and sweetness of a virgin and it takes every fibre of linkai’s body to not whisper back ‘forever, oh god, i want you to keep me forever.’

          his fingers intertwine with the other’s without him knowing, pressing their palms together until they’re almost one —— he WISHES they were one, not held by the boundaries of dance again that had never seemed as STUPID till now —— as he leads the pair of them. “ depends how much you have, ” is the protocol answer that he gives, but it’s only with a softer glint in his eyes that he whispers, “ but i don’t feel like that tonight. i —— double the time, half the price. ” is the clipped answer, the one he knows the manager is going to give him HELL for later that night. but for some reason, he can’t find the energy to care, too overwhelmed by the desire to FEEDFEEDFEED. it’s almost in a rushed manner that he fumbles with the door of the private room ( if dance again was sin, the private room was absolutely blasphemous ), shoving them both inside before locking the door behind them. linkai isn’t sure what comes over him but he finds himself nudging the other until the boy sits down on the bed, the same pretty look of want plastered across his features, mirroring his own. “ you say you want to keep me, but you never show me it properly, ” he murmurs gently, almost to himself, “ maybe—— just MAYBE, you should do something to make you stand out. especially if i don’t even know your name. ”