unrequited love

thoughts and poetry...

[isathoughts]

i'm so mad at my brain

i'm over you 

so why do i dreamed about u?

that stupid smile

that stupid smell

that stupid hand

holding mine

so tight

so warm

i'm so fucking mad at my brain

you're just like an intrusive thought

that keeps coming back

again and again

and it hurts a lot

cause i know u don't think about me

so why do i still hold onto that hope

will i ever be free?

i have to understand that you're gone

and finally let u go

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

my therapist asked about u

if i still see your posts

if youre still an inspiration for my poems

i guess i couldn't tell her the truth

you're the only thing i can write about

but my poetry is fading right now

i dont know how to write without you

there's no use

there's no doubt

nothing rhymes

but i still think about your eyes

it makes me sad now

but i think she knew

i cant forget you

'cause she said theres something unresolved

and im still involved

thats why i cant move on

i guess i still have hope

its like i read on a quote

"you think you're over it

but then you're crying on the bathroom floor

wondering why you weren't good enough"

[isathoughts]

i saw your smile on someone else's

and it made me sad

will u ever leave my head?

will i ever stop looking for u in every guy i meet?

or am i destined to forever think they're not who i need

cause even though i try to explore

i cant ignore

you're always there

ur eyes, ur smile, ur stare

its not fucking fair

no one can compare

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

i'm often disconnected

never where they expected

lost in my own world

i dont pay attention on people's details

my focus always fails

but when i looked at you

i didnt know what to do

i didnt even have to try

how can you like someone just by the way they say hi?

and then i realized

i noticed your perfume

and the way you smile

the curve of your neck

why did you cause me this effect?

i was surprised

how your eyes

they dragged me inside

it looked like a thousand stars

staring into mine

a whole galaxy i wanted to explore

the thrill of entering in a bookstore

a new world that could be ours

where we escape from reality for a few hours

thats all i could ask for

but i know its nothing more than folklore

you dont want me

this is just a fantasy

maybe for once i gotta face reality

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

im a fraud

i keep on asking for signs

but i only believe on those who tell me that

you are NOT the one

DONT text

DONT be vulnerable

DONT let him in

DONT fall

because im so scared

scared to be hurt

scared to be rejected

but more than that

what if i like it?

what if you're everything i want and need?

what if everything works out?

i dont know how i would react

really

i literally prayed for a saint for a sign

so i dont have to get out of my comfort zone

cause you could be so rude, mean and indiferent

or worse

you could be funny and gentle and soft

you could fall back

i couldnt deal with that

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

i can't offer what you deserve

so i won't call

and try to stay calm

i know this isn't my best version

i gotta find myself

learn how to love myself

before i love you with my whole person

so i will wait

for the right moment

for the right time

to make the first moove

cause what if you're the love of my life?

i cant mess it up

i just wish you knew

you're perfect for me

maybe one day you'll see

and even though i like your smile, your eyes

and the way u make me rhyme

i know i cant waste your time

so

im not asking u to wait

or to believe in fate

but i hope someday we can meet again

look into each others eyes

and be ready 

to love and be loved

[isathoughts]

i dont miss you

but i dream about you

i dont miss you

but i search for u in a crowded room

i dont miss you

but i see the stars and remember of your eyes

i dont miss you

cause i never met you

not the real you

i guess i always knew

you're just an idea i created

a platonic love i keep cultivating

i dont miss you

cause you dont miss me too

i dont miss you

gotta repeat till i believe

i dont miss you

but today... i dont think that's true

i'm with someone new

so i cant miss you

im trying to move on

so i really dont miss you

but i wish he were you

and today i guess...

i miss you

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

i am so shocked

i had him in my arms

he kissed me so softly

and it felt really nice

to feel seen

and loved

but when i went home

and fell asleep

i dreamed of you

god why do i do this to myself

i had everything i ever wanted

everything but you

so it felt like nothing

really

he's so sweet

but he's not you

he's so caring

still not you

shit

when will it be you?

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

you chose her

and that makes sense

i would've chosen her too

if i were in your place

its okay

i was just wondering

what we could've been

me picking you up

to drive to the beach at 3 am

you would've said yes without hesitating

i know you would

cause i know you

but its okay

cause she knows you too

maybe more than i do

and i know her

and she's perfect for you

her beautiful soul

will most definitely make you feel whole

and i will be there to support you both

even if it tears my soul

but maybe i dont want you

i see the irony

cause its me making you a poetry

but maybe

i just miss someone wanting me

choosing me

needing me

making me their priority

thats so narcissistic of me

its pathetic

and not

poetic

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

i keep on saying

you must be

too blind or too stupid not to see

that im falling for u

but the truth is

i dont show enough

or at all

you are not a pshychic

you dont have a crystall ball

so

i cant blame you for my faults

—@isathoughts

[isathoughts]

i like you

but i hate it

i feel so frustated

cause i think of u all the time

and i know that

i never cross your mind

everything i do reminds me of you

i feel so patethic

why do i like you?

the way you smile

the way you think

the way you laugh

i hate it

i hate it

i hate you

or i just hate me?

the way i talk

the way i think

the way i remember

cause all i do is remember

your eyes meeting mine

your hands on my spine

the way i made you smile

i remember

all.the.time

god i hate this feeling

i just wish you were mine

—@isathoughts