ɪʀᴠɪɴɢ ʀᴀᴅɪᴏ

[irvingradio]

i heard rosemary was seen leaving landon's place really late the other night, maybe they're back together?

i so buy it. did she look dishevelled? no offence to landon but he’s such a little twig, like... seriously. i bet her hair was in pristine condition. not even a strand out of place. underwhelmed. full of energy. barely even fucked at all. ugh, i’m so bad... right, though? i just feel like the only world he could rock -- sexually, obvi -- is an ant’s. and that’s just because the ratio imbalance is catastrophic. like, proportionally. although maybe not so much... he’s so, like, timid... ewwww. maybe we have a case of the teenie weenies and he’s, like, reeling from the knowledge of it. really impaired his ego. damaged his bravado. even so, rosie can’t seem to get enough. she’s, like, totally gaga for him, and i’m not talking little monsters, even though i just got bad romance stuck in my head. coincidence? i think not. psychic premonition, more like. ugh, i’m literally that bitch. i’ve got the sight. wow. consider this my bad omen of the week. thanks for the tip. i love this supernatural journey it embarked me on. we love evolution.

@fortyfivcs @mocnliights

[irvingradio]

you guys... i don’t mean to be dramatic but i’m literally besides myself and i probably won’t ever be the same. it looks like... ugh. i can hardly even say it. it looks like one of my disgusting co-hosts has stolen my little brother’s mouth guard and has literally been wearing it in front of him to taunt him. like, i literally don’t know what kind of person would do that. i hear little jacob crying at night through the walls. i don’t want to name any names but caleb montgomery is so twisted and it really disturbs me. like, beyond anything i’ve ever experienced before. ugh... if there’s any callers that feel like taking my mind off things or maybe just telling me i’m beautiful because they have eyes, i’d really appreciate it. that or a slutty, slutty rumour about sluts from slutsville. which i totally say affectionately, bt-dubs. i mean, we love it. we stan the sluts. sorry for choking up on that last part, i’m just... caleb’s actions still haunt me. thank-you so much. KISSES TO MY FANS.

[irvingradio]

i think chase villca is secretly a freak. i think he'd ask to tweeze my eyebrows and it would get him off.

literally. like, he probably wants to tweeze mine most of all. not that they ever need tweezing. i was blessed with a neat, pronounced arch from birth. i came out of the womb and the midwife snapped her fingers and said honey that baby’s serving some sickening looks. it was, like, totally unprofessional considering they hadn’t even cut my umbilical cord yet but that’s just my effect. i can’t blame him for fantasising about it. that said, i’ll definitely be contacting my lawyers to file my twelfth restraining order this week. stop being so obsessed with me, much? ugh. a day in the life, am i right? i can’t help that i’m gorgeous.

@villca

[irvingradio]

who's number one kitten in irving?

there’s been a lot of talk that it’s elias, or even cricket. i don’t entirely disagree. they certainly have it. but i’m one for going against the tide. i’m kind of a visionary, in that respect. my co-host would deny it, but most would describe me as ‘never been done before.’ i’m giving this title to sour patch. eligible bachelor kitten set loose on the town? that’s a tagline for a book i’d never read, but it would certainly peak my interest. 

@piratejct  @ncbodyshome  @koinoyokvn

[irvingradio]

People that need to get laid

me, for one. i’m not in a deficit but it’s always on the table. you hear that, adam the bartender? always. on. the. table. 

i think otis is in dire need of a slut era. i can hear the broken sound of their shattered heart from here. it’s hurting my ears at this point, fucking tragic. is anyone into charity work? maybe riley will take them up for the job. lips for days. hoping he calls in just to tell me he’s been thinking about me soon. 

@saboteures  @swayednumb  @piratejct

[irvingradio]

goooooooood morning to everyone but that man who told me i looked like his neighbor, hamilton. it’s caleb montgomery, blasting from your cars or wherever else you people listen to this shit show. just got a call from the studio and they’ve signed me immediately. that’s what happens when you wonder around a city with a face like mine for long enough. gigs, booked. deals, signed. trash, about to be talked. give me something tasty i can really sink my teeth into for my first show, will you? i don’t have long, i’m already 4 tequila shots in. CALLER NUMER ONE?

[irvingradio]

did y’all see shiv called antonia a th*t and a wh*re

ehy who sent hthis and why did u do this

[irvingradio]

who do you think are the messiest people around?

i feel like this one’s a no brainer. shiloh feels like the perfect starting point. i don’t actually know too much about them, bit of an enigma that one, but i’ve heard some messy stories. didn’t they delete all their social media because of an ex? elijah’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? isn’t it time to get it together? apparently someone saw beau passed out on the pier one day. could barely understand him but he was trying to make his way to the beach for a nap and siesta’d on the way to his siesta. not a good look. where beau is leo’s usually in tow, tarnishing his image even more somehow. last time i bumped into him he was throwing up in a parking lot while sipping on vodka and pedialyte. there’s something off about tiago - he just seems like the frat boy that would proudly announce he can never get drunk and then be blackout and sloppy by 10 pm. i wish i could pin down why i think judas fits in this category but does anyone know what’s going on with him? i’m saying his name anyway, sometimes explanations aren’t necessary. finally ziggy - this one doesn’t need an explanation.

@saboteures @ovvnwords @melichryscs @cvastals @lcvehoax @jackfr0sted @ncbodyshome​

[irvingradio]

can i dedicate fuck you by ceelo green to ziggy benson for never calling me back? thanks.

ouch. that one’s gotta hurt! surprisingly not the first time we’ve had hate mail in the form of song sent ziggy’s way. actually, it’s not even the first time this week. this is on you a bit at this point, i think. doesn’t everyone know this kid’s prerogative by now? i feel bad for the person who gets tricked into settling down with him.

@ncbodyshome

[irvingradio]

rise and shine to all the irving morning birds! this is easton signing on, co-host of irving’s most poppin’ radio show. despite what weston’s said, i am not lame, and i’m here to prove it by dolling out some juicy tidbits our listeners have sent us this morning. while i’m doing my thang, feel free to dial our line and hit us up with anything you might’ve heard through the grapevine. we love it all here! GIVE US A CALL.

[irvingradio]

Which locals do you think need reality checks?

sutter. kid needs to get his head out of his ass. fresh air would do him some good. sister thea, too. maybe this is just something that runs in the famjam. dina ‘cause, objectively, she’s just too hot to be coming off so desperate. my twin brother, weston. he’s a criminal lawyer what more do i need to say?

@fortyfivcs, @lcvehoax,  @ofbeare

[irvingradio]

any promising newcomers that need christening?

do you think there are any newcomers that need christening? let’s discuss. this is a safe space. open discussions are encouraged. that being said, we have antonia who’s pretty new but i’d say she needs no help in settling in. as the kids would say...hashtag baddie alert. would like to see what kirby’s about, tbh. where they at? i could give my dude howl a proper christening (drinks at fannie’s on me this friday?). freddie doesn’t need help christening but maybe she can help christen cricket if ya know what i mean.  @slversoul, @smalltragedy, @kiwislices, @freddve, @ncbodyshome

[irvingradio]

‘sup cool cats. it’s ya boy, weston. wes for short, if you wanna get fun and flirty. not to be confused with easton, my lame twin brother. i’m the proud host, well co-host, of north carolina’s best radio show on this side of the state. or, at least, in irving. it’s time for our anticipated gossip hour segment. give me all your hot takes or question me on my hot takes, which are more juicy, in my humble opinion. my wife just left me this morning. i’m lonely. PLEASE, CALL IN.